Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to still feel really sh*t that I got asked if I was pg today...

73 replies

lynniep · 15/05/2013 18:08

by my tactless neighbour. This was a couple of hours back. She was just being gossipy, and I smiled and said through gritted teeth 'No I'm not expecting - I'm just fat'.
She didn't apologise - she just said 'oh I don't know why you're so big - you never stop do you?'. Then carried on telling me how her and her husband had been wondering for a while and wouldn't it be nice if we had another one.
I'm really down because of my problems with overeating at the moment. I am bigger than I've ever been in my life. My hair is falling out (I have alopecia) and I'm really sensitive about what I look like. She really got to me.
:(

OP posts:
PollyPlummer · 15/05/2013 19:03

The lady in our local shop asked me Blush I was gutted, Scone I would have lied if I thought I would get away with it Grin

fuzzypicklehead · 15/05/2013 19:05

Oh, this has happened to me several times. Once by an interview candidate while I was conducting his job interview! He did get the job, but I always wondered when the penny dropped as months went by and no baby appeared...

Bajas · 15/05/2013 19:06

OP I have been asked the same several times over the years. Even in my young and skinny years I always carried my weight on my belly. The question is always upsetting. Why on earth do people ask? Surely they know that if they're wrong the person will be mortified. Angry

Someone in work asked me a couple of months ago and it was more painful than ever as I've been ttc my first for almost a year at the grand old age of 38 so it's already a sore point. Adding the fact I've put on 2 stone recently it really hurt in every way Sad

itsallshitandmoreshit · 15/05/2013 19:22

I had a devastating one a few months ago. I have 3 DC but my youngest is 2.5 and I still have a fat belly.

In a café with all my mates a woman with an obvious learning disability/special needs came bounding over "I love babies!" she exclaimed while trying to pat my abdomen. She was saying things like "when is it coming?" "is it a boy or a girl?" constantly.

I kept saying I'm not pregnant but she didn't understand. All my mates pretended they hadn't noticed I was mortified.

I was torn between wanting to be kind because of her lack of intellectual capability but wanting her to fuck the fuck off.

In the end I had to say go away. It was awful.

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 15/05/2013 19:36

OTOH I totally failed to notice that a friend that I don't see that often was 6 months pg. That was also pretty mortifying for both of us, even though it was obviously not my fault.

buildingmycorestrength · 15/05/2013 19:43

My husband's friend asked me when I was due ... when I was all dressed up at a wedding and 2 FULL YEARS post partum.

He was so mortified. He is Japanese and went and apologised separately to my husband later, and did actually mention committing ritual suicide because could not believe he had made that mistake, and said he would be so upset if someone had done that his wife. Which is a better and somewhat more appropriate reaction than your neighbour. Grin. Silly mare.

To be fair, I know I have a tummy (still, six years post partum). I try not to wear clothes that make it worse but I actually don't worry too much if I see people glancing and wondering. I just grimly soldier on. Confused

Bunbaker · 15/05/2013 19:45

It is a tricky one isn't it? I never ask if someone is pregnant for this reason, but then you get irate posts on MN from pregnant women who complain that people don't give up their seats on public transport for them when they are obviously pregnant.

I daresay some of the seated people are afraid of offending the woman who might not be pregnant at all.

You are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

lynniep · 15/05/2013 19:47

thanks you lot. just about to start a zumba class. let's hope the baby bump can take itGrin

OP posts:
SorryMyLollipop · 15/05/2013 19:47

That's horrid Hmm. It
happened to me a couple of times. I am extremely curvaceous. The worst time was during years of infertility and desperately TTC - I was devastated Hmm

Tabby

SorryMyLollipop · 15/05/2013 19:47

Tabby??? Yanbu!!

MsJupiterJones · 15/05/2013 19:58

I was asked this when I had been ttc for almost a year, by a really lovely sweet woman who I used to give computing lessons to. I had put on a couple of stone while ttc Blush so I could see why she asked but it still felt like a slap. She was mortified and scuttled off and never came back to the computer club.

Had DS six months ago and just got asked by a stranger in the park if I was pg again. I mean he's right there, why would you ask that? I mumbled something about one being enough for now and she disappeared sharpish. I went home and joined WeightWatchers.

It is a HORRIBLE feeling; yanbu to be upset.

katkit1 · 15/05/2013 20:00

I got asked if I was having a baby by a stranger in John Lewis - way to make me feel super - had ds 6 months ago - argh!

eccentrica · 15/05/2013 20:07

Public transport is easy, if you're pregnant and you want a seat just ASK!

Decoy · 15/05/2013 20:10

YANBU

OnwardBound · 15/05/2013 20:16

My DS is just over two and I still get asked on occasion when I'm due.

Unfortunately it has a lot to do with my figure type [apple]. I am fairly slim and athletic looking all over but have a very rounded tummy which is still a pregnancy type shape - curves out from under the breasts, not just a little pouch below the belly button which a lot of women get post baby.

I yearn for a little baby pouch, not the rounded watermelon tum that I have Sad.

My worst moment was at the Christmas party last year for work. I thought I was looking pretty good and was really enjoying myself. Then a colleague asked me when I was due. I must have looked shocked but I tried to make light of it by saying oh no, I'm just fat, too many mince pies, ha ha ha.... sob.

I have just joined the gym and am hoping to lose some of it at least.

But yes, I have been offered seats on trains, and to go first in toilet queues because I know the person is trying to be kind and considerate to the obviously pregnant woman... But it is mortifying.

mac12 · 15/05/2013 20:25

oh OP, I do feel for you. Some people have the sensitivity of a brick. My boss did this to me in front of a group of people at a conference - i was six months post-partum, had a mum tum but was otherwise feeling rather good about myself to be out in a smart dress, talking to proper adults and not a trace of baby sick to be seen. My boss looked me up and down and said very loudly "oh my god, you're pregnant again". Mortified. As was everyone else in the meeting (all middle aged men). Of course later I thought of all sorts of snappy come backs but at the time I was just frozen with embarrassment.
It happened to me again last year, after the birth of number three. I was at a children's party and a grandmother said "and you've got a fourth on the way!" The galling thing was I was actually holding DS2, about five months old at the time, so it should have been obvious why I was looking a little rotund. However, I've obviously become much more tolerant of casual rudeness now that I'm a veteran at all this and managed to laugh it off.

Try not to let it get you down OP. Her comments say more about her than they do about you. Enjoy the zumba.

lalalalalal · 15/05/2013 20:27

I got asked this by a personal trainer at the gym. Not once, but twice (about 3-4 weeks apart).

She backtracked with some guff about my 'posture', but the fact was that I was a size 8 (those were the days...). EIGHT. There was no way on this earth I looked pregnant unless I was pregnant with a grape. Or maybe an olive.

There are some idiots out there.

lalalalalal · 15/05/2013 20:30

Oh and after the recent birth of DS, I was at the hospital with him on the paediatric ward. He was 5 days old and a nurse asked me if I was pregnant. Seriously. I still had that weird doughy tummy from giving birth earlier that week and she was stupid enough to ask me if it was a pregnant belly. Confused

HerrenaHarridan · 15/05/2013 20:32

I also have alopecia and over-eating issues.

And I still stupidly, stupidly asked a very pretty, slim all over except for the belly lady if she was pregnant.

I will NEVER do it again and I will never return to that cafe! Blush

specialsubject · 15/05/2013 20:35

the only person to whom the words 'are you pregnant?' should ever be used are someone you are treating medically, or with whom you have had sex.

otherwise - never say it.

OP - forget it. The woman isn't worth worrying about.

VIX1980 · 15/05/2013 20:39

Same here, was working in a charity shop, some lady came in offering a baby car seat and i had to explain that we couldnt take 2nd hand baby items for health and safety reasons, so she says well do you want it then, it will save you buying one if youve not already got one. I mumbled something about no i didnt need one but was dying inside, and she left pretty sharpish once she realised what she had said. Ive since had it happen a few times, i once left a job because a few people had mentioned how i looked pregnant and as id laughed along it became a running joke that got really tired pretty quick, i used to cry and suffered low self esteem for a few years because of that.

The most recent one was when id just had ds, he was probably around 5 months, and a lady offered me a seat on the bus, i must of been tired apparently as i had a young baby and anoter one on the way.

When will people realise were not all superstars with personal trainers, sometimes the weight doesnt just ping off as soon as the babies here, its 11 months down the line, ive put on half a stone but that gives you no right to insult me!

Next time p ask the neighbour has she had any plastic surgery, if she says no, say oh me and dp were chatting saying how good you would look with a new nose/facelift etc. She obviously feels she can talk to you very openly so i wouldnt worry about offending her

mac12 · 15/05/2013 20:41

lalalalala...yes, it's unbelievable the things people say. A day, yes A DAY, after DS1 was born, my usually completely lovely FIL looked at my still giant belly and decided it would be funny to say "are you sure you haven't got another one in there". Cue tumbleweeds drifting across the ward...

Badvoc · 15/05/2013 20:45

Ouch.
I opened the door to a sales person last year and he started off by saying
"Good morning sir!"
I am a woman!
I know I look rough in the mornings, but really!...

MrsSpagBol · 15/05/2013 20:50

I am desperately trying to rack my brains and make sure I have never, ever asked anyone this!

Here OP, have these: Flowers

MikeOxard · 15/05/2013 20:52

This has happened to me too. Why are people so bloody thick and rude? I wasn't even big, I had just gained a few lbs. Sods. :( Have a hug OP. xx