DP away for the night - is he out of order or am I being a bunny boiler?

[AAdamsA]

Long story short - I caught him fuckin' around on plenty of fish a few months back trying to arrange sex dates. I told him I would find it very difficult to trust him in the future. That's the history.

He had tonight booked to go and see a band and stay over in the city for a piss up with his mate (dp is 42, mate is 26). I wasn't happy about it but didn't want to turn into one of these people that never 'lets' their boyfriend out. But we agreed he would keep in regular contact and not get hammered.

So, they get there at 5pm, instantly start getting pissed up on shots and god knows what else and then he starts sending me drunken texts resembling those of a 12 year old: "my mate said do you know any fit, single nurses you could get him to together with?" jesus christ. His mate sends me a friend request. I accept. He then starts posting pictures of a pissed up DP on my facebook wall (luckily my pics are set to approval first). DP is obviously hammered and was hammered by 8pm.

At 7.30 he sends me a text asking if I love him. I reply "of course I do, do you love me? xx" and I get no reply. What I get instead - are facebook updates from his mate asking where the best place is to "pull" in the city they're in along with many statuses stating "we're drunk! party time!" etc etc.

So, despite his promise that he would stay in touch and not get hammered - he's absoluetly hammered and has not text me since 7.30 when I replied to HIS text asking if he loves me. He did however, find the time afterwards to go on his phone and update his facebook status.

So go on, AIBU??

[AAdamsA]

He's owned a few houses but never rebought one after his divorce so he's paid the deposit on this one and most of the fees etc. the bills will be equally shared as the money is going into one pot. That's all by the by now anyway as I don't want to be with him any longer. Still not heard from him, I'm curious about whether he will even bother to apologise for last night or not or will he not even realise he did anything wrong?

[EllaFitzgerald]

Adams - Reason 3) he gets to spend all his money on taking out other women and getting drunk with mates half his age because you're paying all his bills for him and no other sucker would let him get away with that.

If you sign the contracts for the new house then you are an absolute idiot. I'm sorry to be harsh I'm not really, you need to hear it but this is your opportunity to get away from this awful man without losing your home.

[BeckAndCall]

You HAVEN'T bought a house together if you haven't yet signed the contracts. You can walk away with only lost expenses. You won't even have paid a deposit yet.

If you don't walk away now, you'll use the 'but we share a house' excuse for the next ten years...... And then that was your life, right there......

[EllaFitzgerald]

Start bundling his stuff into bin bags now, before he gets home and tries to talk you round. Can you get the locks changed before he gets back?

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

Does he have any good qualities?

Is this thread even for real?

[GoblinGranny]

Are we victim-blaming here?



What would the experts say?
Yes, I should be gone, but it was the 'buying a house' bit that me.

Give it another year and you'll be posting about being pregnant, trapped, financially dependent, failed your degree and he's on the piss and won't come home OP.
Or you could just end it now.

[carabos]

So you have nothing to lose financially by walking away from the house purchase and you have nothing to lose emotionally by walking away from the relationship?

You have your self-respect and more to lose if you stay.

That is, as they say, a no-brainer.

[Nanny0gg]

Um, if you only have 'one pot' already, take your money out now - whilst it's still there!

[AAdamsA]

He's just text saying sorry for the rude message last night, my mate was messing around on my phone. So I stupidly replied "and it never occurred to you to apologise at the time or send anything else for the rest if the night? And he replied "I've only just woken up and seen it" so he was asleep at midnight or whenever it was sent?? Yeah right

[BigBlockSingsong]

I feel sorry for you op, the blatant fb updates about being 'on the pull' would have been the last straw for me, so humiliating.

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

Lying. How much more do you need to take?

[MrsSpagBol]

Aadams I feel like you are not reading what people are saying to you.

All you seem to care about are his stupid text messages. Can't you see that his texts don't mean anything at all in light of his actual behaviour?

[Casmama]

Why on earth did you think it was a good idea to buy a house together?
You need to extricate yourself from this relationship and buying the house and work on your self esteem- you are far too accepting of shit treatment.

[sweetestcup]

Puds why do you think its not real? Sadly through my work I know lots of women like the OP who end up in relationships like this. Its very real and very hard for any person with a good sense of self to understand why someone would put up with it. Yes it often come's down to having such little confidence that a crap relationship is better than being single. These type of men are really good at hooking the women and giving them carrots to keep them hooked, in amongst all the bad stuff. OP you are lucky you have a chance to get out now. No one should be with anyone who is actively looking for sex elsewhere, this is the crux of it, as bad as the other stuff is.

[Floggingmolly]

He's openly out on the pull with friends half his age. You don't need to spend the next couple of months thinking "I wonder what happened that night in Leeds"; anyone on this thread can tell you right now
There is nothing in this relationship for you, get out now with at least a smidgen of pride intact.

[pictish]

Oh right. So if he says sorry, then it's all back on. That's what your text pretty much says to me.

Ok - OP I wish you all the very best I really do. I also would bet my last tenner that your boyfriend isn't it.

I'm offski x

[Wowserz129]

Op are you insane! Don't buy a house with a guy who you have only been with a year and he has been on a dating site and is clearly a massive loser!!

[DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow]

Scrape the last remains of your dignity and self esteem off the floor and text him to tell him not to bother contacting you again - and mean it. Have some respect for yourself ffs.

[sweetestcup]

Of course the OP is going to "forgive" this time, he will turn on the charm and that will be that. How long till the next thread......

[GoblinGranny]

Well, make your choice OP.
Ignore the advice, the warning flags and the questions others ask you.
Just don't whinge about the consequences in another year, like an extreme sport, you have been told the risks.

[CookieLady]

You're not listening, are you?

1. Take your money out of the shared pot
   
2. Pack up his shit
   
3. Dump him
   
4. Thank your lucky stars you've not had children with him who would be witnessing your tears on a regular basis - because let's face it the guy's a first class wanker, literally.

[GoblinGranny]

She's not had children yet, wait a year or two.

[AncientCrone]

You haven't bought a house together, you are in the process of buying a house. Walk away now while it's still easy.