AIBU to not allow my child to go to a football parade on a week night during SATs week?

[TheDetective]

I'm being called all the names under the sun by my ex, and DS1 is sulking and barely speaking to me.

I just found out tonight that Ex DP is planning to take DS1 to watch the Man United parade on Monday night. It is 6-7.30pm, and is 25 miles from home.

Any other school night I'd be fine with this. But not during SATs week, which it is next week.

I've said he can't go. He's worked hard for these exams, his sets for high school depend on the outcome of them. I just want to do what is best for DS.

I've rang my mum, his headteacher, to ask her opinion in case I am being unreasonable. She is furious that ex thinks this is even a good idea.

This is his dads reply by text 'you too are pathetic when he rebels against you youve only yourself to blame'. And 'Like I said pathetic'. Followed by 'just wait promise you he will rebel he already can't wait to get out of mums school I will laugh my ass off'. Those are his exact words by the way, not my typos.

I want my son to do well. I hope I am not being unreasonable.

It's not like utd don't have a fucking parade every season is it??

Sorry yabu. Let him go.

I don't think she's made a poor decision I thinks she's made the right one,op he'll thank you in years to come well done for sticking to your guns.

Excellent summary, cory

Blueskies, do you seriously think in 10 years time the OPs ds will be telling his mum: "Thank you so much for not letting me go to the football parade because it would have changed the whole course of my life and I could never have got back on track again."?

Personally, I don't think it will matter an awful lot whether the boy goes to the parade or not. But what will matter is if his mum sticks to her uptight attitude that everything has to be just so or the whole edifice will come crumbling down.

If I was your son I'd be v tempted to deliberately fail the sats to annoy you and your mother. Stupid ? Yes. Understandable?yes, esp if he realises he's only having to do them to keep. Headteacher happy and his score will make no difference to him.
Op,I think you sound very much focussed on your and your mother's needs and not so much on your sons.

Re school I stick to my guns every time,they only get one chance.

It's a football parade folks not an African safari,there will be any more(hopefully not in an exam week).

I'm sure his teacher will appreciate the op taking his education seriously.

This is very weird OP.

Everyone but everyone has said you are unreasonable.

You said you came on here to see if you are being unreasonable but wouldn't change your mind.

Why have you asked the question on here? Just to wind everyone up?

And quite frankly I hope your DS does hold it against you, because you are being blinkered and so unfair to him.

Op talk to him,explain that being a mum is hard sometimes and you have to do what you think is best for their own good.Suggest that you and his dad come up with an alternative treat not on a school night.

Blueskiesandbuttercups Sun 12-May-13 16:16:42
"Re school I stick to my guns every time,they only get one chance."

No, they don't. He gets a new chance in Yr 7 when they revisit the sets. And plenty of further chances in Yrs 8, 9, 10 etc.

But if he believes that this is his only chance, then it becomes true. That's got nothing to do with the number of chances on offer.

Blue skies, have you read the whole thread?

Why is the OP's opinion more important than her ex's?

This decision is not for the DS's own good, it is because the OP is being silly. If it was being made for the DS's own good, it would be to let him go. I would suggest reading cory's post above for a nice succinct understanding,

Sorry once you're stuck in a lower group you have to work doubly hard to get out of it for what- a football parade!

Op I think your ex has put you in a crap position tbf,there is no way my dp would suggest a jolly the night before exam week.He'd want our dc to achieve their absolute best too.

Sats are for the school NOT the child and high schools do their own exams to set children anyway. You should let him go.

Excellent posts cory.

So blue skies, just you and the op. think that a 12 year olds sats results will define his educational and life chances for ever?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

We went in holiday during one of my lads sats weeks as it was the only time my dh could get off.

He is a graduate so kinda think it didn't really affect his education.

Absolute nonsense.

There was absolutely nothing in Cory's post that would make me let any of my 3 go.

But for an African safari you would allow it Blueskies that is your particular price?

Tell me OP. Would you be able to show this thread to your DS.

And then still justify your decision to him?

I don't very often say this on MN, because its generally a matter of opinions that differ wildly, but the OP is just plain wrong, as is blueskies.

It's such a shame when people can't see past their own selfishness to do the best thing for their DCs.

Blueskiesandbuttercups Sun 12-May-13 16:28:17
"Sorry once you're stuck in a lower group you have to work doubly hard to get out of it"

Which would be a far more valuable life experience than closing your whole life down for the exam.

But this will only be the case if you are in the lower set because of lower natural aptitude. A child who knows his stuff but has accidentally ended up in a the wrong set because of a blip on the day should have no difficulty in demonstrating his real ability. It happened to dd who was ill during SATS week; she was moved up at the first opportunity. SATS aren't about what you can cram the night before the exam: they are about longtime learning.

Right am off on an African safari,,

Hopefully dds won't be too late to bed.

Who decides that an African safari is more important than a chapter of a city's social history? However uninterested I am in football I think it would be difficult to deny that this is what the current Man United event is.

Sounds exactly like my mum deciding that playing the piano has more real value than breeding endangered species.

Who wants to take some kind of bet on whether or not this thread will end before the OPs DS finishes his gcses?

Selfish,no selfish would be taking the easy route.

There is no way on earth I would want to give my kids to get the idea that exams don't matter and basically they come second to having a good time.One day they'll have to manage their own prep when a drink down the uni bar would be much more preferable to sitting studying or getting a good nights sleep.

Basically saying we don't give a shit re school exams because we don't value them is a dreadful precedent and something I would never start.

Rightly or wrongly the Sats have to be done and it's one week out of an entire school history,hardly a hardship.

Basically saying we don't give a shit re school exams because we don't value them is a dreadful precedent and something I would never start.

What poster said that? Not even the teachers who have posted in this thread have come anywhere close to saying that attending the parade would be equivalent to this. Instead, they've all said to a one to go.

Is prep what us poor people who like footi call homework?