To think if you have an all day wedding you should have food before 9pm?

[Buffetblues]

We've been invited to a wedding in August the invitation said that, despite the ceremony being at 1.30pm, there will be no food until the buffet at about 9pm?

AIBU to think that if you want to cut catering costs on your wedding day, you don't get married so early? It's seems really selfish to me to have an all day wedding with no food but I'd be quite happy if the service had been at say 4pm?

[DeskPlanner]

Monkey, the wedding is at the end of August. It does sound brilliant.

[MonkeyingAroundTown]

Are you going to go to what sounds like the wedding of the year? When is it actually? Looking forward to hearing what they actually have planned to keep guests entertained for the afternoon. I would be intrigued to go for sheer morbid curiosity more than anything! pack some food and drink and just try spend the minimum possible you can so this crappiest day ,which you will never get back ,won't cost you too much.

[HorryIsUpduffed]

I don't think the OP would be as bothered if she didn't like the couple. In all her posts she is very concerned about what everyone else will think and how the couple will be viewed, treated and abandoned by other people. She has tried to drop hints, but the bride is impervious. I get a very strong sense that she doesn't want the couple to make a mistake that will have long lasting consequences.

Any single thing (eg having expensive bridal underwear instead of welcome drinks, having a reception at an inconvenient distance from the ceremony, asking for cash, having the ceremony at an awkward time) isn't enough to put you off a wedding, but deliberately choosing all of them with apparently no mitigating brilliance ("the food was late but there was so much and it was so good I thought DH would have to roll me home") is asking a lot of people who, as expat so succinctly says, don't really care that you're getting married.

[snuffaluffagus]

The worst wedding I have been to was when we were afternoon/evening guests (they only had immediate family and a few friends at the tiny church and then for lunch). The majority of guests arrived at about 3. There was one glass of champagne during the speeches (which we all had to stand for) and then a pay bar, and a buffet at about 8 or 9, but by that time the main wedding guests were also hungry again so by the time we got to the buffet there was nothing left. Everyone was STARVING and there was nowhere to sit.

[FreedomOfTheTess]

Wow. YANBU.

For me, it isn't so much the food issue (easy to take a few sandwiches along or whatever), it's the fact you're meant to entertain yourselves for four hours until the reception starts. What an effing cheek!

[flowery]

"The OP doesn't like her because she's pisstaking cheapskate who charged people to attend a 30th birthday party on top of years of other pisstaking cheapskate behaviour."

That's absolutely fair enough, and reason not to be friends with her and not to go to the wedding anyway.

[noblegiraffe]

When are the speeches going to be? Surely you won't have to sit through them on an empty stomach?

[Binkybix]

I can't believe people invite guests to the ceremony but exclude them from the meal afterwards. Does this really happen?!

[Buffetblues]

Illustration have have said previously they just said they didn't need houeshold items so they would like cash.

It's not the asking for cash as such that annoyed me, it was the fact that it was in an invitation which basically said feed yourself before the ceremony as we're not forking out for an afternoon meal but we want you to give us cash for allowing you to be part of our big day. It's like the guests are essentially funding the wedding by giving them cash.

As expat so eloquently put it, no-one else really gives a fuck about their big day. IMO a guest's wedding gift should reflect the amount of effort the couple have gone to to ensure the guests enjoy the day. I mean it is a Saturday at the end of the school holidays- lots of people have plenty of other things they could be doing.

Anyway- as midnite said- I'm letting this get to me far too much! Practically everyone on this thread has agreed that they are out of order so I know those who do attend the wedding will see how selfish and tight the couple have been.

[Illustrationaddict]

How did they word their cash request? Is it really worse than sending a gift list? So many couples live together before they marry that they have everything they need, and before I get slated by people saying why do they need more? Well obviously they don't, but you get asked by so many people what you'd like, it is easiest to say money so you can put it towards something bigger. Is it really any different asking for cutlery to asking for the money you would have put towards the cutlery?

[PseudoBadger]

Or how about giving them a nice cutlery set? :o

[GreenLeafTea]

Don't go just send them a card with no cash in it and imagine the looks on their faces when they open it.

When I got married, I didn't give a damn about presents or cash I just wanted to have a really fun, relaxed day with close family and friends.

Straight after the ceremony we had a garden party with huge homemade buffet and loads of booze. Then dancing in the village hall at night with curry and cake. It was so much fun and didn't cost much money at all. No dress code. Oh, and kids were more than welcome!

[DeskPlanner]

Almost 400 post and expat has come in and summed up the entire thread in one go.

[RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief]

I agree they're being twats BUT there is nothing to stop anyone getting some food / going shopping/ watching half of Homeland , between leaving the church and arriving at the reception. I would go home and come back at 7pm if I lived locally

The longest drinks reception I've ever experienced at a wedding was 2.5 hrs (free flowing champagne and plenty of canopes and I knew tonnes of people). It was still about half an hour too long. I know most planners receommend 60-90 mins between arrival at reception and going in for the meal.

[MonkeyingAroundTown]

If I were you , rather than give them cash, I would buy them the shittiest present ever for about a fiver. A tacky ornament or photo frame. Something you know they would hate. And say something like you know they asked for money but thought it would be nice for them to have something to keep to remind them of their special day!!

[MidniteScribbler]

Look, I think they sound like absolute arseholes with no idea about how to look after guests, but you really need to chill out. This isn't even your wedding, and you're acting like a complete obsessive about it. No amount of moaning or complaining will make them see that they are idiots, so you need to get over it. Either go, and stop for food on the way (there's an hours drive, which is plenty of time to do the maccas drive through window, or take some sandwiches and it won't even delay your journey by more than a minute or two) and then laugh about it for years afterwards, or just don't go. You're going to make yourself absolutely miserable over something that is not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. Is it really going to be the very worst day of your life if you only get a happy meal or some sandwiches for afternoon tea and eat your dinner a bit later?

[StoicButStressed]

but - obv. NOT 'nut'

Doh....

[StoicButStressed]

Soooooooooooooooo bad, nut nada if not honest

Love expat so much that may have to add her to the thread of 'who would turn you?'

Mine were: Jillian Michaels and Pink.

Alarmingly for Expat may now have to add another

[ChocsAwayInMyGob]

Agree.

It's as if they are saying "it's such a privilege to be invited, that you won't mind being starved for 9 hours or bringing a picnic to save us paying for a day reception. You'll be so flattered to be invited that you won't mind the hypos, faintness, discomfort and drunkenness. Oh and we want cash please."

[Buffetblues]

I think I love expat!

Totally summed up my thoughts- no one else really gives a shit about your wedding day so you should try and make everyone elses experience of your wedding as memorable (for the right reasons) as possible and not have this arrogant attitude that your wedding even registers on anyone else's radar.

[ChocsAwayInMyGob]

expat tells it like it is.
Well put!

[Floggingmolly]

no one really gives a fuck that you're getting married
Couldn't have said it better myself, expat

[expatinscotland]

The OP doesn't like her because she's pisstaking cheapskate who charged people to attend a 30th birthday party on top of years of other pisstaking cheapskate behaviour.

I really don't get why you'd bother staying friends with someone like this, BB. Life is too short.

As for the whole, feed yourself, what's wrong with saying, 'Nah, I think that's rude. I'm going to pass on this invite'?

This whole 'it's their special day' is bollocks. Let's face it, other than immediate family and very close friends, no one really gives a fuck that you're getting married.

[flowery]

"I don't think disapproving of someone's bonkers wedding arrangements is reason enough to decline on it's own if you would otherwise go
Otherwise being if the arrangements weren't bonkers, I presume?
I can't really follow that logic... "

Um. I'll try and explain the logic more clearly.

Weddings are important occasions to the couple. Many people put up with all sorts of inconveniences, go to all sorts of expense and trouble, in order to attend the weddings of family friends and loved ones. Because if its someone you care about and you possibly can, that's just what you do.

Therefore, if the relationship the guest has with the bride/groom is such that they would ordinarily make the effort to go to the wedding, disapproving of the wedding arrangement/a minor inconvenience like having to get own food in between service and reception should not in itself be enough to justify refusing to go altogether. Especially in circumstances where the guest thinks as the OP does, that it will mean the end of the friendship.