AIBU to not allow my child to go to a football parade on a week night during SATs week?

[TheDetective]

I'm being called all the names under the sun by my ex, and DS1 is sulking and barely speaking to me.

I just found out tonight that Ex DP is planning to take DS1 to watch the Man United parade on Monday night. It is 6-7.30pm, and is 25 miles from home.

Any other school night I'd be fine with this. But not during SATs week, which it is next week.

I've said he can't go. He's worked hard for these exams, his sets for high school depend on the outcome of them. I just want to do what is best for DS.

I've rang my mum, his headteacher, to ask her opinion in case I am being unreasonable. She is furious that ex thinks this is even a good idea.

This is his dads reply by text 'you too are pathetic when he rebels against you youve only yourself to blame'. And 'Like I said pathetic'. Followed by 'just wait promise you he will rebel he already can't wait to get out of mums school I will laugh my ass off'. Those are his exact words by the way, not my typos.

I want my son to do well. I hope I am not being unreasonable.

It's not like utd don't have a fucking parade every season is it??

SATS matter to schools, not pupils, so of course the head is going to say "no, he shouldn't go".

Let him go, they won't matter in six months time, let alone in a year.

I feel sorry for him to be honest, regardless of if its his team or not it would be something he would remember for ever and he doesnt get to go because of SATS and the wanting to create a good work ethic. i think this sounds more like you dont want him to have a fun night with your ex.

Well thats that the .

I wonder if it's important to his father to have him there?

Maybe he wants to share the experience with him.

At his age he should be learning because it is fun, not because he cares about exams or feels the need to bolster his teachers' careers. And he should definitely feel that school is not the only place where learning happens. You seem to have a rather narrow view of what constitutes education.

I would let your ds go and watch the parade, hes worked all year in school for his sats. Probably not the best person to ask though, weve done the promotion party at home, away and the open top bus this season.

yes, because the godlike adoration of people who kick balls around is nuts. Where else are managers revered like this? Why stand around for hours to watch a bus go by?

let us hope he learns better English than his father.

I am having a hard time telling my dd she can have a completely normal week next week - the school are fine and downplaying it but other parents seem to think their children should be shut in all evening and completely forgo their normal routine. No playing allowed, her friends not being allowed to go to athletics after school etc.

Am so fed up about it, it's this which is stressing her out

I would definitely let him go btw, it sounds like a memorable experience.

It's the atmosphere, the celebration, the sense of being part of something. I'm new to the phenomenon that is being a footy fan but I kind of get it having been to a few matches and parades.

I have also seen the bond it has created between DS and his dad, the good times had and sharing disappointment (City fans )

Just because you dont get it, or because your ex is a twat, I don't think you should be denying your DS a share in his Dad's celebration. But I am wondering if it's more to do with you than him, especially as you've taken the trouble to get others on your side.

It does seem that this is you having a go at your ex Op.

Why ask if you're being unreasonable? You seem pretty certain you're not.

I don't 'get' football either but there's another aspect to this which ohforfoxsake mentions regarding sharing stuff with his dad. I think that's v important.

Sounds like you'd already made your mind up OP, don't know why you were asking.

Sorry but if it is his night with his dad why on earth do you get to dictate what they do together?

I actually hope he does take him anyway as it is what your son wants to do and your reasons to stop him aren't good enough to say no IMO

Why ask? Why not? It doesn't change my opinion, but I just wanted to see what others think.

Lady his dad is a twat in general, this makes no difference to him. If you want another example, he let him watch Paranormal Activity when DS was 9. That kind of stuff. He's more in to lazy parenting, or Disney Dad as it seems to be known on MN. I don't need to have a go at him - never have done. I find ignoring him is better.

YABU, you've been told that by most people but obviously your decision. Don't know why you bothered asking really.

Anyway I think you should let him go, you're obviously biased because your mums the head teacher, but I agree with your ex.

He doesn't have a set night, he just asks can he have him on days that suit him. He must have taken Monday off this week to watch the parade, and as it is his only day off, he knew he wouldn't be able to see DS any other night. So he decided to take him along too.

I guess if it was local it wouldn't be an issue. But it isn't local.

Seeing as its your ds s night with ex then I can't see how you can actually stop him going.

I think he should go. If it were my DCs I'd be cheering them on. It's a shame your ex is being a twat in the general scheme of things, and yes he may be using this to wind you up, but that's no reason to keep your DS from something amazing. SATs are completely unimportant, when DD1 came home with a pile of revision papers over Easter last year, I recycled the lot. And she hasn't had any sort of dip in Yr 7, has just kept right on progressing.

So it's the only night they can spend together?

I guess it's a matter of priorities. My child's relationship with their parents - either of us - and nurturing that is more important to me than statistics and league tables.

I can just say DS isn't going that night. He doesn't have a set night, if I say he can't go, he doesn't go. I've only said no twice before, and that is because he often only gives me a couple of hours notice. And obviously sometimes I've planned stuff.

'He wants to go because his father does and to look cool at school'

And that's a problem??

Op if you put your mothers wishes as a head teacher and stupid meaningless sats tests before the above statement then I feel really really sorry for your lad to be honest.

Your ds will definatly know Alex Ferguson I suspect this is much more to do with pissing off your ex and sucking up to your mother than it is about a supposedly late night.

You are being very unreasonable and the vast majority of posters on here agree.

echoing what everyone else has said it was never about the SATs really, which are a load of bull anyway, that is proved by your constant sniping about your ex and his parenting. Hope you see sense and let your boy go and enjoy a one time occasion with his dad. regardless of whether you think hes a twat or not.

I'm putting DS's education above football, yes. Regardless of whether the general consensus is that SAT's aren't important. It's more about attitude towards education than anything else.

Poor kid.

But you've already said its his only night off so the only night he an see his dad.

Obviously you know best won't waste anymore time.

An attitude that life is for living is also good. No 10 year old should be missing out on things because of an 'exam'. No 10 year old should feel pressure to do well in an exam.

I think its quite sad you value a meaningless exam more than you do his relationship with his father and his chance to have a fantastic evening out with him and still be home at a reasonable time.