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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want this child to stop leaning over the fence?

70 replies

fluffitmore · 07/05/2013 17:39

Im probably a grumpy bag, i know this.

Ive not lived here long, its been snowing and we have only ventured into the garden recently. Half of the garden is fenced in high fence pannels, the other half in waist height ones ( its rented so wont be changed)

there is a little boy the same age as my DD living next door. every time we are in the garden he is leaning over the fence, i cant even peg my washing out in private. Hes constantly asking to come over, or for her to go round. We had a bbq and he was asking for food!

We were working inthe garden and dd was helping me so i told him there was no point waiting as she would be a few hours. So he went away for a few mins then came back.

Ive just got home from work and opened the door for the dog and there he is, leaning over the fence as he heard we were home.

I know its nice for DD to have someone to play with. but its getting on my nerves.

So, am i a grumpy cow, or what?

OP posts:
FiveHoursSleep · 07/05/2013 18:39

I think you are probably being grumpy but I'd be grumpy too!
Our first house had waist high fences and everytime any of us went outside, the entire next door family came out too, to see what we were doing! I quickly became tedious.
We have a couple of large dogs now so we need 8 foot high fences to keep them in. The only time we see the neighbours now is from the front garden.

MyCarHasBrokenDownAgain · 07/05/2013 18:43

I'm on OPs side, this would drive me NUTS! Definitely would be putting up the screening panels.

Kooza · 07/05/2013 18:52

I don't think you're being grumpy AT ALL. This would seriously annoy me.

I do not allow my DCs to shout through the fence or peak into anyone's garden. I think it's bloody rude and everyone is entitled to expect some degree of privacy, or at the very least to be left alone on their own property!

I would look at something to screen the fence, willow panels are nice but you can see through them. I would also tell the boy that you don't want to be rude but that he needs to stop pestering you and hanging over your fence.

If the parents can see him doing it and haven't bothered to correct him then it's probably not worth talking to them!

YouDontWinFriendsWithSalad · 07/05/2013 18:58

I wouldn't like this. And the asking for food is just rude!

Super soaker?

(I jest)

shoppingbagsundereyes · 07/05/2013 19:01

I would hate this too. My poor mum (66 retired) feels she can't sit in her garden because the next door neighbours have put a huge climbing frame by the shared fence and their little girl sits at the top and wants to talk to mum over the fence. Mum just wants to be on her own in her garden.

Pollydon · 07/05/2013 19:03

Grin at supersoaker.
Seriously op, it would do my swede in.
although I once came home to find my (old) neighbours 7 yr old swinging happily on my then 2 yr old dd's swing !

TheSloppelganger · 07/05/2013 19:33

YAsoNBU. In my opinion excessively friendly neighbours can sometimes be almost as much of a pain in the arse as vile ones - they can certainly spoil your enjoyment of spending time in your garden just as easily.

Where we lived before, literally every time I stepped out of my door the woman next door would rush over to talk to me.

Every single time. No peace. Not ever. I couldn't sit out with a cuppa and a magazine. Couldn't bbq with friends. Couldn't weed the flowerbeds. Hang the washing out. Nothing. Because she always popped up, talking incessantly.

She was actually a nice enough woman, but I just wanted to be able to put my bloody bin out without having her appear to try to invite herself in for coffee. Thank fuck we moved because I was starting to feel mildly homicidal.

As it sounds like the parents are already aware of his pestering behavior and didn't try to stop him I wouldn't waste my breath trying to get them to make him back off.

I would definitely be erecting some kind of high barrier to prevent him seeing you though, so at least he can't dangle over the fence any more. He could still talk at you when he hears you in your garden, but I suspect it would be less interesting for him, and easier for you to ignore him if he can't really see what is going on.

DailyNameChanger · 07/05/2013 19:35

It is the parents who are rude for letting him do it. I have the same problem next door, two girls hanging over chatting to me. I hated it at first. Now I have acclimatised and chat away to them while I am going about my business lol. If they start to get on my nerves I just sit with a magazine and ignore them!!! I can't really screen that bit either, I may find a way round it in a few years. The little one is only 3 and I would feel very mean. Another year or two though, tough, she can learn some manners or I'm putting a marquee up !!!!!

Machli · 07/05/2013 19:39

My Mum used to tell kids like that to "shut up", in firm tones Grin.

How she never got decked by a precious parent I will never know.

Molehillmountain · 07/05/2013 19:45

No, yanbu. It would make me mad. On our street, the children play at the front, with a parent about, but if they're in their own garden, it's assumed they're playing alone. My children always want to head across to our neighbour across he road and I'm even a bit apologetic about this but actually, they have a nice time together. I never allow dd just to knock and if we were next door I wouldn't allow her to fence hang. The parents need to spend more time with their dc by the sound of it.

Molehillmountain · 07/05/2013 19:46

I should say they want to head across every time they're playing on their drive at the front.

Gottalovecosta · 07/05/2013 19:51

My neighbour's children would do this, we never, ever had any peace and it does drive you slightly insane. They would even climb up the wall, hold on to the trellis and get onto my flat roof (we have an extension at the back of the house with a flat roof) - I'd hear their feet on the roof and go and knock on the door to let mum know, who'd just laugh! (they were pre-schoolers!)

They moved to australia. Thank God. Say something, don't let it go on for years in the hopes they move away, like I did!

YellowDinosaur · 07/05/2013 19:55

If it is rented and the low fence is by the patio could a trellis planter be the answer? Not that cheap but you could plant something fast growing and spiky and take it away with you when you move?

LadySlatternlysHoover · 07/05/2013 19:55

THIS might be the answer

AnnaFiveTowns · 07/05/2013 19:55

This is depressing. I can't believe that so many people thinks it's rude for parents to allow a little boy to chat to his neighbours over the fence.

YellowDinosaur · 07/05/2013 19:57

Or if your going to be there a while could you ask the landlord if he / she would mind you changing the fence panels to full height ones if you pay?

Not being able to have peace in my garden would do my nut in.

rambososcar · 07/05/2013 20:10

This has just brought back memories of when we lived next door to the world's most irritating child and world's most PFB and SSOOMCA mother. The girl was about 7, younger than my children, and would talk at us constantly every time we went into the garden, including when we had guests over for a barbeque, while the mother just smiled indulgently.

In the end my children got so fed up with her one weekend that one of them told her to go away, it was rude to stare over people's garden fences and shout out to them all the time. The next thing we knew the mother had gone and complained to the school that my children wouldn't talk to her child when they were in their garden!

Original poster
fluffitmore · 07/05/2013 20:11

anna - its not rude if its a little chat for a few minutes, but that isnt what this is.

OP posts:
Machli · 07/05/2013 20:13

Chatting a couple of times a week is fine. A constant verbal commentary whenever you set foot in the garden is not. My sister stopped using her garden full stop because of the inane conversations her neighbour would engage her in. She's ok now though after Big Fence came Grin.

rambososcar · 07/05/2013 20:17

AnnaFiveTowns, so many of us think it's rude because it is rude. It's basic manners that you don't stare into people's homes or gardens, which is why most of us teach our children not to do it from an early age.

ChaoticTranquility · 07/05/2013 21:19

LadySlatternlysHoover Grin

YANBU the occasional time is acceptable but every time you go into the garden isn't. It'd get on my nerves too, I value my privacy.

DoTheBestThingsInLifeHaveFleas · 07/05/2013 21:27

I am with Defineme. I would definately tell the child that you were busy and do not have time to talk. It is also OK to tell him that you are playing a game or whatever with DC and that it is not okay for him to join in this time. I would perhaps initially mention it to the parents if you have that sort of relationship with them. If he continued to pester, I would then be firm and make sure the parents heard you telling him to go away... That said it would make me very sad if his own parents can't be bothered with him and I would then make a rod for my own back my being nice to him. Oh dear, poor you, how tricky.

DiscoDonkey · 07/05/2013 21:28

I'm on your side OP, we have a rather persistent resident on our street, fortunately not my direct neighbour but he is at the door before 9am on the weekend and if you don't answer he just knocks and knocks and knocks! And then peers through the windows.

Tbh I've started being fairly blunt "sorry dc aren't playing today don't knock again today please" or "don't knock before lunch at the weekend we like to have a quiet morning"

With the pestering for food thing as hard as it may be you should have said "I've said no please don't ask again"

You don't have to be mean or unkind, just firm, very firm.

AlexReidsLonelyBraincell · 07/05/2013 21:40

Half seven the other morning the child next door was dangling over the fence, gawping into my kitchen window. (I'd put money on the parent's still being in bed at the time). I hate it, and feel like a bloody zoo animal some days.
I am no pushover, but she does not take one bit of notice.

She proceeds to shout dc1's name over and over until one of us cracks and answers her. We didn't the other day and it went on for literally hours. It's a joke and though the family are nice enough, they let her do it and don't say anything, who would do that?

She never takes no for an answer and pesters to the point the Dc's get fed up with her.

YANBU op. :)

Basketofchocolate · 07/05/2013 21:43

My only DS has started doing this to the couple next door. They are in their 60s. I can't spend all the time out there playing with him (he is in the garden practically all the time we're at home and I usually get on with stuff in the kitchen (next to the garden) while he's out there. Have noticed last couple of days that he is constantly standing on a high piece of stone and nosing at the neighbours in their garden and waving at them.

I can see this is really annoying. Not sure that DS at 4yrs will 'get' me explaining why it's not so polite. He's fine when occupied in a game, but he likes chatting to anyone (other than boring Mummy). At the moment I try to encourage him away from the fence but since I know they are in the garden and can hear everything I say to him I feel bad addressing it right there in the garden

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