Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you have an all day wedding you should have food before 9pm?

379 replies

Buffetblues · 05/05/2013 18:17

We've been invited to a wedding in August the invitation said that, despite the ceremony being at 1.30pm, there will be no food until the buffet at about 9pm?

AIBU to think that if you want to cut catering costs on your wedding day, you don't get married so early? It's seems really selfish to me to have an all day wedding with no food but I'd be quite happy if the service had been at say 4pm?

OP posts:
LimitedEditionLady · 05/05/2013 19:10

Well seems simple to me too-if you were her friend you would behave like that.you are going to end a friendship over that?

Original poster
Buffetblues · 05/05/2013 19:10

I know lady I've been to a similar wedding, but this just seems to be taking the piss, big wedding to get lots of presents but not making adequate arrangements for the guests.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 05/05/2013 19:10

And exactly what label do you imagine I have given you?!

DeskPlanner · 05/05/2013 19:11

I would be starving and would probably hide a small picnic in my hadbag and nibble discreatly.

LadySlatternlysHoover · 05/05/2013 19:11

That's the way it looks OP. It's trying to be something that it's not.

All fur coat and no knickers Grin

LimitedEditionLady · 05/05/2013 19:12

Lol tidydancer i was just saying seems like a shame that its this womans wedding and people are falling out over it!

nokidshere · 05/05/2013 19:13

Whilst I think it's quite bizarre I don't really know what your problem about eating is? I'd just stop off to eat somewhere between the wedding and the evening event. All the other guests will e doing the same if they have any sense.

Although really just cancel since you don't sound like you wan to be there anyway.

LimitedEditionLady · 05/05/2013 19:13

That i would piss people off purposely at my wedding!!

EduCated · 05/05/2013 19:13

Asking people to wear pink, getting people to have daft photos taken with ridiculous props, choosing dubious themes etc are all matters of personal taste to the bride and groom and whilst others might be a bit eye-rolly, then can like it or lump it.

Not feeding people for 9 hours (realistically more like 10 allowing time for people to travel) and without providing an opportunity to get food is downright rude.

expatinscotland · 05/05/2013 19:14

'I think that's what I'm going to do expat I just needed reassurance that I'm not wrong in thinking this is unreasonable. The upshot of us declining will be that we fall out but I'm no longer sure I want to be friends with people who think so little of their wedding guests and instead opt for the mememe approach.'

YANBU.

Original poster
Buffetblues · 05/05/2013 19:14

It is a shame limited but should we all just accept their selfish choices because it's 'their big day'? I don't think so, hence my thread, but I'm happy to listen to a convincing arguement to change my mind as it is a big decision.

OP posts:
BobblyGussets · 05/05/2013 19:15

They can They can have a dramatic shoestring wedding if they want its THEIR wedding, but guests are allowed to go for food if they are being held for hours without any proper hospitality.

BackforGood · 05/05/2013 19:15

If it's a friend you've known for so long, then surely there is the chance to ask her.... "Obviously we're going to need to eat between breakfast and 9pm - do you want guests to go off and get themselves something during the afternoon, or should we all be bringing picnics ?" would seem quite a reasonable conversation opener.

The only good side of this I can see, is that at least you've been warned in advance.

TidyDancer · 05/05/2013 19:16

Oh dear, I think you may need to go back and look at the post again. See the grin next to it. You have overreacted my love.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/05/2013 19:16

There's an etiquette to weddings and the bride and groom aren't following it. They should therefore not be surprised - or disappointed - to find that their 'guests' follow suit.

I wouldn't attend this wedding; I wouldn't mind the 'fast' as I don't eat lunch anyway but the people around me, understandably whining of hunger, would really irritate me.

Some people just don't know how to behave and have no idea of what it means to host an event and that, coupled with enormous expectations of presents, seems to cause such bad feeling.

Pehaps we should have an MN boycott of bad-mannered events?

LadySlatternlysHoover · 05/05/2013 19:16

Wedding guests should be treated as guests.

You wouldn't invite people to any other celebration and then neglect them so why would you do it for a wedding?

LimitedEditionLady · 05/05/2013 19:17

Ok fair enough tidy dancer no biggy to.me then

MortifiedAdams · 05/05/2013 19:17

I would ring them and (cheekily) ask if they can recommend any nice restaurants in that area as "we can't just not eat all day" and see what they say. Sounds bad.

I would go to the ceremony then go home or.off.out somewhere and just see them at the evening.

Nehru · 05/05/2013 19:17

They need food at 5

Sausagedog27 · 05/05/2013 19:18

If you decide to attend, I would make a point of mentioning to bride to be that you will be finding somewhere to eat in the afternoon and asking if she knows of anywhere nearby. When she questions it you could say that it's too long to go without food, can't see what will fill the time and politely say that you think others would be doing similar as well. Might make them reconsider? And if she does take offence then not to worry, as you don't like her!

mummydarkling · 05/05/2013 19:18

This happened to me a good few years ago and we did not find out until after the ceremony. To make matters worse close family etc got a meal but we were expected to come back for the evening. DH and I just went home.....

YoniOneWayOfLife · 05/05/2013 19:18

This brings back memories of my best friend's wedding where after a small breakfast, I didn't eat anything until the meal at 5pm (hair, make up with bridal party then travelling to ceremony) but in the meantime I'd consumed a fair whack of alcohol so therefore chucked up the long-awaited food shortly after [vom]

Startail · 05/05/2013 19:18

YANBU
But at least you have been warned to have Mars bars and a flask of coffee hidden in your car

Sausagedog27 · 05/05/2013 19:18

Cross posts with Mortified!

woopsidaisy · 05/05/2013 19:20

Irish weddings seem to be very different to British ones. Here it is quite normal to have a wedding at 1 and dinner at 9pm.
Goto wedding which finishes at 1pm-those who have been to weddings before will have eaten something before 1pm.
Have wedding. Perhaps some photos.
Everyone goes to nearest pub. Just for a couple of drinks. People often have sandwiches/sausages or something to eat now.
Go to reception venue.
Most weddings have nibbles-canapés etc. But not all, and it is taken as "if it is there grand, if not no worries". As I said, most people know to eat somewhere just in case-a wedding is a long day here!
Have dinner anywhere from 7pm-9pm. It has always been a sit down dinner at any wedding I have been too.
It is also very acceptable to have people to the "afters". This is in no way seen as a slight . It is usually people who couldn't come earlier, work colleagues or more friends etc.
Drink until the bar closes!

Well, as I say that is how it has been done at any wedding I have ever attended, on both sides if the border.

So I think YABU. Just get some food along the way!

Swipe left for the next trending thread