DP away for the night - is he out of order or am I being a bunny boiler?

[AAdamsA]

Long story short - I caught him fuckin' around on plenty of fish a few months back trying to arrange sex dates. I told him I would find it very difficult to trust him in the future. That's the history.

He had tonight booked to go and see a band and stay over in the city for a piss up with his mate (dp is 42, mate is 26). I wasn't happy about it but didn't want to turn into one of these people that never 'lets' their boyfriend out. But we agreed he would keep in regular contact and not get hammered.

So, they get there at 5pm, instantly start getting pissed up on shots and god knows what else and then he starts sending me drunken texts resembling those of a 12 year old: "my mate said do you know any fit, single nurses you could get him to together with?" jesus christ. His mate sends me a friend request. I accept. He then starts posting pictures of a pissed up DP on my facebook wall (luckily my pics are set to approval first). DP is obviously hammered and was hammered by 8pm.

At 7.30 he sends me a text asking if I love him. I reply "of course I do, do you love me? xx" and I get no reply. What I get instead - are facebook updates from his mate asking where the best place is to "pull" in the city they're in along with many statuses stating "we're drunk! party time!" etc etc.

So, despite his promise that he would stay in touch and not get hammered - he's absoluetly hammered and has not text me since 7.30 when I replied to HIS text asking if he loves me. He did however, find the time afterwards to go on his phone and update his facebook status.

So go on, AIBU??

[leobear]

You both sound about 12. He sounds hideous, but you also sound like you are enjoying the drama and the attention. Take some responsibility! You are an adult. Don't mess around failing your degree, not eating etc - take responsibility for your own happiness and well being. I know this sounds harsh, but you really do yourself no favours.

[Boomba]

I know its frustrating, but getting angry with OP is not likely to convince her the best thing to do is leave

[DeepRedBetty]

Well the Viper's Nest has spoken. But will you listen?

[leobear]

Boomba - you are right, but nothing we say will convince her. All we can do is tell her the truth.

[TSSDNCOP]

How many texts will it take before this "relationship" stops fighting and just dies?

He text
I text
His mate text
I text
He text

AAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

[QuintessentialOHara]

Op. You are a mug. A serious Price Mug with a Price Twit.

You went ahead and bought the house that will only be his and in his name and you share bills with him, didnt you.

[EffieTheDuck]

OP, so many of us on here have gone through this shit, left the bastard, gathered up what little was left of ourselves yet gone on to find happiness and strength.
Please listen to what these women are saying.

Begin by erasing his number then put his stuff in binbags and get him out of your house. Get the locks changed.

[GoblinGranny]

Boomba, she's posted an identical thread in Relationships.
You could post there and tell her what a bad, nasty man he is and what a silly sausage she is to keep forgiving him, and be ready with the big fluffy huggles when it continues to be the slow car crash of an abusive relationship that it seems to be.

[leobear]

The best thing you can do is be single for a while, enjoy life with your friends and family, indulge yourself with hobbies and interests, and WAIT until you find a good, decent man - which you will, if you allow yourself to.

[leobear]

goblin granny - I agree. Softly softly advice actually enables this relationship, IMO.

[SavoyCabbage]

He doesn't love you, he treats you like dirt.

[diddl]

I think it's sad that you even have to ask tbh, OP.

But you know what-if you're not happy for any reason you can get rid!

[Jemma1111]

Op, why post on here ? You don't seem to be listening to any advice .

This fuckwit has absolute zero respect for you and in all honestly probably doesn't even LIKE you . You are an object for him to use and when he's done with you he will discard you like rubbish .

To sum it up , he is treating you like a prostitute (and he's not even paying for it)

Seriously , have some self respect and tell him to go fuck himself.
If you ignore the advice given by everyone on here then you will regret it.

[Boomba]

I'm not advocating softly softly at all. She needs to hear the truth.

Bur all this 'im outta here' crap is counter productive....it is just isolating. I know OP is feeling really alone and frightened. It's all very well for people with their self esteem in tack to tell her, she's a 'mug"....you can be damn straight, she knows that already.

A number of posts have come across as quite aggressive

[Boomba]

And some posts are quite ridiculing, also

[Boomba]

OP you should have a read through the Support thread for people in emotionally abusive relationships, on the relationship board. I can't link, I'm on my phone

[SwedishKaz]

I second RuralNinja's suggestion.

[WilsonFrickett]

Your 'P' sees you as a warm wet hole for the times when he CBA with Plenty of Fish or going out on the pull with his 20-something mates. Potentially he also sees you as a replacement mother for his children. Certainly once he has you installed in his house he'll find it easier to grind you down and shut your nagging face up - after all, he's bought a house with you, what more proof of his devotion do you need?

You are worth so much more than this.

I'd be booking an Std test next week too.

[apostropheuse]

Wilsonfrickett makes a very good point. You need to be tested for STDs. Have you been practising safe sex?

[sweetiepie1979]

OP I think you sound like you enjoy being a victim all the he text then I text it sounds like a game to you. He is humiliating you. Sort it out!

[RiotsNotDiets]

LTB.

[TheBigJessie]

He cheats repeatedly.
He doesn't support your education and career.
He doesn't care about your birthday.
He gets drunk before he has care of his children. (Seriously he puts going out on the pull over his relationship with your and his children!)
He doesn't pay his way; you support him.
He generally treats you like shit.

Why are you with him?

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I had one of these. I was married and lived with him. I came home after I had finally dumped his sorry arse to find him comatose with booze, snoring in a car, stinking of spirits.

A huge sense of calm and relief washed over me. Whenever see him I still get that feeling. He is not my problem any more. He is exactly the same now, BTW, mid-40s. I have a lovely DH, lovely DD, lovely house, lovely life

Please get rid before you have a house and kids with him.