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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want this child to stop leaning over the fence?

70 replies

fluffitmore · 07/05/2013 17:39

Im probably a grumpy bag, i know this.

Ive not lived here long, its been snowing and we have only ventured into the garden recently. Half of the garden is fenced in high fence pannels, the other half in waist height ones ( its rented so wont be changed)

there is a little boy the same age as my DD living next door. every time we are in the garden he is leaning over the fence, i cant even peg my washing out in private. Hes constantly asking to come over, or for her to go round. We had a bbq and he was asking for food!

We were working inthe garden and dd was helping me so i told him there was no point waiting as she would be a few hours. So he went away for a few mins then came back.

Ive just got home from work and opened the door for the dog and there he is, leaning over the fence as he heard we were home.

I know its nice for DD to have someone to play with. but its getting on my nerves.

So, am i a grumpy cow, or what?

OP posts:

Lilithmoon · 07/05/2013 17:41

Yep grumpy old cow I'm afraid. Sorry OP. :)

Sirzy · 07/05/2013 17:41

How old is he?

If you tell him your busy does he stop?

Lilithmoon · 07/05/2013 17:42

OFC you may be a grumpy young cow!

Original poster

fluffitmore · 07/05/2013 17:43

hes 7.

im 34, grumpy, young- ish cow then.

but its my garden too, i cant even have a conversation with dd without him joining in. i cant sunbathe out there now, feels a bit rubbish.

OP posts:

getmeoutofthismadhouse · 07/05/2013 17:46

I wouldn't like this either. I must be a grumpy cow aswell.

TigerseyeMum · 07/05/2013 17:47

I am also a grumpy cow, our old neighbours were like this and even used to hang over the wall to watch us in our house.

Our new house has 2 very cute kids on one side but they don't stop talking and asking to pet the dogs/cats/chickens and hop over the fence and run around and poke their fingers at the dogs eyes and totter near the pond. I end up hiding when I'm not in the mood, and if I am trying to work/study I find it really hard going.

rambososcar · 07/05/2013 17:48

You're not grumpy, you're annoyed by a child whose parents are rude enough to allow him to do it and have no respect for your privacy or, as you have a dog, concern for their child's safety. I'm not saying your dog would bite but the child's parents can't guarantee that a person hanging over the fence onto the dog's territory won't cause the dog to react, can they?

I'd tell the child no to his request to come over/my child to go round once and then I'd ignore him in the hope that the lack of attention bored him and he went off to do something else.

LadySlatternlysHoover · 07/05/2013 17:49

TBH I can see how that would start to get annoying. When the DC were younger, there was a neighbour's little girl that used to ring our doorbell every 5 minutes to ask if they were playing out - even when it was past their bedtime!

Can you grow something thick and high against the fence?

Original poster

fluffitmore · 07/05/2013 18:03

not really, its up aganist the patio.

hes doing it again, just home from work and hes out there the whole time, dd told him no, he couldnt come round, and hes pestering. I left the house at 8 am, im tired, im trying to cook dinner... ive got homework, dinner to sort and all that, and hes just being annoying.

OP posts:

Footface · 07/05/2013 18:04

Grumpy old cow here too. I wouldn't like it.

Not sure what you can do though

BlackholesAndRevelations · 07/05/2013 18:07

Conifers in large pots on your patio?

IWantWine · 07/05/2013 18:08

Lol at 'something thick and high'. I would be straight down to the garden centre to buy as many Pyracantha (sp?) as needed. Either that or one of those big tent/awnings.

I value my privacy. Obviously. :).

Cosmosim · 07/05/2013 18:10

Tell him to send his mommy to speak to you. Then politely ask parent to parent.. I know how kids are and I don't want to be mean to your boy but he's asking to come to ours literally every time we step outside.

somewhereaclockisticking · 07/05/2013 18:10

I hate that sort of thing too. You can be polite to a young child for a few minutes but then you just want some peace and quiet - to sit in the garden or let the dog out or whatever - instead you end up virtually having to babysit someone else's child out of pity because his own parents can't be bothered to sit out with him. I have stopped sitting out in my garden for this very reason - we have 2 young children who expect to shout through the fence and have long conversations with you and will not go away so you have to come back inside to get away from them. I'm sorry but I don't see why that makes me a grumpy old cow - they're not my children, not my responsibility and why can't I sit in my own garden whilst my kids are at school????? Their dog barks constantly as well if you're in the garden - mine just lie there in the sun and theirs keeps barking and barking and barking - they just leave it out there without a care.....

Fenton · 07/05/2013 18:15

I am with you OP. As much as I love the 'all the kids play together in the street' type thing, I don't want my home and garden to be invaded by lurkers.

Having said that, I posted here some years ago about a neighbour's child lurking in my front garden to pounce once my very much younger children turned out to play and my arse got roasted to bacon fries, so, good luck an' all.

alcibiades · 07/05/2013 18:19

Could you put up some screening? Google for "fencing on a roll", the first link is this: www.primrose.co.uk/willow-screening-c-67.html.

I don't think you're being grumpy, by the way - I'd be annoyed by that behaviour.

LaurieFairyCake · 07/05/2013 18:22

Headphones - even if you're not listening to anything. That way you're not 'ignoring' them, you just can't hear them.

Original poster

fluffitmore · 07/05/2013 18:24

when we were bbqing he was asking for food as aparently they werent having any dinner. Now i highly dont suspect this is the case, but you just dont know, do you, and then i felt awkward saying no. But he didnt just ask once, he kept asking and asking and it just becomes really awkward. His parents were in the garden too and could hear, but didnt say anything.

ive had that willow screening in the past, it might be the answer....

OP posts:

defineme · 07/05/2013 18:25

I'm afraid I'd be more direct than any of these suggestions. I'd be making it very clear he was interrupting/disturbing me. I'd point out it is rude to hang over the fence and look in my garden. I would directly say that he's to go away-you're in charge, you're the adult.
I am nice, kids from the street come round to my house a lot, but they know my rules and those include be polite, don't ask for stuff and do as you're told!

BackforGood · 07/05/2013 18:27

You sound grumpy to me. I would be (indeed am) delighted that next door have a similar age child for your child to play with. It's much more fun for children to have another child to play with than to have to be just them and their Mum, or to play on their own all the time. What a bonus of living there, is what I'd think.

.... ok, the asking for food is another thing....

ReluctantlyBeingYoniMassaged · 07/05/2013 18:28

Tell him to stop calling over the fence.

Original poster

fluffitmore · 07/05/2013 18:30

oh i am pleased my child has someone to play with, its lovely.

What i dont like is i cant even peg washing out in my dressing gown without a running comentary on what im doing and what it is im pegging out. I cant garden without constant questions, i cant feed the pets, i cant even have a bbq. Its too much.

If he just asked once and then went away, then that would be fine, but he doesnt.

OP posts:

fluffyraggies · 07/05/2013 18:33

Personally OP i'm with you. Very annoying after the first day or two, this sort of thing.

ask parent to parent.. I know how kids are and I don't want to be mean to your boy but he's asking to come to ours literally every time we step outside.

^ in awe of the assertiveness of this! Just - wow. This is probably the right^ thing to do.

However - if it were me i'd be googling screening panels

jamdonut · 07/05/2013 18:33

No I wouldn't like it and DON't like it...child next door a bit like that. MY kids are way too old to play with him!

I don't think it is fair to let your child annoy the neighbours, even if they have got children the same age. You should wait to be asked.

I don't think I'm grumpy,I just value my privacy.

SacreBlue · 07/05/2013 18:39

Having read a thread (no link - not mastered the art of thread searching yet) from heavily pg OP being constantly not just talked to in the garden but home invasion by a load of kids near her I would advise nipping this in the bud as soon as you can.

Pushing boundaries literally and metaphorically is sort of par for the course with kids and if you don't lay down ground rules like defineme says then you may well get walked all over.

I had this issue in one of our previous homes and the kids started off polite but some became increasingly demanding. Kids here, not long moved nearby, are currently trying to infiltrate our garden and neighbours but we appear to have a united front of "Oi, out!" atm

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