Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Football match or family holiday??

254 replies

helsbels03 · 05/05/2013 08:28

AIBU - dh's football team just got into the play offs to move into the premiership. If they get through the semi 's then the final will be the day after we go on holiday to Tunisia. He has just asked I would mind if he flew out 2 days later as he wants to see his team at wembly. I am vv annoyed and upset he would rather watch football than go on holiday with us, we are only going for a week so he would be leaving me 3 young dc and my elderly mum for almost half of the holiday. Please give me some perspective on this- am I over reacting?

OP posts:
2712 · 05/05/2013 23:34

Well maybe he should rethink his priorities. I always thought my family were more important than sport, but hey ho.

Bowlersarm · 05/05/2013 23:37

Well as you can see from comments on this thread, if you have bothered to read it, many people think that sport is important too.

2712 · 05/05/2013 23:38

But is it more important than family?
That's what I mean about priorities.

level3at6months · 05/05/2013 23:47

Well I think he should go to the match. Sorry, but I would.

ilovesooty · 05/05/2013 23:52

Will his children be permanently scarred if he goes to the match? I doubt it.

Is this more important to the OP than to the children? Probably, because to her it's "just a game".

Will there be other holidays? Yes.

Will he have the (probably slim chance) of seeing Leicester clinch promotion to the Premiership again? Probably not.

Can her sister go instead? In all probability yes.

2712 · 05/05/2013 23:55

Well I remember when my DH took me to Rome on my 40th.
It transpired that it was at the same time as the world cup and DH spent all his time at the airport watching the match on TV. England lost so he spent the whole weekend in a shit mood just because of a poxy game.
Ruined my birthday and it still bugs me now.
like I said, Its only a game, not real life.

SparkyDudess · 05/05/2013 23:55

Insane. I live with two massive football fans, to the extent that for 2 years running season tickets were bought instead of a family holiday (I weighed up total enjoyment, and an afternoon together each weekend for ds and dh plus the time I got to myself outweighed 10 days away together for those 2 years.

That said, I would be very unimpressed if dh wanted to go to a footy match when we already had a holiday booked. I've no problem with them finding somewhere to watch a key match if we're away, but sending me off while he skips off to wembley, and missing half the holiday? Certainly not, that's taking obsession far too far.

All this garbage about passion is a nonsense - it's not more important than real life, and if it is then some growing up is required.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii · 06/05/2013 00:01

To answer your question YABU and melodramatic to be upset that he 'would rather watch the football than go on holiday with his family'. He proposed doing BOTH. He would still go on holiday with his family, he would just join you a couple of days late. Surely, that isn't so bad.

Can your sister come for the whole time and your DH join you after the game?

What are your reasons for not wanting him to come if he watches the game? Is it financial, practical (your sister will be in his bed Smile or is it because you want to 'punish' him. Sorry if you have already explained but I couldn't see it.

hopipolla · 06/05/2013 00:09

YABVU Football is much more important than any holiday will ever be

Darkesteyes · 06/05/2013 00:11

2712 he did that on your 40th?! How mind bogglingly selfish.

DrCoconut · 06/05/2013 00:31

I have no time at all for football and the way it dominates people's lives. Fair enough, some people like it and thats up to them but the totally OTT mania that is often attached to it is crazy. DH's workplace closed for a day at short notice during the world cup and he lost a days pay because he had all his holidays booked for family activities. I really think they should have budgeted for paying staff if they were going to close for such a silly reason. And if they couldn't do that then let those interested book holiday for it on a first come first served basis as DH has to to indulge our interests. I'm so glad that he is not interested in sport of any form.

whatamardarse · 06/05/2013 00:35
Confused And here we go with the boys will be boys comments ... Or you will probably enjoy the time he is not there nudge nudge wink wink .

I'd tell him to get a grip! If he can not make it to precious family time away with the rest of the family not to bother coming at all!

My DH has a season ticket and is obsessed with his team, but family time away is far more important to him that wasting two days to watch a match he can watch on holiday. Every time we go away there seems to be an important match which ends up in him hunting bars down when we're away, getting up at 4 in the morning ect...

Ridiculous.

ShellyBoobs · 06/05/2013 00:36

I'm so glad that he is not interested in sport of any form.

What a bizarre thing about which to be 'so glad'.

StuntGirl · 06/05/2013 00:40

I suspect the subtext is "I'm so glad he's not obsessive over a hobby to the point of putting it before the family".

I would feel the same about any hobby that had that effect.

whatamardarse · 06/05/2013 00:50

Genuinely an eye opener that so many women put there DH obsession for grown men kicking a ball around before them selfs or that their DH find it Acceptable and actually do that ??!!

BUT saying that my friend is obsessed with cycling, spends all his holidays cycling for charity, touring ect his poor baby dc and dp go away on their own Sad

I just find it really bizarre that any one would put a hobby before there family. It's just selfishness .

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii · 06/05/2013 01:45

I have no problem with my DH's love of sport. He enjoys it and gets an immense amount of pleasure from it. I love the fact it makes him happy and I encourage him. He does the same for me with things i like to do. We are in a partnership where we genuinely want each other to be happy. If I give a little it is not because I am a doormat it is because I love him. .I know he really appreciates the times our whole family have happily gone along with him on sports related trips. (Lions Tours anyone Grin )

We have been married nearly thirty years. This way of doing things works for us. We don't argue about this type of thing and neither of us resents the other.

Other posters are talking about sport as though it is another woman Confused.

Does anyone actually think the OP's DH prioritises football over his family ??? Isn't it just that he would like to see this one match.

If the OP ends up insisting her DH skips the match it would be best if his team lost terribly.

Remotecontrolduck · 06/05/2013 02:50

Jesus Christ, YANBU

Family and holiday first, obsession WITH A GAME second!

As you can tell, not a football fan.....

Inertia · 06/05/2013 07:13

I think Yanbu . Ok, so you booked the holiday - but if he was really that bothered about the football he would have asked you in advance to avoid those dates. It's about more than the football - it's about him avoiding responsibility, and avoiding his commitments to his family.

Him travelling out 2 days later would not be an acceptable solution to me. The journey with 3 children and an elderly mother will not be a picnic . I would give him the choice - he either comes or doesn't, and if he chooses the football above the family holiday then swap his place for your sister.

(And BTW I watch football, I used to travel to watch my team - but then we had children, and football dropped way down the list of priorities.)

aderynlas · 06/05/2013 07:16

Just want to say Im so happy that we are not going to wembley, been there so often with our team it was becoming like a second home. Promised myself I wouldnt go back this year and am over the moon that we now dont need to. We are up without the dreaded play offs, infact we are up as champions Grin. Good luck to your dh s team and to Watford, Palace and Brighton. Must add that if we had been in the play offs i would have been there no matter how many times id swore never to go back.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 06/05/2013 08:09

This is a bit like the other thread where the OP was wondering if it was reasonable for her P to book a stag do costing £1500 that they couldn't afford when she was pregnant.

Usual slew of posters going oh I can't understand these people who don't have separate interests I love my DH going away it's so relaxing.

It's a different matter to support your DH's interests when they don't directly contradict those of you and your family.

Has anyone tried going on holiday alone for three days with a 2,4 & 6 year old with an elderly mother? If not can they imagine that it would be in any way enjoyable? I'd be ok with DH not coming out for 2 days, although I wouldn't be in any way happy, but that's because we have one 7 year old and it's an entirely different matter as I know I would be able to look after him safely.

Do people actually know how package holidays work? As in the OP booked it a year ahead to get what they presumably decided upon at a reasonable price because it is half term ( oh and btw I'm not sure on what planet booking holidays on the only dates you can make due to your job could be viewed as controlling). The chances of adding an extra bed half way through are slim I would think and there would be an additional cost for the extra flight home. In any case why is the OP the one who should be investigating all this, her DH is the one with the clash, I don't see any posters at all saying that he is the one who should be sorting it out.

iiiiii - I do believe the DH is prioritising football over his family, of course he is. If they hadn't already booked the trip then I'm sure she would send him off with her blessing and her family would miss out on their trip abroad, these things happen. But its already booked. There is no parallel universe where they can go back in time and unbook it and not lose money.

The solution the OP is fair, not controlling, but fair. Her sister goes instead, if I was the OPs DH I would be delighted with that, he gets to go to the game and his wife is reasonably happy and they don't have to spend a fortune on extra flights for him oh and his children aren't put in danger by having one adult trying to look after 3 of them.

Haven't discussed this thread with DH - have a horrible feeling his views may not coincide with my own Grin

dreamingbohemian · 06/05/2013 08:58

I think the OP makes a good point in saying that the whole point of a family holiday is to get away from all the usual distractions and business that is daily life, with people always having other activities and interests, and just to take some time to focus on the family and enjoy each other's company.

Missing half the holiday to see a match defeats the whole purpose of that.

racmun · 06/05/2013 09:03

When I first red the post I thought he was a player and I kind of thought well its his 'job' then I realised he's a supporter!!!

I'd be livid. I'm sure the wags of the players he'll be watching wouldn't have their family holiday ruined so their husband could watch your dh play.

I'd be inclined to say if he'a not prepared to do the whole holiday you'll cancel the whole thing and he can explain to his children that watching a football match was more important than going on holiday with them.

I think he is being very unreasonable expecting you to go on your own.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii · 06/05/2013 10:27

Itwould be interesting to know when the OP would fly out and the very earliest the OP's DH could fly. Is is possible that he could fly out after the match? Then he may only be a day late Confused

Also, is the OP's elderly Mum not able to help at all?

Goldmandra · 06/05/2013 10:42

I just find it really bizarre that any one would put a hobby before there family. It's just selfishness

At least that bloke is actually participating in the hobby and making plans in advance.

We can probably assume that the OP's DH doesn't even know know the guys playing these games of football.

He's not participating in this hobby. He's just watching it and getting all excited because this bunch of strangers are playing the game on one rectangle of turf instead of another.

I'm all for people playing sports, having hobbies they enjoy and having 'me' time. The thing is that common sense and reason seem to go out of the window once people are watching a bunch of strangers wearing matching shirts and allying themselves with a town the probably have nothing to do with.

Bizarre doesn't come close. Mass hysteria maybe? Will he claim to be suicidal for the next fortnight if they lose too?

aderynlas · 06/05/2013 11:25

The thing is Goldmantra, if you dont go to football matches then its difficult to understand the emotions involved. We have followed our local team home and as many aways as weve been able to, for many years. We have come from the lower divisions with one man a dog and us watching, to just gaining promotion to the prem. I think this allows the getting all excited to be fair.Smile