To FB msge the girl bullying DD & tell her to stay the fuck away?

[Gossipmonster]

I am not going to but it's do tempting.

Said girl encourages others to do unpleasant things to DD. In Sep one of her friends pulled DD to the ground and kicked her in the head repeatedly and yday she encouraged a boy to straddle DD and make disgusting sexual gestures to her, filming it and theatening to put it on FB.

Every day some kind of other low level incident.

School are great and deal with it but I am fed up of DD having to go through this.

Just looked on this girls FB and its wide open all comments from sycophantic friends telling her how amazing she is. I just want to write what a total birch she is who is making my DD's life hell :(

I won't as I am bigger than that and am using correct channels but this is horrid :(

"Anyone who knows what they are talking about will know that you cannot report a sexual assault on behalf of someone else anyway"

It's not even that! It's the minimising of a serious incident that is riling everyone up.

It's probably very difficult to know that your DD is being so viciously bullied and probably very difficult to acceot. But minimising and excusing what these muppets are doing to your daughter isn't going to make it stop. What is going to make it stop is action. I hope that the school take a hard line on this on Monday or else in your shoes, I would be beating my war drum all the way to the LEA. I would expect instant expuslion of the boy involved, tbh.

I am disgusted by this thread in more ways than one.

I haven't minimised it.

It's my daughter - Why was I so angry I wanted to message the girl myself ?

I am taking action through the school.

Other than getting together a group of vigilantes and turning up at the girls home (I don't know where she lives) I am not sure what else I expected to to other than have him areasted which will be pointless and cause my DD further pain and humiliation.

Op i think you are doing the right thing for your dd.

I think its important to teach children conflict management. You will find bullies in every social situation from school to work to clubs. Its important to teach children how to handle the situation and how to follow the procedures the school or institution has in place.

Its important your dd has a say in how she wants to handle the situation after knowing all options to emotionally support her and to support her decission making and increase her confidance in herself.

Conflict management is for when there is a difference of opinion. Not when there's been a sexual assault.

OP, you did minimise it. You went from saying what you did in the OP, which made the whole thing sound very traumatic actually, to "Pffft he only straddled a chair and gesticulated."

So either you over-dramatised in the OP or minimised afterwards...

You already know the school are worse than useless and can't protect her. Why on earth are you so reluctant to go to the police and report it?

Could your dd have councilling to help her handle the situation? Or go on an assertive course or self defence course?

I think its important to give dd the skills to cope with the situation when it is being investigated and sorted by the school.

You might need to change schools if this continues, there are options. She cannot go on fr another 5 years like this

I also think sexual incidences should be delt with zore tolarance by schools. I think boys need to know that it will not be accepted by anyone to saxual insult, assult or attack women or girls.

In this incident, the sexual assault was perpetrated by both a boy and a girl. Everyone needs to learn not to assault people.

Yes everyone needs to know its not ok and the same punishment for girls and boys.

Op what have you asked the HeadTeacher to do rg the main bully?

why do you think she would be humiliated if she went to the police again? was that the experience last time?

OP you seem to think that child protection is solely about parents hurting/neglecting their children. It's not. In this case the issue is whether the school is protecting your child from physical and sexual assault.

That you are a good parent is to some extent irrelevant. At school it's not you who is responsible for protecting your child because during that time it is their responsibility.

If the incident was as described in your OP then the school should have involved higher authorities because sexually assaulting a minor and having that filmed almost certainly with the intent of distribution is a major red flag and needs to be come down upon very very hard. At my children's school they would have called in the police officer who liaises with them to talk to all those involved and probably the wider year group too as a matter of course. I would expect pretty harsh discipline too, with parents involved and sanctions.

I'd also expect the teacher who destroyed the evidence to be in trouble, as if there is an issue of a child directing the abuse then that would almost certainly have been caught in the recording.

havent read all the posts but id give the police this girls fb details. seriously.

your dd might seem resilient but it wont last long. and tbh id change her school too.

GO TO THE POLICE NOW.

and soc services and everywhere else others have said.

this is disgusting. and must be stopped NOW.

I agree that the school should have called the police. There is also no need to take your daughter to a police station, if a report is made she can be interviewed at home or at school. OP, Have you even tried to suggest to her why it would be a good idea to involve the police, or do you think that the police shouldn't be involved where a child is sexually assaulted?

It's normal that the victim of sexual assault doesn't want to report it. They feel embarrassed, humiliated and like they are at least in part to blame. A friend's 6 year old was recently sexually assaulted by a teenager, she didn't want her mum to involve the police either, she was terrified. Do you think her mum should have not involved the police too, perhaps because she may be ruining a teenagers future?!

I really struggle with the fact a parent thinks the sexual assault of their child should not be reported to the police and thinks it isn't a CP issue.

btw OP if they have filmed all that bullying and they put it all over the internet for all to see??????!!!!! your DC being bullied/sexually threatened for the public to see?

if i saw DC like that id be all for jailing these bullies. and id be the one to throw away the key too.

why arent you right now with the police?

Don't contact her and get the police. Be prepared because they bully might tell other people that she is being bullied by your DD, bullies love to play victims.

and you do know that being kicked in the head can cause a brain heamorrage(sp) if not now later on.

Really? No shit

Op, were all just trying to support you here, and Im sure you know the seriousness of all of this, PLEASE just do something totally concrete about it, PLEASE.

That wasnt a flippant remark i was making, btw.

How many threads on mumsnet over the years have there been about reporting sexual crime. How we should encourage women to do it, how it should be taken more seriously etc etc.

And then some mother dismisses a sexual assault in her daughter by emailing the school.

How serious would the assault have to be before you actually took this seriously? And you not pushing it is just reinforcing the idea that this is not that serious.

Dd had a boy keep rubbing her back in a lesson at school, I made one phone call and the boy was hauled over the coals for his inappropriate behaviour. Jesus, if he had straddled and simulated sex they would have had the police in there before I even picked the phone up, and if they hadn't I would have called them and showed my daughter that absolutely no one on this planet has the right to do something that they find uncomfortable or threatened.

Seriously, I see kids who have been bullied so much that they have no self esteem, they carve chunks out of themselves because it is the only way to feel the pain, they exhibit risky behaviour because they want someone to step in.

OP, I was sexually assaulted at secondary school.

The best thing my mother could have done was get me the hell out of there and into a therapist's office.

Instead, she buried her head in the sand, and the school brushed it under the carpet. Because an OFSTED inspection was looming, the boy wasn't punished, not even suspended for a day. I was even seated next to him in some classes.

I was angry at him for years. I was angry at the school. But I wouldn't be able to articulate the hatred I felt towards my mother. The lioness who should have protected her cub didn't quite step up to the mark, and I never forgot it - not to mention the destructive behaviour I engaged in including two abusive relationships.

Your daughter probably wants to forget about it and move on - I did too, but the adults in my life saw this as a way of getting out of dealing with the stuff that made them uncomfortable.

Please don't let her live with what I had to, it's a kind of hell I wouldn't wish on anyone.

I am a more than adequate parent and I am protecting my daughter

We get that op, but she isn't being protected at school, is she?

LOW LEVEL incidents every day^ .

THIS is what concerns me. Can you imagine being bullied everyday? Even on a low level scale? It is thoroughly soul destroying!