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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Football match or family holiday??

254 replies

helsbels03 · 05/05/2013 08:28

AIBU - dh's football team just got into the play offs to move into the premiership. If they get through the semi 's then the final will be the day after we go on holiday to Tunisia. He has just asked I would mind if he flew out 2 days later as he wants to see his team at wembly. I am vv annoyed and upset he would rather watch football than go on holiday with us, we are only going for a week so he would be leaving me 3 young dc and my elderly mum for almost half of the holiday. Please give me some perspective on this- am I over reacting?

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 06/05/2013 14:21

ha, no worries

there's always next year!

please beat spurs for us on wednesday though Grin

AllFallDown · 06/05/2013 14:35

I'm a football fan, and a parent of two children. My son and I have season tickets at a club. We go to six or seven away games a season together, normally in a group of five or six adults, plus my son.

What he understands, and what the people who think football is just a game don't - as there's no reason they should - is that in many ways, the actual game is the least important part of a big trip like this. It's not about drinking either, or about having a day out with your mates. It's about a feeling that you hardly ever get in life: being part of something much bigger than yourself, about feeling part of a community that is united - whatever the differences between the individuals - in something. You don't get that at home games; you get it away games; you get in spades at something like a trip to Wembley. It's a feeling it's impossible to describe to those who've never experienced it: it's all encompassing and exhilarating and on a good day leaves you feeling wonderful for days.

At which point someone will doubtless ask how wretched my life is that I have to get emotional sustenance from football. My life isn't wretched. I'm happy. But I get something from the experience of football that I not only don't get anywhere else, but which I couldn't get anywhere else.

As for the actual OP ? I dunno. I'd probably go on the holiday. But I would feel utterly miserable about missing Wembley if it were my team.

PS Football fans more than anyone else have strong feelings about the overpaid showers of shit that are players. We don't go to support the players; we go to support the club ? of which the most important element is our fellow supporters.

outtolunchagain · 06/05/2013 14:36

All those people saying that there will be other holidays that's not always the case ,a close friend of mine thought this last year ,this year she's not hereSad

It's a straight choice surely either the sister goes or the dh that's why it has to be all or nothing ,because the sister is taking the dh"s place.The OP is clear that actually they don't get much quality time as a family therefore holidays are important.I have to admit I am baffled by people wanting to go to a football match rather than a holiday with family,presumably the fellow football fans will be looking after the dh in his old age or supporting them at tough times.I also can't believe the people here who are saying they would rather look back on a football match in their old age than spending precious time with their children .

Maybe I am just sensitive about this at the moment but this past month has taught me that you never know what is around the corner and time spent with those who love and care for you is precious in the extreme

Goldmandra · 06/05/2013 14:48

It's a feeling it's impossible to describe to those who've never experienced it: it's all encompassing and exhilarating and on a good day leaves you feeling wonderful for days.

If there are people who can only get that feeling from a football match fair enough, although I think that says more about the rest of their lives than it does about football. Football fans don't have copyright on excitement and exhilaration.

It still doesn't justify placing your own desire to see someone playing football in a particular place over the fact that you've made an important commitment to someone else. It also doesn't justify railroading the feelings and needs of others because a certain team of footballers didn't get a ball into a net enough times to keep you happy.

Geezer · 06/05/2013 14:57

outtolunch, I'm very, very sorry for your recent loss.

I learned only yesterday of the death of a very dear friend of mine. She was only 59. As I sat thinking of her, of all the fun we'd had, of the important things I'd learned from her one comment stood out.

"Do it. You're a long time dead".

That's how I would feel, I would go out there and experience that highly unlikely to be repeated day at Wembley, knowing that unless something very unusual happened 48 hours delay in being on holiday is nothing in the big scheme of things. Nonetheless, I think I understand why you take the opposite view.

Geezer · 06/05/2013 14:58

dreamingbohemian, you bet we will! Grin A certain gentleman has a record to beat, and what better place than WHL? Grin

AllFallDown · 06/05/2013 15:02

Goldmandra - you're completely missing the point of what I said. And I also ended by saying I'd probably go on the holiday.

outtolunchagain · 06/05/2013 15:05

I think that's fine Goldmandra I honestly do,it's just that decision isn't it.If after thinking this could be the last chance I have to holiday with the children OR the last chance to go to Wembley you would choose Wembley then that's fine ,I suppose I have just had a reminder in living life to the full .

My friend's small children will never get another family holiday with their mum,and I know you can't live your life all the time in the shadow of what might happen.But just at the moment I can't think why any parent would want to sacrifice those precious few days of the year that you get with no work or other distractions to spend with their children to watch a game ,but like you say I'm not a football fan .

outtolunchagain · 06/05/2013 15:07

Oh sorry it was Geezer not Goldmandra Blush sorry

Longdistance · 06/05/2013 15:11

Maybe the op can leave 2 days early and book in for a spa for a few days..........I doubt he'll agree to it Hmm

Geezer · 06/05/2013 15:14

No apology needed at all, Goldmandra, I guessed who you meant. Smile Flowers

(But for those who are still in any doubt, I'm Geezer, the one with the tits, skirt and heeled court shoes). Wink Grin

Geezer · 06/05/2013 15:17

Longdistance, why on earth should the OP's husband not agree to the OP leaving the holiday a couple of days early and booking into a spa? Where does the OP say that her husband has stated that he wouldn't let her do this be ok with this?

Why are you assuming that he wouldn't? Do you know something the rest of us don't?

whatamardarse · 06/05/2013 15:19

Either way if you have tits or a cock, ur still very selfish! Yes it probably would be better if they were on a lower wage, they are not gods just humans kicking a ball. Not as if they are saving life's or educating people.

It's self indulgent .

Bowlersarm · 06/05/2013 15:21

What's self indulgent?

AllFallDown · 06/05/2013 15:23

whatamardarse - Who called footballers gods? And why does it matter that they don't save lives? Football brings a great many people a great deal of pleasure ? why does that upset so many people so much?

Geezer · 06/05/2013 15:43

Ah, so having made a huge and incorrect assumption and having decided that my man is unhappy, I wear the pants and that you know more about my life and our lifestyle than I do and that I don't give two hoots about him, and having been made to look rather silly for those assumptions you're now reduced to deciding, on the strength of the fact that my (male) other half supports my decisions rather than tries not to "let" me do things, that I'm selfish, whatamadarse?

Yes, that makes perfect sense. Hmm

I guess he really thinks I'm selfish. You can tell that by the fact that he's offered to pay for my forthcoming football trip - with an income which comes from working in an industry which entertains people. Maybe he shouldn't earn so much money either, as he's not out there curing the sick or lecturing at Oxbridge. Hmm

Geezer · 06/05/2013 15:44

(Correction - having decided that I'm a man, my man is a woman and that he's unhappy, I wear the pants and I don't care about him).

Maaaan, I wish that there was an edit button on MN!

dreamingbohemian · 06/05/2013 15:56

geezer and outtolunch I'm very sorry for your losses.

I also lost a friend earlier this year and have been thinking a lot about what's important in life.

I think the key thing is embrace the things that make you happy, for some it will be a family holiday, for some it will be a football match.

The problem in this scenario is that the OP and her DH are not on the same page -- they would make different choices. So either way, one of them is not going to be happy. In which case, I think it's kind of fair to go with whatever plans were made first. To you, it's just a holiday maybe, but it seems that to the OP it is just as important as football is to her husband, and that's completely fair.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 06/05/2013 16:01

Exactly bohemian, the key point here is that the holiday is already booked.

If there were a scenario where they hadn't already booked the holiday and the OP was annoyed that he valued football more than the possibility of the holiday, then that would be a completely different matter.

In this specific case the holiday has been booked, deposits have been paid. Most package holidays I am aware of are non refundable.

DH and I also have our own weekends away focused on doing what we want and enjoying our own hobbies. I did not mention them earlier in the thread as they are irrelevant as they do not pertain to the circumstances mentioned by the OP.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 06/05/2013 16:02

Whoops I meant to bold that irrelevant not strike it out - you're not the only one needing an edit button geezer !

Geezer · 06/05/2013 16:07

Yes, but I sometimes need one in real life too, theoriginal. Grin

dreamingbohemian, my sympathies go out to you in your loss too.

dreamingbohemian · 06/05/2013 16:11

Thanks Geezer. It's really shit, isn't it. (inarticulate understatement of the year)

whatamardarse · 06/05/2013 16:12

The choice of whole holiday in Tunisia or couple of hours at Wembley? No contest. See you when you get back.

Would I go and miss the anniversary in your example? You bet your life I would.

My absence may well cost us financially and be knackering for my other half but I'm sure that, in the forthcoming months, the tables will be turned

There is actually a lot more I could high light but can't be bothered.

Me me me me me ...... I find you extremely selfish. The fact that you got so much glee and amusement about me thinking you was a man shows that you are indeed quite immature Hmm . It's probably the reason you put a watching a sport before your family. Lucky them!

Geezer · 06/05/2013 16:18

Indeed, dreamingbohemian, indeed. Sad

whatamadarse, you've added to the hugely incorrect assumption you made by following it up with insult when the assumption was pointed out to you. Now you're embarrassing yourself even more by making a further personal attack.

Would you like a spade for that hole you're digging?

Panzee · 06/05/2013 16:21

It's a play off final. It's important. These days they are more exciting than the FA Cup. I would be encouraging him to go. You did ask. :o