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AIBU?

DP away for the night - is he out of order or am I being a bunny boiler?

161 replies

AAdamsA · 10/05/2013 22:40

Long story short - I caught him fuckin' around on plenty of fish a few months back trying to arrange sex dates. I told him I would find it very difficult to trust him in the future. That's the history.

He had tonight booked to go and see a band and stay over in the city for a piss up with his mate (dp is 42, mate is 26). I wasn't happy about it but didn't want to turn into one of these people that never 'lets' their boyfriend out. But we agreed he would keep in regular contact and not get hammered.

So, they get there at 5pm, instantly start getting pissed up on shots and god knows what else and then he starts sending me drunken texts resembling those of a 12 year old: "my mate said do you know any fit, single nurses you could get him to together with?" jesus christ. His mate sends me a friend request. I accept. He then starts posting pictures of a pissed up DP on my facebook wall (luckily my pics are set to approval first). DP is obviously hammered and was hammered by 8pm.

At 7.30 he sends me a text asking if I love him. I reply "of course I do, do you love me? xx" and I get no reply. What I get instead - are facebook updates from his mate asking where the best place is to "pull" in the city they're in along with many statuses stating "we're drunk! party time!" etc etc.

So, despite his promise that he would stay in touch and not get hammered - he's absoluetly hammered and has not text me since 7.30 when I replied to HIS text asking if he loves me. He did however, find the time afterwards to go on his phone and update his facebook status.

So go on, AIBU??

OP posts:

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Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 10/05/2013 23:48

YABU for hanging around with a knob like him. Have some self respect and tell him to take a long walk off a short pier.

CloudsAndTrees · 10/05/2013 23:52

Hang on a minute, you started of saying that he'd been on PoF looking for sex dates.

That's where your problem is. It's fine for him to go out and get drunk with a friend. I do that, I love my husband dearly and it is no reflection on our relationship at all. I even send him stupid drunken texts on occasion. It's a non issue.

Him going out and getting drunk isn't a problem. The FB thing sounds a bit pathetic, but whatever.

Your issue is that you are with a man that looks for sex on dating websites, not that you are with a man that likes the occasional lads night.

everlong · 10/05/2013 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AdoraBell · 10/05/2013 23:54

He's not an adult, leave him to play out with his mates and find yourself a grown up boyfriend who values you. And happy birthday for Monday, do something nice without the kid in tow.

Snazzynewyear · 10/05/2013 23:54

Seriously, do not reply to another text from him. Not a single one. Don't answer the phone. Every reply you send demeans you.

When he deigns to return and meet with you face to face, tell him it's over. Till then find something else to do beyond fretting over his nobbish behaviour and hanging anxiously on whatever the latest text has said.

LemonPeculiarJones · 11/05/2013 00:02

Why do you trust him OP? It makes no sense. Of course he's going to behave like this.

Weird that you added the apostrophe to the end of fuckin' in your first post. As if to lighten it?

He's just a twat, I'm afraid. End it or accept he's going to treat you like shit.

sweetiepie1979 · 11/05/2013 03:30

he sounds awful!!!! I can't believe your asking if your being unreasonable? Come on woman get rid he sounds like such an arse hole. Do yourself a favour on your birthday and get rid of him don't take him forward in your life. he was on plenty of fish he thinks he can do better than you, that's not likely to change happy birthday for Monday you don't need him to have a good day be good to yourself and don't be a victim.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 11/05/2013 04:01

Come on, AA...

It doesn't have to be like this. I mean, it obviously has to be like this as long as you're with him.

But actually, it doesn't have to be like this.

CheerfulYank · 11/05/2013 04:05

42? Ick.

Yanbu.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 11/05/2013 05:56

I know, right?!

When I was in my 20s and out on the tiles 40-something men were either invisible or else totally notable by their inherent tragic-ness.

Either way, just no.

StuffezLaYoni · 11/05/2013 06:15

OP, as someone who has been cheated on and made to look a fool, I really understand the sick feeling in your stomach, the second guessing every scrap of communication, the not knowing.
Well, after my partner cheated, every time he went out with his mates he would get horribly drunk and muggins here would be at home wide awake contemplating worst case scenarios. It drove me to mental exhaustion. And of course, he was having sex behind my back.

I hope you have a hallelujah moment and realise life is too short for pissing about like this and always feeling on edge.

chrome100 · 11/05/2013 06:16

I don't think it matters that he is forty two and getting drunk with younger people - I like socialising and have friends of all ages from early twenties to fifties (I am 32).

Also, texting him all night and getting him to text you makes for a crap night all round.

The real issue is the understandable lack of trust and the plenty of fish thing. Can you get over that betrayal? To be honest, I am not sure I could. A relationship without trust, where you are sat at home wondering what he's doing, is no fun for anyone. He had behaved appallingly. A partner should make you feel happy and secure. If he doesn't, what's the point?

GoblinGranny · 11/05/2013 06:23

'I won't see him tomorrow either as he has his kids all weekend '

So he's been browsing dating websites.
He's paralytic on Friday night, but has his children to look after tomorrow?
He's behaving like a free spirit with no responsibiities but his own pleasure.
How long have you been together, and why are you still with him?

GoblinGranny · 11/05/2013 06:26

Oh, and as an Oldie, I see nothing wrong with being 42, having friends half your age and having a drunken night. It's all the other things he's doing and not doing that are wrong.

TheOrchardKeeper · 11/05/2013 06:28

Cunt.

Leave him.

HTH

StuffezLaYoni · 11/05/2013 06:29

And OP I bet you've had a crap night's sleep. :-(

TobyLerone · 11/05/2013 06:33

You both sound very immature.

exoticfruits · 11/05/2013 06:42

I don't know why you want an extra child.

saintlyjimjams · 11/05/2013 06:51

Goodness it sounds far too much effort to have a relationship with this one. Think I'd prefer a nice cup of tea. Tell him to sling his hook then find someone who doesn't use the Internet to try and arrange sex with strangers.

NorksAreMessy · 11/05/2013 07:36

He really is doing his best to end the relationship without actually saying the words.
He is treating you with utter disdain and lack of respect :(

Now is the time to become icy calm, dignified and strong.
This behaviour is not good enough for him to keep the wonderful, exciting, funny and forgiving person that you are. You are too good for him, it is not you, it's him.
You deserve better.

Dawndonna · 11/05/2013 07:49

How old are you? Do you have children together? Why is he divorced? Because he couldn't keep his dick in his pants? Why are you wasting your time.

Isityouorme · 11/05/2013 07:52

What a skanky loser her is .... Do you really want to be in bed with a man like this forever?

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Isityouorme · 11/05/2013 07:53

HE is, not her!!!

EllaFitzgerald · 11/05/2013 07:54

If it was only a few months ago you caught him on PoF, then surely he should be doing his damnedest to be earning your trust back and making you feel like giving him a second chance was the right thing to do?

Instead, he's blown you out on your birthday weekend to spend a night out getting drunk with someone who's advertised on FB that he's on the pull, and purposely ignored your question about whether he loves you in favour of updating his FB status?

I think you know what you should do.

AAdamsA · 11/05/2013 08:21

Had a really shit nights sleep. Woke up at 4.30am. The last text I received from him was the one asking me to suck him off. Now even if his mate had sent it for a juvenile laugh - surely dp got his phone back at some point in the night and would have realised? You know, despite what he did to me in the past I've never stopped him going out - the one thing bothering me about this occasion was that he was staying out all night and yeah, of course I was worrying about the potential of him taking someone back to the travrl lodge so I asked for one thing - text me before you go to bed, just a goodnight text - might sound pathetic to anyone else but after the shitty behaviour previously displayed, it would have meant a lot to know that I was the last thing he thought about before going to sleep. Instead, I get a crude text saying "suck me of", im hard and wet" and that's the last I heard from him. Was it even meant for me??? Was it sent by his mate whilst the two of them laughed about my reaction?? God was it even sent by some woman he'd picked up?? I can't cope with it :-(

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