To FB msge the girl bullying DD & tell her to stay the fuck away?

[Gossipmonster]

I am not going to but it's do tempting.

Said girl encourages others to do unpleasant things to DD. In Sep one of her friends pulled DD to the ground and kicked her in the head repeatedly and yday she encouraged a boy to straddle DD and make disgusting sexual gestures to her, filming it and theatening to put it on FB.

Every day some kind of other low level incident.

School are great and deal with it but I am fed up of DD having to go through this.

Just looked on this girls FB and its wide open all comments from sycophantic friends telling her how amazing she is. I just want to write what a total birch she is who is making my DD's life hell :(

I won't as I am bigger than that and am using correct channels but this is horrid :(

[Fairylea]

I agree something needs to be done regardless of your daughters wishes. She's probably scared if the police get involved or whatever that things will be worse for her.

For me personally when the school became more involved the psychological bullying got worse, which is why I changed schools in the end.

If you say you can't get her to another school then you need to look at what can be done.. public transport (if she cannot get to her local school then a further away one should have some sort of transport provision if not public, some sort of school bus system like we have in Norfolk) or you might need to change your hours of work or try to in order to get her to a different school.

Simply carrying on like this isn't really an option.

[hackmum]

I feel sorry for the OP - she's clearly done what she thinks is best - but I feel more sorry for her DD.

I'm going to say what I always say in these situations: if you went into work every day and your work colleagues were doing this to you, would you think it acceptable? Would you put on a brave face and put up with it? Because this kind of behaviour is no less distressing if you're a 13 year old girl than if you're an adult woman.

[uncongenial]

Christ OP, are you for real? And you work in CP, you should know better

[differentnameforthis]

DD is confidant and happy and has supportive friends, sidings and me telling her how amazing she is every day

That's great, but bullying CAN & will affect all that! Especially sexual assault :(

[TSSDNCOP]

OP: AIBU

100% MN: YES!!!!!

OP: NO IM NOT AND IM HIDING THIS THREAD

[FreyaSnow]

I saw the film Compliance recently; it is about the true story of how a young woman is sexually assaulted because people think that authority figures think it is acceptable. There are a lot of echoes of that here. If a teacher deletes the footage, another child encourages the assault, the school do very little and the parents do not view it as a police matter and are concerned with the outcome for the assailant not the victim, all the children involved are vulnerable to abuse and to engaging in criminal activity in the future because they didn't see it dealt with properly this time.

[differentnameforthis]

I am sure his mum will kill him anyway

I am sure his mum won't! Like you say, bullies don't tend to have loving homes, they also tend to have parents who don't give a shit about their behaviour. Why else would he think this type of behaviour is OK? Because no one has cared enough to show him that you don't assault people.

Help your daughter before it is too late!

[differentnameforthis]

...your lovely brave DD who is trying her best to rise above all of this

I wonder how much of that is because her mother is being so passive about it? I mean, she would try to rise above it if her own mother isn't that concerned about it, wouldn't she? Don't rock the boat & all that! It can't be that serious if mum isn't worried. :(

[Wibblypiglikesbananas]

If this is for real then I feel sorry for your daughter. You have not dealt with this appropriately at all. What would it take for you to go to the police? Why are you protecting the bullies? What kind of message does that give to your daughter?

Your thread title leads everyone to believe that you are, understandably, extremely upset about this and want something done. Except you've failed to do anything concrete - one email to a teaching team who've deleted evidence of a serious sexual assault is hardly going to help, is it?

Go to the police and start parenting your daughter properly - otherwise in ten years' time, there'll be a stately homes thread about someone who was sexually assaulted at school and her mother failed to help.

[differentnameforthis]

Anyone who knows what they are talking about will know that you cannot report a sexual assault on behalf of someone else anyway

Pretty sure that isn't true if the person is a minor. So are you telling me that if my daughter was assaulted (she is 9), then the police wouldn't let me report that?

Big fat hairy bollocks, op!

[larrygrylls]

What is this thread about? Bullying. And what have many of you done to the OP? Bullied her. I hope you are proud of yourselves.

She has engaged with the authorities (both school and police); she is clearly taking it seriously. What she knows and none of you do are the nuances of the bullying and her daughter's situation and behaviour. She asserts that her daughter is basically happy at school and has a good network of friends and is a resilient person. She has listened to her daughter and is working with the school and her daughter to achieve an optimal outcome.

You are all obsessed with her going to the police. It is her choice whether to go or not to go. Given the situation, it is not an obvious choice, especially against her daughter's will. What the AIBU was about was posting on the bullies' facebooks, not going to the police. What the OP needed was some practical support (I.E working with her and listening to her, not a prescriptive remedy).

I hope she comes back and some of you with experience actually engage with her and help her achieve an optimal outcome. The police are not the only route and if that is not the route she is choosing to take, there are other ones involving the school...or dealing with it more personally, as she suggested in her OP (not that I would think that was the best idea, but seems to have worked out for some).

[Wuldric]

It's time that FB was banned from anyone under 18 - it is the work of the very devil.

[pigletmania]

I agree your dd safety and welfare come first op, the other Chidren should not be your concern. Get your finger out and go to te police, this behaviour is carrying on because nothing s being done and you are letting it! What if next time tey do serious damage to your dd and she needs hospital treatment!

[pigletmania]

How much more will your dd take! Yes she is rising above it now but if it keeps on and on tan she might not! You do seem very passive about it all. One e mail is going to do feck all, you have to show you are serious and you are not going to stand for it by going to te police and taking it higher. No the school are not doing anything about it, still carrying on tey are probably covering for the teacher and his/her son, and are happy you being passive about it

[Snazzynewyear]

It is getting a bit harsh in here, but it's worth remembering that it's not you giving them a criminal record if you report them - that is their responsibility in choosing to do the things they have. Not your fault, theirs. Not you restricting their future options, but them.

I think another discussion needs to be had with the school to address the root of the problem - this girl - rather than the lackeys who are carrying out her suggestions. The school must be aware of that, surely? Have they addressed things with this girl in any way?

[ajandjjmum]

larrygrylls
'like'

[differentnameforthis]

Well I for one am pleased if the op feels bullied. Perhaps she can read this thread every day for 9mths, feel bullied for 9mths & use that feeling to see where her daughter is at! Perhaps then she will act!

[FreyaSnow]

LG, I agree that the OP is not primarily responsible here. But the full range of people who are responsible aren't on this thread. Posters can only resond to the OP and advise on her role in helping her daughter.

The daughter may have very good reasons for not going to the police, but having a parent who considers this not to be a child protection matter and is arguing that from a position of authority (as both the parent and a person who works in social care so can claim to be more of an expert than the child in question) suggests the daughter is making that decision is a less than optimal context.

I fully support victims of sexual assault not reporting if that is their choice, but if people around them are doing things that will in one way or another influence that choice, they have to think carefully about that behaviour.

[StuntGirl]

I am astounded at your attitude OP. I hope your daughter has other people in her life who will help protect her when you won't.

[burberryqueen]

And what have many of you done to the OP? Bullied her
I do not agree at all, who has 'bullied' OP? Just stated some facts and opinions she did not want to hear. Bullying is what has happened to her daughter.
BTW i do understand about the police, something happened to my son that I once mentioned here under a different name, and I was most reluctant to involve the police ffor various reasons.

[3littlefrogs]

I agree. Deleting the evidence is appalling. Surely that is a criminal act in itself?

More to do with the perpetrator's mum being a teacher than genuine concern for the victim I think.

[drudgewithagrudge]

I was bullied at primary school and never forgave my parents especially my father for not sticking up for me. I have suffered anxiety and low self esteem all my life and it all stems from the fact that my parents didn't think I was worth 'causing a fuss' for as they put it.