To FB msge the girl bullying DD & tell her to stay the fuck away?

[Gossipmonster]

I am not going to but it's do tempting.

Said girl encourages others to do unpleasant things to DD. In Sep one of her friends pulled DD to the ground and kicked her in the head repeatedly and yday she encouraged a boy to straddle DD and make disgusting sexual gestures to her, filming it and theatening to put it on FB.

Every day some kind of other low level incident.

School are great and deal with it but I am fed up of DD having to go through this.

Just looked on this girls FB and its wide open all comments from sycophantic friends telling her how amazing she is. I just want to write what a total birch she is who is making my DD's life hell :(

I won't as I am bigger than that and am using correct channels but this is horrid :(

In the school where I work there is a policy regarding use of phones. One of the rules is as follows. Phones may only be used to take pics or films if it's essential for their learning, so when a teacher gives permission and supervises. Anyone using one for the kind of thing you describe would have their phone confiscated and the Police would be called.

OP I would hope that your DDs school has a similar policy - if they do then the Police may be involved whether your DD likes it or not. I would also be wanting to know why the teacher didn't confiscate the phone, that was wrong.

Have you contacted ofsted? Can they apply pressure to the school?

Sorry, I haven't had time to read the whole thread, but I'm also concerned that a teacher deleted evidence of a serious incident from a phone, rather than confiscating the phone. This was the instigator's phone wasn't it? Proof that she is involved in a very nasty way.

"THIS is what concerns me. Can you imagine being bullied everyday? Even on a low level scale? It is thoroughly soul destroying!"

Do you really think I can't see what my DD is going through? Do you really need to spell this out to me?

I am dealing with this in the way my DD wants me to desk with it.

Do you think I am enjoying watching my beautiful, funny, gorgeous, quirky DD suffer this every day?

I cannot go into school with her I cannot protect her when I am not there, how do you think this makes me feel?

I am walking a tightrope of not wading in and making things worse whist wanting to rip the head if this girls shoulders, and ensuring this does not disrupt my DD's education.

Walk a mile in my shoes and then judge me.

My sympathy is with your poor Dd.

Sorry your poor DD is going through this.

I was bullied at school. It's horrible and it still scars me 30+ yrs later.

Seriously - I would consider moving her. The girls she are friends with she'll still see out of school.

The bully will (sadly) go on to bully someone else, but at least you can relax knowing your daughter is happy at school.

I really don't think you should deal with it the way your daughter wants you too btw - she's a child. You're the adult. Take the reins.

I moved schools - at the time (even though I was unhappy and being bullied) I was mortified as to how it looked to my mates (and kept telling my mum I hated her) Trust me, i got over it pretty quickly once going to school didn't scare the life out of me! You're not your daughter's friend, you're her mum.

(and moving schools won't disrupt her education half as much as being bullied will)

She cannot move schools - that is not an option I am a single mum to 3 who works full time to pay my mortgage etc and SHE DOESN't WANT TO?!

Who is the parent and who is the child in this relationship?

You aren't protecting her at all. You are going along with her wishes to not make any waves because she is frightened and doesn't want it to get worse.

She doesn't want to??! SHE'S A CHILD!!!

She doesn't have much bloody option if you move her frankly.

Seriously because 'she doesn't want to' you're happy to let this continue?

Sorry. I have just read the whole thread now, and I have to say, you need to step up to the mark and be the adult here. Get this sorted. Either move her, or take the advice of a lot of wise ppl on this thread and sort it out like you mean business.

She is happy at school - apart from 1 girl.

She has a massive group of friends and has just got all the options she wants.

There is no other school I would want to put her in nor I can get her to.

Well there is actually - the local school which is constantly in the news for being in the bottom twenty schools in the county with a massive bullying problem.

I cannot understand how am "doing nothing".

I am dealing with it with the school?

Doing nothing would be not addressing it with the school?

Just because I don't want to get the police involved and move her to a non existent other school or give up work and sell my house to home educate her just not mean I am doing nothing.

Do you not think moving her from all her friends to another school where she will possibly get bullied there too will be worse for her?

Teaching her what? To run away from her problems rather than address them calmly and rationally?

I have only read this last page, so apologies if this has been covered, I haven't time to read the whole thread.

I was bullied like this in school, for me it was one particular boy encouraging others. It started when I moved areas to a new school when I was 13 and continued till I left at 16.

It ruined my life.

In every situation with everyone I meet that haunting feeling of being ridiculed and made to feel worthless is there influencing my behaviour against my will.

I'd say I'm only just getting over it now and I've had a load of therapy to recover and I'm nearly 40.

I tried to put a brave face on how much it was affecting me in front of my parents as they felt so powerless. I was lying to them because by then I felt so worthless I felt I wasn't even entitled to my feelings.

The school have a legal duty to safeguard her which includes protecting her from suffering sexually assaults for goodness sake.

Keep her out of school every day until the school can up with a plan of how they can safeguard her. Write to the head, the LEA and the local MP and tell them she will not be back at school until she is no longer at risk of assault.

Of course your daughter won't want you to do this, she is emotionally tied into the abuse and bullying. You have to save her. No one else will.

I am so glad everyone on MN knows my DD and the dynamics of my life so much better than me

I have name changed as this will identify me.

A few years ago my son attended a scout group. It came to my attention that there was some activity on the part of a leader that made me very uncomfortable. Sexual acting out, going into tents of young boys alone early in the morning.

I debated long and hard what to do. This man was my then husband's best friend. His wife one of my best friends. My son did not want me to report it.

But I did. I made an officiall complaint and I went to the police. There wasn't enough evidence for an official action to be taken. But personally it was awful I took the hit. I took the abuse. Friends and neighbours who refused to talk to me.

It was part of the death knell of my marriage because my ex supoorted his friend.

But four years later when I met another mother whose son had worse done and who he was convicted of doing it to and when the police contact me because they were going to charge him, then I knew it was worth it and I'd done the right thing I could look her in the face and say I tried my best to stop it.

Sorry for spelling mistakes i'm cryingi typig this.

you have to go to the police you cannot let this lie. This is too big of a probelm to sweep under the carpet. Don't you remember the we believe you campaign?

I have only gone off what you have said..

It reminds me of this quote actually:

My promise to my Kids: I am not your friend. I am your Mother. I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, be your worst nightmare & hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed because I LOVE YOU! When you understand that, I will know you are a responsible adult.

By trying to do this the way your daughter wants it handled, you are effectively trying to be her FRIEND. You are not her friend. You are her mother.

Ok. So don't move schools, but you have to step up and handle this full on mode..not quietly stepping so as not to embarrass daughter/make things worse. Actually, she's just saying that because she is being bullied and truly believes that. You need to be strong here and get tough - on the school.

What I am trying to say is what if you do nothing and thenthis boy iand the rest of them do worse - what will you feel then when you know you didn't do your best to stop it.

And for your daughter, we believe you has to be backed with something other wise it's just useless we believe you but we're going to let it keep going and not put a stop to it.

And my son would say now that I was right to make him report it. Because it was wrong.

Given what has happened to your daughter quite frankly I can't see how much "worse" things could get.

oh. it was this sentence in particular that makes me think you're going about things the wrong way..

I am dealing with this in the way my DD wants me to deal with it.

So you, the adult is taking direction from a child?

Why re you asking us for advice then! You know by posting this you will receive Different opinions and advice. Really you shoud t least consider those who have been bullied or who have gone through it. If you don't want to go to the police, or move schools then take it further up te education system, as the school seem to be doing sod all about it. The bullying is still continuing, an the bully has not been punished

This cannot carry on for 5 years, and you moaning on her aboutit

Ireported, what you did took such courage. The world could do with more people of bravery like you.

And I hope that, when he was eventually convicted, those people who dismissed you apologised.

You should go to the police. I don't think I could let my daughter go off to school every day not knowing what will happen to her - and what happens if they do worse next time??

Children don't always know what's best for them.

shockers not one has. not ever they never will people used to cross the street to avoid me he was one of the golden boys and I was the vicious nasty bitch who had been so horrible when it was all just a bit of fun I was making a mountain of and making far too much of and it was all me being a drama queen.

But this thread isn't about me. But the point I'm trying to make is that sometimes being an adult is making the child do something they don't want to. It means making the unpopular choice. And my biggest regret in the whole mess is that I couldnt' get it stopped in time to save other children from being hurt.

My DS was 14 or 15 at the time.

Leaving all emotion aside, the facts are that the school insisted on the footage being deleted. That was exceptionally negligent on their part. You say you are going through the school but how effective are they being if they allowed the video to be deleted?

No one is saying you are a crap parent or that you are doing nothing but many of us are understandably concerned because this has gone beyond bullying.