Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Football match or family holiday??

254 replies

helsbels03 · 05/05/2013 08:28

AIBU - dh's football team just got into the play offs to move into the premiership. If they get through the semi 's then the final will be the day after we go on holiday to Tunisia. He has just asked I would mind if he flew out 2 days later as he wants to see his team at wembly. I am vv annoyed and upset he would rather watch football than go on holiday with us, we are only going for a week so he would be leaving me 3 young dc and my elderly mum for almost half of the holiday. Please give me some perspective on this- am I over reacting?

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 05/05/2013 09:04

In what universe is a bunch of strangers running around a field more important?

laughing<

Bill Shankley - Football isn't a matter of life or death, it's much more important than that!

StuntGirl · 05/05/2013 09:04

He is BVU. I'd tell him the holiday is booked and paid for and you don't want to be left alone with the kids for half it, you appreciate the timing sucks but it just isn't going to work.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 05/05/2013 09:05

Oh for goodness sake, the OP has said she has 3 young children and an Elderly Mother. Even physically getting them into the transfer coach will be a challenge.
Do people really think that it's going to be in anyway enjoyable trying to make sure that 3 small children manage not to drown in the hotel pool singlehandedly whilst trying to make sure an old lady doesn't overheat and has a good holiday?

ssd · 05/05/2013 09:06

I guess this comes from the perspective of me having a football mad family

if they wanted to go I'd say fine, be a bit annoyed probably but see it as just part of life

NorksAreMessy · 05/05/2013 09:07

Another vote for taking your sister...much more fun and she can spend time with your DMum as well.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 05/05/2013 09:07

Agree with Rosa - he has shown you what his priorities are, get your sister on the booking that way you aren't dependant on his whims.

Also I can imagine what he'll be like if they get there and lose all Sad and feeling sorry for himself after leaving you to cope on your own for 3 days (which it will be by the time he gets there), plus ridiculously expensive to go for half a week as presumably no charter flights.

ShellyBoobs · 05/05/2013 09:10

If he's a proper fan - season ticket holder, away matches etc - it won't be forgotten if you don't let him go to Wembley. Your choice, but he won't see it your way.

I agree with Russians on this. It's hard to understand to non-supporters but it's a massive thing for a true fan. I'm not saying OP should be happy with it but it's possibly a bigger thing to her DH than she realises.

Are you serious, MortifiedAdams ? If he was a player you would think OP was only a little unreasonable to want to stop him playing in the biggest national league game in the world? It's worth over £100m to the winning club.

Shock
TravelinColour · 05/05/2013 09:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chesntoots · 05/05/2013 09:11

Another vote for taking your sister and leaving the selfish twat at home.
So glad I have never gone out with someone interested in football.

ssd · 05/05/2013 09:13

really op, it will come down to what your dh wants

my dh is completely football mad, when the dc's were young he had the chance of a dream one in a million ticket to see his team in the champions league final abroad, everyone he knew was desperate to get a ticket

..he gave his up as he knew the cost of him flying there would have been the same as the cost of the weeks holiday we had in a caravan that year

but it was his choice, I would have let him go but he choose to put us first....you'll have to hope your dh does similiar

ssd · 05/05/2013 09:15

chesntoots, theres worse things in the world than brilliant husbands and dads who love football, I should know I have one

DowntonTrout · 05/05/2013 09:16

Sorry. My DH has form for this kind of thing. He has flown back early because he has tickets for Lords, come out late because of a golf a golf thing and even flown home for a couple of days in the middle, then flown back.

It bothered me at first. I never said no, sport is his thing. Sometimes I have been cross for about 5 minutes, but really it makes little difference to be honest. However, my DCs are not little anymore, we have lots of holidays and most years I spend 4 or 5 weeks in the summer abroad, with him flying back and forth for business, so I'm used to it. If it is your one holiday a year I can see why it's a big deal.

It may not happen anyway if they don't get through the first round, but if it's his once in a lifetime (maybe?) chance to see his team play at Wembly-,well that's quite a big deal if his a big fan. You have to weigh up who would be more resentful over it- him missing the game or him missing part of the holiday. Also can you afford the extra flight to get him out, plus if you are on a package holiday you need to check that the return flight is still valid if he does not use the outward portion.

RedHelenB · 05/05/2013 09:21

I'm with him - glad i saw my team at Wembley & probably won't do again. Holidays happen way more often!

Coconutty · 05/05/2013 09:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 05/05/2013 09:24

But SSD whilst it would have been expensive for your DH to go, it wasn't at the expense of a family holiday that has already been booked.

OP has not said she resents the expense, it is the fact that he is prioritising football over an already organised family event that is the problem.

If England were to get into the World Cup Finals Hmm I would understand why DH wanted to go and I would understand that some of the family budget would need to support that, but I would think less of him if he decided that he could not attend half of a family holiday as a result. I would consider him a fool if he came up with some half arsed nonsense about flying in half way as presumably he hasn't even checked if that is possible or how much it would cost.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 05/05/2013 09:25

Coconutty it is usually impossible to change dates of holidays once they are booked.

Buzzardbird · 05/05/2013 09:28

Look on the bright side, that is one less football shirt for people to endure in Tunisia!

FarBetterNow · 05/05/2013 09:30

My DB was football mad. His DW & DCs always came second.
He missed most of her familly's weddings to go to the match.

Take your sister.

Give him a list of decorating to do whilst you are away.

Geezer · 05/05/2013 09:31

"Compromise, google, find a bar locally that has sky and he can watch the match there"

There speaks a person who isn't a serious football fan. There's no comparison between watching the match on TV (especially not in the team's locality) and being at Wembley, none at all.

There's far, far to much talk of "letting" him go. Let him? Hmm Since when did adults have to get permission to go anywhere? I'd love to see the reaction if a woman posted her about her husband "letting" her go somewhere!

I'm very biased as a football fan myself so obviously I'm going to say that if Leicester get to Wembley it'll be a chance of a lifetime and in his shoes wild horses wouldn't stop me from going. I certainly wouldn't be asking or waiting for someone to "let" me go. I'm also a good enough fan to know that the chances of Leicester making it are slim. Grin

Far more importantly I'm of a sufficiently independent spirit to think that if he wants to go he should and that it's not beyond the wit of the average able bodied person to travel and be alone on holiday for a couple of days with three young children and an elderly lady - or for that person to keep in mind that she will have a favour up her sleeve that she can call in when she wants to go somewhere.

But, helsbels03, few on here will see it like that, not because I've said anything outrageous but because here on MN there's a groundswell of posters of a certain type who feel it's their duty to look down on anything to do with football and regard it with disdain and the fans and players as if they're thugs and Neanderthals with a collective IQ of 5, which says more about those individuals than it does about the sport or the majority of its fans. Wink

Coconutty · 05/05/2013 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yonionekanobe · 05/05/2013 09:35

DH is a huge fan if his football club, season ticket holder, travels to mist away games and also quite involved in the running if the club as FIL is on the board. BUT he wouldn't do this in a million years. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. If you can transfer the ticket to your sister is go for it and have a ball!

notapizzaeater · 05/05/2013 09:40

Personally I'd let be pushing for him to go - can you imagine how he'd be if he didn't. Do you really want to be on holiday with 3 kids, mum and a sulking husband.

This way win or loose he should be over it ready to have a good holiday.

It's not just the holiday he'd resent - all his friends talking about it for years etc ....

fanoftheinvisibleman · 05/05/2013 09:40

Hmm tricky one for me as we are football mad in this house. If we could afford it I would let him go.

Dh managed to get hold of tickets for the fa cup semis this year for ds and himself. We didn't think we had a prayer of final tickets. But Wigan haven't sold all theirs and the supporters club offered him some. He sheepishly came to me with a pained 'what do I do? Two wembley trips will cost more than our holiday'

I told him to go for it. Ds is 7 and this stuff is what 7 (and 41!) year old dreams are made of in a supporters household.

But you are talking someone who handed over every penny she had in the world (£125 Grin) in Maine road car park un 1999 to get to the division 2 play off final. And it is still one of the best days of my life!

theoriginalandbestrookie · 05/05/2013 09:43

Sorry coconutty I stand corrected. That sounds like a good option then. Mind you if I was the OP I think I'd rather go with the sister now.

Geezer I have nothing against football. I don't think it's football that's the problem. I'm sure people would have the same reaction if it was cricket or tennis. It's the prioritisation of a game over the family.

I am perfectly capable of looking after DS on my own, but I would be bitterly disappointed in DH if he chose to go to a football match rather than with his family as the chances are there isn't going to be a time when I'd rather be off doing something else rather than being with my family.

In fact I have an example, my nephew is getting married in New York in October. I would love to go and catch up with my extended family. However it coincides with half term and we always go away somewhere warm. Therefore I have decided not to go to the wedding although technically I could just about do it and then get a flight a few days later to our holiday.

Not quite the same as a "once in a lifetime" football match but still people put their family spending time together above things all the time.

waltermittymissus · 05/05/2013 09:53

Fucking ridiculous.

Unless he's playing in the match he is being totally U!