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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want this child to stop leaning over the fence?

70 replies

fluffitmore · 07/05/2013 17:39

Im probably a grumpy bag, i know this.

Ive not lived here long, its been snowing and we have only ventured into the garden recently. Half of the garden is fenced in high fence pannels, the other half in waist height ones ( its rented so wont be changed)

there is a little boy the same age as my DD living next door. every time we are in the garden he is leaning over the fence, i cant even peg my washing out in private. Hes constantly asking to come over, or for her to go round. We had a bbq and he was asking for food!

We were working inthe garden and dd was helping me so i told him there was no point waiting as she would be a few hours. So he went away for a few mins then came back.

Ive just got home from work and opened the door for the dog and there he is, leaning over the fence as he heard we were home.

I know its nice for DD to have someone to play with. but its getting on my nerves.

So, am i a grumpy cow, or what?

OP posts:

DiscoDonkey · 07/05/2013 21:52

In the nicest possible way basketofchocolate just man up! Go outside tell your DS to get down or he's coming inside.

rambososcar · 07/05/2013 21:57

Basket, that's exactly where you should be addressing it! At least then the neighbours know that you're teaching your son that his behaviour is rude and annoying and that you're not ignoring it.

But, but, if he's behaving like this despite you telling him because he doesn't "get" that it's impolite then it's your job to bring him indoors until you have time to supervise him outdoors, not just say that you've "notices that he is constantly standing on a high piece of stone and nosing at the neighbours in their garden and waving at them" and merely "try to encourage him away".

maddening · 07/05/2013 22:02

next time ask him to bring his mother/father to speak to you and explain the issue to them

Basketofchocolate · 07/05/2013 22:08

I do tell him to come away but perhaps not explaining why enough. Will do that tomorrow before he goes out to play and make sure he knows to stop it. I have realised they might be getting annoyed by it, but am glad I saw this as now realise that have to make sure he stops.

If anyone has a few kids who play in the garden lots and you know an only child locally, please do ask them over to play every now and again. It's a lonely life in the nice weather.

Original poster

fluffitmore · 07/05/2013 22:11

i dont think i can do that..... It might be a cultural thing, they are from poland, there are a lot of them living in the house, hes outside by himself and i havent seen the parents at all really.

i dont think its his fault, i think hes just bored and ill have to just tell him, repeatedley.

DD used to sit on the top of her slide and watch the neighbours and try to talk to them when she was little. I used to tell her to get down, sometimes the neightbours spoke to her, and sometimes they didnt. She had to learn that its rude to impose on people, its my job as a parent to teach her that, so basket, thats what you should do with your DS.

However, now dd feels bad about having to tell him to go away, as she knows thats not a nice thing to have to say and knows he will feel sad.

OP posts:

DiscoDonkey · 07/05/2013 22:26

Problem is if he doesn't learn to respect people's personal space he will alienate himself to the point people avoid him like the plague, which would be sad as he's just a small boy.

CherylTrole · 07/05/2013 22:37

YANBU But is there any chance this little boy is being neglected or he is lonely? I would have thought that by now any normal parent would have intervened and told him to stop it? Do his parents even realise he is doing this?

Cosmosim · 07/05/2013 22:38

If they're from Poland, discipline away. It takes a village is the mentality of most Eastern European upbringing and most would laugh at the indulgence lots of parents show (in public) to their misbehaving kids. He would by only be told off directly but then his mother would be told off for failing to discipline her child.

Cosmosim · 07/05/2013 22:40

To add, she probably genuinely believes you don't mind, otherwise you would've spoken up. Think this is a cultural misunderstanding.

maddening · 07/05/2013 22:42

you could speak to the mother in totally friendly terms though - maybe suggest that between you you could arrange times he comes round to play but the rest of the time could she encourage him to respect your privacy - I don't think it is anything to do with culture.

thebody · 07/05/2013 22:44

This would drive me fucking mad.

You won't change the child so you need to block the view.

Go to the garden centre pronto.

Fuckwittery · 07/05/2013 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

suebfg · 07/05/2013 22:45

Sorry OP, I think you're being a misery guts. I'd love DS to have children next door to play with.

SarahAndFuck · 07/05/2013 22:48

Trellis or screening of some sort.

Or a more bitey kind of dog, something that bounces up and nips a bit. Our neighbours have one of those. We don't want to hang over their fence but if we did want to, we couldn't, because that dog is like a paper cut on springs

When I was six the little girl next door to us was always at the fence annoying me. All the time asking questions and wanting to play. I can still remember now the way she used to say "what's your name called...what's his name called...what's your dog's name called..." She did my head in. I feel for you and your DD.

thebody · 07/05/2013 22:54

Sarah, we lived near a boy my parents called Magnus because he leant over the fence and constantly asked question after question.

Did my fucking head in as a child.

My Dcs would hate this as well as liked friends over but invited not all the bloody time.

Garden centre and screening.

intheshed · 07/05/2013 22:56

I would nip it in the bud now by putting up some kind of screening thing. We moved here 4 years ago and had similar issues with the boy next door. But I got on with his mum and just kind of put up with it, sometimes it was nice for the kids to have someone to play with. Now, 3 kids later, and they literally just expect to come over every bloody time they see us (or sometimes don't even ask!) But I feel like I know them too well to suddenly erect a big fence!

rambososcar · 07/05/2013 23:12

"Sorry OP, I think you're being a misery guts. I'd love DS to gawp at, continually talk at and annoy my neighbours have children next door to play with."

Uh huh? Until the OP's reality becomes your reality, maybe.

BackforGood · 07/05/2013 23:20

Anna5Towns - I'm with you.
Oh, and the little lad next door is a bit like this, but it's fine, I'd far rather have lovely friendly neighbours than not.

rambososcar · 07/05/2013 23:31

What comes to mind is that the people who don't mind the sort of rudeness that this child and his parents are displaying are the same sort of people who don't mind their children behaving like this to their neighbours, either because they think that little Johnny is such a delight that everyone wants to spend three hours in their garden answering his incessant questions about his washing, because they think that he's "just a child", should be allowed to express his little self and so doesn't need to learn basic manners or that they just can't be bothered to do anything to stop him.

thebody · 07/05/2013 23:32

Lovely and friendly = polite. That isn't constantly looking over a fence and constantly asking questions.

Totally different things.

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