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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not allow my child to go to a football parade on a week night during SATs week?

474 replies

TheDetective · 11/05/2013 19:28

I'm being called all the names under the sun by my ex, and DS1 is sulking and barely speaking to me.

I just found out tonight that Ex DP is planning to take DS1 to watch the Man United parade on Monday night. It is 6-7.30pm, and is 25 miles from home.

Any other school night I'd be fine with this. But not during SATs week, which it is next week.

I've said he can't go. He's worked hard for these exams, his sets for high school depend on the outcome of them. I just want to do what is best for DS.

I've rang my mum, his headteacher, to ask her opinion in case I am being unreasonable. She is furious that ex thinks this is even a good idea.

This is his dads reply by text 'you too are pathetic when he rebels against you youve only yourself to blame'. And 'Like I said pathetic'. Followed by 'just wait promise you he will rebel he already can't wait to get out of mums school I will laugh my ass off'. Those are his exact words by the way, not my typos.

I want my son to do well. I hope I am not being unreasonable.

It's not like utd don't have a fucking parade every season is it??

OP posts:
Hummuschocolate · 11/05/2013 21:31

You still haven't really explained what the problem is. What is it thats so bad that you think will happen if he goes?

LadyBeagleEyes · 11/05/2013 21:32

This is all going to kick you in the arse when he hits his teenage years Op.

Original poster
TheDetective · 11/05/2013 21:32

That he will be tired, it is a long day for him, it will be on public transport, and that isn't reliable at the best of times. I have done it by bus and train recently, in the day time. It took ages.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 11/05/2013 21:34

I have done Wigan to Manchester on the train many a time and NEVER had any sort of delay and trains are pretty regular too.

Hummuschocolate · 11/05/2013 21:34

But even if he is tired when he does his SATS its not the end of the world

QuintessentialOHara · 11/05/2013 21:34

I would let him go. One evening wont ruin the knowledge he surely should possess by now! I should think that especially during SATS week it is important to rest your mind a little.

My son is also sitting the SATS next week, and I have no had him do any revision, they have prepared enough in school.

landofsoapandglory · 11/05/2013 21:35

I would have let him go. SATs are for the school, not for the DC. He should not be feeling pressured about exams at 10, there will be enough of that in years to come. My DS1 is 18, he is in his A2 year, he and I worked out the other day that he has spent 4 Spring/Summers revising and under pressure of doing exams. Your lad should be having fun and making memories.

Tomorrow our day is being completely rearranged so my 2 can watch the ManU match, see the trophy be lifted and listen to Sir Alex's speech. If I lived near Manchester I would allow them to go to the parade on Monday, and DS2 had 2 GCSEs onTuesday.

SauvignonBlanche · 11/05/2013 21:36

Poor kid! Sad

WorraLiberty · 11/05/2013 21:37

Poor kid

He might be laughing now and not bothered, but when the time comes he could be very upset.

I'd let him go. SATs are a load of bollocks really and while they determine which set they go into when they start secondary school...by the end of the first half term they'll be moved around again if the set they're in doesn't suit their ability.

So he might get to bed a bit late?

Mountain - meet molehill.

rambososcar · 11/05/2013 21:38

"Well, given that it isn't his team, he isn't that in to football, and only wants to go because his dad does - and to show off to his classmates. No. I won't let him go... Ex wants to go, and because it is his night with DS, he is dragging him along."

That's really horrible. You're doing this to spite/out of dislike for your ex. Would you rather the ex cancels that contact night and goes to watch the parade? Because I would if it were my team and you were my ex.

You know, I hate my ex with a passion. I mean really really hate him. But not as much as you appear to hate yours.

ohforfoxsake · 11/05/2013 21:38

I hope you take him to the Wigan parade.

DontmindifIdo · 11/05/2013 21:39

But why would it be a problem that he was tired?

If you want to help out your mum by pushing him to do really well, then maybe this makes sense. Or if you are trying to stop your exH from doing the whole 'creating memories' thing (because this is the sort of thing a boy that age will remember as a big 'father son' event), but that's rather petty.

Honestly, I can see you've made your mind up, but really, it does make you look petty.

rambososcar · 11/05/2013 21:39

NB, I meant to highlight and only wants to go because his dad does in my last post.

TheDicktective · 11/05/2013 21:42

I'm not bothered if he cancels the night, it makes no difference to me. I'm quite happy having DS home with me.

Yes, I've told him I'll take him to the Wigan parade with his brother. He is happy about that.

TheFallenNinja · 11/05/2013 21:42

If he has worked so hard where is his reward?

It does seem more stick than carrot.

Yes education is important and you are aiming high for your child but are you aiming a little too high?

Before you even typed in the OP it was a fine deal really, it may be tough and it may go against the initial support you got but in the light of some if the comments here would it be possible to reconsider perhaps ?

It just seems like a nice treat.

It's not always about the battles, usually it's better to win the war.

TheDicktective · 11/05/2013 21:44

He's got a whole load of massive treats over the summer planned - and he knows this! He's being pulled out of school for several things before the end of the year.

TheDicktective · 11/05/2013 21:45

His dad is pulling him out for them by the way. He has a residential trip planned, and a weekend in Alton Towers to look forward to.

He's got a summer full of lovely stuff planned to be honest!

Sirzy · 11/05/2013 21:45

So your saying he can't do something special with his dad then your going to take him to a similar event yourself. Can you not see how that will appear to your ex? And how unfair that is to stop your son having that special experience with his dad.

TheDicktective · 11/05/2013 21:45

I'm not aiming high - just aiming for him to reach his full potential.

I'm definitely not a pushy parent!

Dadthelion · 11/05/2013 21:46

It's ok to pull him out of school but not go to the parade?

TheDicktective · 11/05/2013 21:46

He can go to Wigan with his Dad if he wants to - I really don't mind at all! It has nothing to do with it being 'something special with his dad', and all to do with the timing of it.

TheDicktective · 11/05/2013 21:47

His dad is pulling him out of school.

ExitPursuedByABear · 11/05/2013 21:49

As several people have said, sats are about the school not the child, so this is about your mum not your son.

rambososcar · 11/05/2013 21:49

"I'm definitely not a pushy parent!"

I think I'd feel less saddened by this if you were, OP.

TheDicktective · 11/05/2013 21:50

Why?