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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not allow my child to go to a football parade on a week night during SATs week?

474 replies

TheDetective · 11/05/2013 19:28

I'm being called all the names under the sun by my ex, and DS1 is sulking and barely speaking to me.

I just found out tonight that Ex DP is planning to take DS1 to watch the Man United parade on Monday night. It is 6-7.30pm, and is 25 miles from home.

Any other school night I'd be fine with this. But not during SATs week, which it is next week.

I've said he can't go. He's worked hard for these exams, his sets for high school depend on the outcome of them. I just want to do what is best for DS.

I've rang my mum, his headteacher, to ask her opinion in case I am being unreasonable. She is furious that ex thinks this is even a good idea.

This is his dads reply by text 'you too are pathetic when he rebels against you youve only yourself to blame'. And 'Like I said pathetic'. Followed by 'just wait promise you he will rebel he already can't wait to get out of mums school I will laugh my ass off'. Those are his exact words by the way, not my typos.

I want my son to do well. I hope I am not being unreasonable.

It's not like utd don't have a fucking parade every season is it??

OP posts:
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 12/05/2013 14:27

I'm sorry - I don't want to sound like I'm cross examining you but, in your last post, your saying your ex doesn't see your DS for holidays. However, earlier in the thread you say that he's pulling him out of school to go places.

I think what I'm trying to get at here is that perhaps - without meaning to - you sound very intransigent.

TheDicktective · 12/05/2013 14:28

He's pulling him out for his day that he picks. He isn't taking him away. Or having him for half of school holidays etc. He's doing a day trip.

Nehru · 12/05/2013 14:29

oh god OP take a chill pill

Sirzy · 12/05/2013 14:29

So if it finishes at 7.30 even it it takes 2 hours to get home he is back for 9.30 no reason for him to be in bed any later than 10 at the very latest. As a one off thats hardly a reason to say no!

TheDicktective · 12/05/2013 14:31

As a one off, no it isn't reason to say no.

I've said that already.

But it's the timing. Like I say.

TheDicktective · 12/05/2013 14:32

Lmao!!!

I'm just replying to people.

It doesn't affect you - I don't think it's me needing to chill! I am pretty damn chilled already, thanks for the concern!

BellaVita · 12/05/2013 14:32

What is it with all the SATs hysteria?

Stop making such a big deal out of it.

Let him go.

BellaVita · 12/05/2013 14:38

OP - AiBU?
US - YES
OP - NO I AM NOT

TheDicktective · 12/05/2013 14:41

I haven't said I'm not. I've just said he isn't going and any points people have made I have read - but have failed to sufficiently change my opinion.

What's wrong with that?

TheDicktective · 12/05/2013 14:42

I wanted opinions. I've got them. They haven't changed how I fundamentally feel.

I am not about to do something just because a bunch of people on the Internet say so.

I just wanted to know if it was unreasonable. That's all.

Hope that's okay with some pe

TheDicktective · 12/05/2013 14:44

I wanted opinions. I've got them. They haven't changed how I fundamentally feel.

I am not about to do something just because a bunch of people on the Internet say so.

I just wanted to know if it was unreasonable. That's all.

Hope that's okay with some people.

Sirzy · 12/05/2013 14:53

But why ask for opinions if you are obviously so sure of your decision? Surely asking for opinions on something is for when you aren't quite sure and need help to decide?

Goldmandra · 12/05/2013 14:57

Surely asking for opinions on something is for when you aren't quite sure and need help to decide?

Why can't it be for when you've made a decision and want other people's views on the decision you have made?

RollerCola · 12/05/2013 14:57

Ok fair enough, but have the opinions of others changed your own view of the situation at all?

Sirzy · 12/05/2013 15:00

why would you want other peoples opinions on something if you were happy with your decision though? Surely you wouldn't care what others thought and therefore wouldn't need to ask a group of strangers for advice!

Original poster
TheDetective · 12/05/2013 15:04

Just because I figured someone might have a really good reason and change my mind.

Nothing has.

I didn't know it wouldn't til I posted.

OP posts:
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 12/05/2013 15:06

Do you change your mind often, OP?

I mean that question quite genuinely

Sirzy · 12/05/2013 15:12

Well as everyone has given a whole host of reasons its pretty obvious that you weren't going to change your views. You are still putting your aims to annoy your ex above your sons relationship with him

SgtTJCalhoun · 12/05/2013 15:43

I actually think this is something your ds will always look back on with resentment. I understand that this is an element in all parent/child relationships but over something so pointless. I actually think you are risking damaging your relationship with him, or the early days of it at least.

TidyDancer · 12/05/2013 15:49

Oh wow this is still going on?!

Pele have given plenty of very good reasons for you to change your mind OP, but you're clearly hell bent on getting your own way and that's that. You have made a poor decision, but if you haven't changed your perspective yet, you're clearly not going to.

It really is not your place to control your DS to the point where it is detrimental to a relationship with his father that you yourself admit is not as good as it could be. If you were doing the right thing, you would encourage it. You don't have good reasons not to this time, which basically equals this being a power struggle.

It is sad for your DS that you can't get past the silliness.

TidyDancer · 12/05/2013 15:49

pele people

AphraBehn · 12/05/2013 15:55

Pele would probably think YABU as well.

thebody · 12/05/2013 15:57

Good luck with the teen years op.

BellaVita · 12/05/2013 15:59

thebody, exactly.

what a battle of wills that will be

And yes OP I have teenagers.

cory · 12/05/2013 16:03

The reasons that have been advanced so far are:

it would benefit the relationship between the ds and his father if he is not stopped from sharing something that his father finds important

there is no knowing how much the ds cares or not: since his mother has very inflexible views on the subject, he may well not want to let on that he does care

his father as a parent should have the same freedom to decide over what ds does during their time together as the OP does when she has the ds- unless the father's decisions are genuinely dangerous which is not the case here

it would be detrimental to the relationship between the mother and the ds if the ds gets the impression she is trying to stop him from doing things simply because of her (understandable) resentment against his father or inability to share his interests

there is no reason to believe that being slightly late for bed one night will influence the SATS results at all

if the SATS results were to be affected (which few of us believe) any mismatch in setting will soon be remedied as his secondary revises the sets

it is educationally important to take a wide interest in what goes on in the community

it is poor exam technique to let everything focus on the exams, particularly on the night before an exam

It would be interesting to see what the OP did consider a valid reason if none of these are.