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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to still feel really sh*t that I got asked if I was pg today...

73 replies

lynniep · 15/05/2013 18:08

by my tactless neighbour. This was a couple of hours back. She was just being gossipy, and I smiled and said through gritted teeth 'No I'm not expecting - I'm just fat'.
She didn't apologise - she just said 'oh I don't know why you're so big - you never stop do you?'. Then carried on telling me how her and her husband had been wondering for a while and wouldn't it be nice if we had another one.
I'm really down because of my problems with overeating at the moment. I am bigger than I've ever been in my life. My hair is falling out (I have alopecia) and I'm really sensitive about what I look like. She really got to me.
:(

OP posts:
fhutts · 15/05/2013 20:54

I had a double whammy in a week, shop assistant asked if the kids clothes I was buying was for my granddaughter ( just turned 40!) then the nursery asked me if I was PG 2 days later! WTF. Old and Fat!
Wouldn't have minded the granny comment but was out and about over lunchtime with a work friend, who's an absolute hotti AND a decade younger and he thought it was fricking hilarious! And told everyone at work Blush

CruCru · 15/05/2013 21:04

Actually, I had an older woman prod my belly and say "Oh, you have another one on the way" when I was holding four month old DS. I wasn't, I just hadn't pinged back.

Original poster
lynniep · 15/05/2013 21:08

thank you for the flowers and hugs and kinds words. I'm feeling much better now I've had a jump around at zumba (well my dodgy knee isn't - but everything else is LOL)

OP posts:
Lawabidingmama · 15/05/2013 21:40

My MIL had the bloody tact to ask me the other day in fact she said 'aw is that a baby bump' arrggghhh no it effing isn't but thanks! In my defence I was leaning against the wall letting my mummy tummy hang out! I'm a size 10 and have recently lost a little weight so had been feeling good! I'm still raging and will never forgive her

Aniseeda · 15/05/2013 23:51

I come from a long line of apple shaped women and have had this all my life. The first time, I was in sixth form and probably an "old" size 10/12 - in today's vanity sizes probably an 8 - but still had a sticky out belly!

I am fat bigger now and look about six months gone!

Recently a stranger in a lift looked me up and down and smiled knowingly and I just rested my hand on my belly and smiled back! Just wasn't prepared to go there with someone I'd never see again anyway!

Tbh, these days I am pretty much past caring but it used to devastate me so I do know how you feel Sad

Well done on the zumba - you have more motivation than me!

BestParentEver · 16/05/2013 00:03

Your neighbor is a cow the only remedy is to get your own back! You'll feel much better, pick on their insecurities

MissPricklePants · 16/05/2013 00:13

I had this recently, I have lost some weight but have big boobs and hips so still curvy just a flatter tum! anyway I bloat really bad when on my period and an old school friend's mum messaged me on fb to say congrats on baby number 2! Cheeky cow! Wouldn't mind but I have been single for 4 years which she knows as her dd has a ds the same age as my dd (same nursery) so would know if I was!!

DoJo · 16/05/2013 08:39

I had a woman ask me when my baby was due whilst getting changed at the swimming pool, so can't even claim that it was the fit of my top or unflattering trousers! I did console myself that I had told her I was on maternity leave, but I did have to cling to that for some weeks. On the plus side, I was introduced to a friend of a friend when I was nine months pregnant, and he didn't realise until he gave me a hug and got 'bumped', which was pretty gratifying (especially considering I had managed to get trapped in a toilet cubicle earlier that evening!). He stepped back and said 'Wow - how pregnant are you?' and I replied 'Almost as pregnant as you can be without not being pregnant again.'

melika · 16/05/2013 09:42

I really wish I was a pear! Sad

sparkle12mar08 · 16/05/2013 11:07

I've had this a lot too. It doesn't really bother me because ultimately, I'm fat and carry most of that weight in my stomach and arse. No two ways about it, I've looked about 4-5 months pregnant for most of the past five years (and yes I'm doing something about it before anyone starts!). With complete strangers I couldn't give a rats ass and if I'm offered a seat I take it gladly - there's nothing a London commuter won't do for a seat on the tube, pretending to be pregnant is the least of it!

RooneyMara · 16/05/2013 11:12

Oh God she was so rude Lynnie!

I was asked this by a dentist when I was about 3 months pp one time.

fwiw my sister often looks very pregnant and she's never had children.

RooneyMara · 16/05/2013 11:13

and I don't think it's any of our biusiness whether or not the OP is getting professional help.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 16/05/2013 11:27

I was offered a seat on the tube recently. I thought it was because of my greying hair, but maybe it was my post DC tummy after all ?!

Why did I never get offered a seat when I really needed it huh ? - travelling up and down to London in the rush hour in those first three mths of pregnancy with my first and feeling as sick as a dog Smile

Sallystyle · 16/05/2013 11:37

I did it once to a girl I know. She has always been very very thin and tiny but when I last saw her she was still very tiny but with a perfectly round football shaped stomach. I guessed her to be around 6 months gone. She was so toned and tiny everywhere and he stomach didn't look fat, just firm and round.

I was 100% sure she was pregnant which is why I congratulated her.

I am a short apple and have had people asking me when I am due a few times too. Even now that I am slim my stomach still sticks out compared to the rest of me.

Icelollycraving · 16/05/2013 11:38

I remember someone saying to me before about their daughter being pregnant too. It slowly dawned on me what she was actually saying. I was mortified as was her dh who could see that I was v suddenly embarrassed Blush
Been offered seats on tube a couple of times & a few furtive looks. I accept the seat with a beaming smile & a protective hand on my tummy :)
I actually started getting offered seats when I was pg at about 8 weeks.
I am an apple shape,it's all round my middle,in fairness the rest isn't that small!
Sorry you feel upset op Thanks

Decoy · 16/05/2013 15:12

I was "congratulated" on my "pregnancy" at a point when I'd been TTC a very long time without luck. I was upset I can tell you Sad

JugglingFromHereToThere · 16/05/2013 15:24

I'm sorry Decoy Sad
Blimey sounds like they didn't even ask it as a question, which takes audacious stupidity to new levels doesn't it ?

EeyoreIsh · 16/05/2013 15:32

YANBU, how horrible Sad

I had the opposite experience. I worked with a colleague who was quite large. I never worked out she was pregnant, her size covered her bump Blush. I was genuinely Shock when she said she was heading off on maternity leave in a few weeks, and she picked up on it. I felt so bad.

oldwomaninashoe · 16/05/2013 15:47

My twins weighed 16lbs+ together so I was pretty large for a long time and despite exercise and dieting, nothing short of surgery will ever get rid of my baggy belly!
Fortunately I am far too old for anyone now to imagine I am pregnant, but I feel your pain OP as I could regail you with countless stories of the times that I have been asked if I was pregnant.

Bunbaker · 16/05/2013 16:56

I know what you mean Eeyore. A colleague at work is on mat leave and no-one twigged she was pregnant because she had a big build and her baby bump wasn't obvious. You can't win can you?

Wishfulmakeupping · 16/05/2013 17:07

Bless you this happened to me and I've done it too someone else (honestly no nastiness on my part I was on a maternity ward and assumed she was pregnant it was a whole thing...) :( bottom line some people are stupid and speak before they think including me but in the case your neighbour just sounds like a proper bitch

DoraJo · 16/05/2013 17:35

YANBU at all! It's horrid, isn't it? Someone did this to me a few weeks ago (and my youngest is 3). I held it together for as long as we were talking, then cried all the way home!

Aniseeda · 16/05/2013 21:00

It's so unfair isn't it. Men can stroll around with beer guts that could comfortably house sextuplets and never a word is said!

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