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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not allow my child to go to a football parade on a week night during SATs week?

474 replies

TheDetective · 11/05/2013 19:28

I'm being called all the names under the sun by my ex, and DS1 is sulking and barely speaking to me.

I just found out tonight that Ex DP is planning to take DS1 to watch the Man United parade on Monday night. It is 6-7.30pm, and is 25 miles from home.

Any other school night I'd be fine with this. But not during SATs week, which it is next week.

I've said he can't go. He's worked hard for these exams, his sets for high school depend on the outcome of them. I just want to do what is best for DS.

I've rang my mum, his headteacher, to ask her opinion in case I am being unreasonable. She is furious that ex thinks this is even a good idea.

This is his dads reply by text 'you too are pathetic when he rebels against you youve only yourself to blame'. And 'Like I said pathetic'. Followed by 'just wait promise you he will rebel he already can't wait to get out of mums school I will laugh my ass off'. Those are his exact words by the way, not my typos.

I want my son to do well. I hope I am not being unreasonable.

It's not like utd don't have a fucking parade every season is it??

OP posts:
Blueskiesandbuttercups · 12/05/2013 17:46

Not getting a good nights sleep,letting the child have a late and tiring night at the start of an important week and going against the school's wishes is not giving a shit imvho.

Blueskiesandbuttercups · 12/05/2013 17:48

No the body it's what us poor people who don't think football is the be all and end all of life call preparation for an exam.Hmm

TidyDancer · 12/05/2013 17:48

Actually, selfish in this case is the OP prioritising herself and her feelings over those of her son.

She is wrong, plain and simple, and has made a bad decision. I would hope that even if she feels unable to admit she is wrong that when she has been told by so many people, that she will do the right thing privately and allow her DS to go out with his dad.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 12/05/2013 17:50

But it's not a late night and on what basis would the Op's DS not be able to get to sleep thereafter?

He's more likely not to be able to sleep after he's been hyped up to 90 about the alleged importance of these exams for granny's career

cory · 12/05/2013 17:55

Sorry, but if they're old enough to go to the uni bar, I hardly think they will be referring to it as prep, Blueskies. Wink

annbenoli · 12/05/2013 17:58

I am a teacher and I have three children, the eldest is in year 6. He is taking part in a local amdram production of Oliver and will be up until after 10 every night sats week including tonight. He has got far more out of the Oliver rehearsals and show than his sats which are only important for the school. For what it is worth the school know he is doing it and haven't said a word.

Blueskiesandbuttercups · 12/05/2013 17:58

Parenting is all about prioritising our feelings of what is best over the wants of our children,I do it daily.

A parade will be knackering and if they get stuck in traffic which is highly likely the cause of a very late night on a school night.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 12/05/2013 18:01

ann - we need an [appalled face] icon for your blatant none shit giving behaviour as defined by blueskies. Grin

anothershittynickname · 12/05/2013 18:03

I haven't read the whole 13 pages but FWIW I'd let him go!

My DD has her SATS next week and also swims in a competitive regional squad. The only training sessions she will miss will be the morning ones before school and will train as normal on an evening.

Don't put him under too much undue pressure.

seeker · 12/05/2013 18:05

"Is prep what us poor people who like footi call homework?"

Grin
Panzee · 12/05/2013 18:05

African safari = glorified zoo. ;)

cory · 12/05/2013 18:05

Blueskiesandbuttercups Sun 12-May-13 17:58:48
"Parenting is all about prioritising our feelings of what is best over the wants of our children,I do it daily."

But it is not a given that all parents's feeling would lead them to prioritise the SATS. A fair few of those of us who have older children or experience of secondary school/HE would not see the SATS as overwhelmingly important compared to other learning activities.

TidyDancer · 12/05/2013 18:07

Blueskies - that is not what the OP is doing though! She is prioritising her own selfish feelings under the guise of it being for the good of her DS when it isn't. The best thing for her DS would be allowed to go out with his dad. The OP needs to stop kidding herself that a) the sats will be affected and b) she is acting in her DS's best interests.

It's like talking to a brick wall around here sometimes though, so I doubt the OP will accept this.

thebody · 12/05/2013 18:10

Parenting is all about taking sensible decisions and having a balanced approach.

Parenting is about building loving relationships with your children, loving them and supporting them in THEIR interests, hobbies, social and school life.

It's about having a laugh with them.

It's not bullying or controlling to the point of unkindness and its definatly not all about bloody sats.

floatyfloni · 12/05/2013 18:11

Oof what a miserable cah. Life is for living and creating memories. Let him go. If he has been working and prepping as much as you say, he'll still do well in that one test.

If it were his GCSEs then maybe...

But come on he's a child. They need some excitement and fun and he will be a small part of history (ok, i know its football history, but still...)

I hope you let him go OP, I really do. Because some of your comments sound as though you just won't allow it to get your ex's back up.

Secondme · 12/05/2013 18:14

Go. I sent dd to her swimming club as per usual in SATS week which she gets back from at 9. It didn't affect her scores at all but do what you think best if he really needs his sleep.

Blueskiesandbuttercups · 12/05/2013 18:40

Tidy you think it isn't the best thing for her child,she still does,it's her child.

Bowlersarm · 12/05/2013 18:47

Tidy and the whole of Mumsnet think it's the best thing for the child. OP and you blue are only ones who don't. Lets hope her child's dad can do something about it.

TidyDancer · 12/05/2013 18:50

Blueskies - the OP isn't thinking in those terms, it's obvious. If she was trying to act in her DS's best interests and getting it wrong, that would be one thing. But she's not even doing that. She's being selfish and controlling and pushing her own views on her DS and her ex under the guise of it being for the best. And she's taking the view of her mother who has a mistaken professional bias as backup. She is wrong. At best that makes her misguided, at worst manipulative and horridl

TidyDancer · 12/05/2013 18:50

horridl horrible

dangly131 · 12/05/2013 18:53

The issue is not only that he will get home late and be tired the next day, surely his excitement and lack of concentration both on Monday and the following day will be the cause of him not being able to do as well as expected. We had an event last week with our Y6 children which was a huge competition and the whole day of the event they were high as a kite. They couldn't concentrate on any lessons and were unable to settle to any work set that day as a result of emotions. The following day, as they won, again they were unable to settle and were busy rattling off tales of what had happened and how they were able to win the competition. Has it been this week no doubt it would've distracted them from their tests and they would not achieve what they have worked so hard to do so all year.

Blueskiesandbuttercups · 12/05/2013 18:55

Erm a thread on MN does not make it the right decision or speak for everybody. I know an awful lot of people who would agree with her ie that schlepping off to a football parade culminating in a late night on the first night of an exam week is best avoided.

Blueskiesandbuttercups · 12/05/2013 18:56

And wanting your child to do his best is not selfish.

Hummuschocolate · 12/05/2013 19:01

Blueskies there is a HUGE like I can't emphasise how MASSIVE difference between SATs and Uni exams. SATs test the school and all they need the child to provide is a picture of their abilities on an average day. Uni exams effect future jobs or qualifications. Its as simple as that.

landofsoapandglory · 12/05/2013 19:01

I have allowed my DS2 to do no revision whatsoever this afternoon so he can watch the ManU game on the TV. He has his GCSE's starting tomorrow. What he doesn't know now he will never know IMO.

My DSes have had tears in their eyes, lumps in throats and totally welled up watching Sir Alex's departure. If your Ex is a ManU fan, regardless of wether DS is or not, he will have been the same. He will be going to the parade because it is an historic event, and one where he can say to his son, because he isn't just yours he is his too, do you remember that night ip we saw that parade? It is an experience you are robbing them of for your own selfish reasons.

The DC aren't supposed to know they are doing SATs. Your mother only wants him to have an early night and stay at home is to keep her OFSTED report up, or get it up whatever the case maybe. You are both being selfish. Your son is a child, not a pawn to be used in pathetic games!