DP away for the night - is he out of order or am I being a bunny boiler?

[AAdamsA]

Long story short - I caught him fuckin' around on plenty of fish a few months back trying to arrange sex dates. I told him I would find it very difficult to trust him in the future. That's the history.

He had tonight booked to go and see a band and stay over in the city for a piss up with his mate (dp is 42, mate is 26). I wasn't happy about it but didn't want to turn into one of these people that never 'lets' their boyfriend out. But we agreed he would keep in regular contact and not get hammered.

So, they get there at 5pm, instantly start getting pissed up on shots and god knows what else and then he starts sending me drunken texts resembling those of a 12 year old: "my mate said do you know any fit, single nurses you could get him to together with?" jesus christ. His mate sends me a friend request. I accept. He then starts posting pictures of a pissed up DP on my facebook wall (luckily my pics are set to approval first). DP is obviously hammered and was hammered by 8pm.

At 7.30 he sends me a text asking if I love him. I reply "of course I do, do you love me? xx" and I get no reply. What I get instead - are facebook updates from his mate asking where the best place is to "pull" in the city they're in along with many statuses stating "we're drunk! party time!" etc etc.

So, despite his promise that he would stay in touch and not get hammered - he's absoluetly hammered and has not text me since 7.30 when I replied to HIS text asking if he loves me. He did however, find the time afterwards to go on his phone and update his facebook status.

So go on, AIBU??

[claudedebussy]

preempt his text and text him:

'i don't want to see you again. don't contact me.'

then block / delete his number and spend the day with your family / friends.

[pictish]

Just be glad you have only written off a year.

It's not even a write off entirely. Shit happens...but it makes good fertiliser...or in other words, you learn by your mistakes.

Raise your expectations OP, and stay single until you meet a bloke that actually meets them...not by what he says, but by what he does.

This current boyf is a waste of time.

[Doha]

Time to grow a pair OP
Get shot of him asap.
If you continue to let him talk you round you are basically giving him a green light to behave like this.

Unless of course you are enjoying the drama of it all.......

[EffieTheDuck]

Does he live with you, do you cook for him, do his washing? Are you financially dependent on him? Do you have children?

[pictish]

Oh God...please don't be thriving on the drama of it all.....

[Nanny0gg]

You know the answer to all this really.

Read your posts again, gather your self-respect and tell him to go.

[apostropheuse]

OP He's not begging you to stay because he loves you. You're handy for sex when he can't score anywhere else. You're easy to him. You are forgiving him no matter how awful his behaviour, indeed you are enabling it.

That sounded brutal, but I really think it's true and I think you need to hear it.

You need to respect yourself and realise you are worth so much more than this. Really.

Have some guts and tell him to leave you alone then don't allow any contact. Delete from phone, Facebook etc.

[BeckAndCall]

What , exactly, is keeping you with this guy? What are we missing in your descriptions that you see and we don't?

You have no children together, so it's just your life you need to improve.

Do you live with him? Would you have to move out but have nowhere to go - or would he move out? Are you financially dependant on him?

Seriously, now is the day to start the rest of your life.

[EllaFitzgerald]

He doesn't want to break it off with you for one of two reasons.

1. He's getting the best of both worlds. Regular sex with someone he knows is sitting at home waiting for him and presumably looking after his children whiles he's wanking off to porn in the next room; or
   
2. He does want to break it off with you, but not until he's got somewhere he thinks is better to go.
   
   Either way, he's using you. I think you can safely assume you won't be collecting your pensions together.

[AAdamsA]

I am seriously not enjoying the drama, god I haven't eaten properly in weeks, I'm failing my degree, I spend more time crying than I do laughing - drama is the last thing I need. We live together in a way, he lives with me in my house. I pay all the bills and rent though so it's not exactly an equal partnership anyway. He has his kids every weekend at his mothers house (where he pays board). On the plus side, we are not married, have no kids together, this is my house and I'm financially independent so it's an easy break. I just need to get my head around it. I know it isn't working and it has never worked. All the time I thought we were hunky dory he was on plenty of fish so it was only ever working in my head, not in reality.

[pictish]

Text something like...
"I'm not fucking about when I say this...you and I are done and over with. Do not come back here. I do not want to see you again. I cannot make it any clearer than that. We are finished."

Do NOT be abused further by his pleading, tears or manipulations.

He has no invested interest in you other than for his own needs.

He will soon move on to some other poor cow.

[AAdamsA]

One awkward complication is that we've just bought a house together. Solicitors, surveyors etc all done just waiting for the contracts to sign.

[StuffezLaYoni]

Mate, your degree is your key to a better future, better prospects, a better life. And you're fucking it up because your head space is filled with concerns over this cock lodging, cheating, selfish dickhead.

You have two choices - break it off and think of your future or carry on and accept you will live a life of worrying, insecurity, infidelity and being treated like a twat.

From your posts, you just don't even seem like you'd consider ending it with him. :-(

[pictish]

Bag up his stuff already then.

[StuffezLaYoni]

Do NOT sign anything!!!

[TobyLerone]

Change the locks, take his things to his mother's house and leave them outside, and cut him off completely. Don't answer his calls or texts and don't answer the door to him. Do it now. Otherwise your life will turn to shit, you'll fail your degree and lose your self esteem.

[LemonPeculiarJones]

So just end it.

There really isn't anything to debate.

Of course you could start a new thread which addresses the practical matters of leaving him and how difficult it feels emotionally - or continue with this one in the vein.

But there really is nothing left to discuss re him and your 'relationship'.

[Snazzynewyear]

Pull out of the house sale before you sign. Seriously. It will cost you money but not as much as if you go ahead and then have to sell.

[TobyLerone]

Shite, x-posts.

DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING!

[GirlOutNumbered]

Well consider this.... Do you want to keep living with him knowing nothing will change.

[LemonPeculiarJones]

Um. Bought a house together. Really?

[pictish]

Adams -you really need to examine what it is in you that wants to commit yourself to someone who you have caught looking elsewhere on POF twice with one year...by buying a house with the sod!

[StuffezLaYoni]

And (sorry to be harsh) don't think for one second if a woman came along who seemed a better leeching prospect than you, that he wouldn't drop you in a heart beat.

[EffieTheDuck]

He is a cocklodger. Be rid today and then you can concentrate on your degree and self esteem.
A gazillion mnetters are here for you.