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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Football match or family holiday??

254 replies

helsbels03 · 05/05/2013 08:28

AIBU - dh's football team just got into the play offs to move into the premiership. If they get through the semi 's then the final will be the day after we go on holiday to Tunisia. He has just asked I would mind if he flew out 2 days later as he wants to see his team at wembly. I am vv annoyed and upset he would rather watch football than go on holiday with us, we are only going for a week so he would be leaving me 3 young dc and my elderly mum for almost half of the holiday. Please give me some perspective on this- am I over reacting?

OP posts:
PorkPieandPickle · 05/05/2013 16:39

to people who aren't football fans its not a big deal, its only a game. to people who are football fans its a massive deal, and possibly a once in a lifetime moment.

if it was my team or DH's team in the play off finals, we would be going. together; even though we support opposing clubs, because we support each others passions.

however, we're season ticket holders, and would plan for such an eventuality. i have to agree with natwebb79- if he's passionate enough about his team to want to go to Wembley if they reach the final, he should have been thinking about then when booking a holiday. we wouldn't book a holiday for this time of year for that very reason!

his lack of foresight would suggest he's not really that passionate about the team...

dreamingbohemian · 05/05/2013 17:17

Real football fans do indeed watch it on the telly when tickets are £65 a pop

Original poster
helsbels03 · 05/05/2013 18:20

Wow so many responses! He didn't book thd holiday, I did, we are limited up school Hol dates as I am a teacher and 2 dc at school so flexibility / moving Hol is not an option. To me football is a game, my family are real life children who need a week with their parents focusing on enjoying ourselves together. We all lead busy life's and someone is always doing something after school/ weekends etc. I have read all posts and my decision stands- he chooses before the final, comes for the dhole week or not. It will be fine, but NOT forgotten.

OP posts:
fuzzpig · 05/05/2013 18:35

Indeed, dreaming, dh has been a supporter of his team for most of his 45yrs, but he never once saw them play until this year (as his son got a good deal on tickets through a mate and treated him as a birthday gift) because it is fecking expensive!

DH is sports mad, he would love to see his team in a final, or to have gone to the olympics and wimbledon etc, but it is just too much money especially when you factor in travel. Watching it on telly, or sitting in a sports pub with his son, is good enough for him, because it has to be

StuntGirl · 05/05/2013 18:45

"stuntgirl real football fans don't watch it on the telly. (Unless there is no alternative)."

I suspect given ticket prices tv is the only alternative for many, many fans.

It's still just a game though. Family is real life.

SO glad my partner isn't into sports.

fuzzpig · 05/05/2013 18:50

My DH takes the same view stuntgirl - as I said, he is sports mad, but he would never put it before us, in terms of time or money.

RussiansOnTheSpree · 05/05/2013 19:10

I'm so glad I'm not married to someone who thinks they can sacrifice anything that is important to me so that they can get their own way by using the excuse of 'but it's for the family'.

natwebb79 · 05/05/2013 19:27

And I'm glad I'm not married to someone who would let their children down for the sake of a game they should have thought about beforehand, Russians. Jeeeeze.

pregnantpause · 05/05/2013 19:34

Yaba littleu .He has asked you whether you mind, he hadn't.told you he's going and he is trying to comprise coming out later. He asked and gave you the option to say no (not I presume for permission to go, but rather to ask if you will be happy to look after His DC - shakes head at idiots arguing that you can't stop adults doing things, you bloody can if they expect you to babysit for them! I hate the presumption that it's okay for men to leave their DC with dw without the courtesy of asking if she minds, because they.don't need permission to persue hobbies. Excepting work, I would never leave dc with dh without asking him if he minds and nor would he me. The responsibility for dc is shared not mine by default)

ilovesooty · 05/05/2013 19:55

the sake of a game they should have thought about beforehand

He didn't book the holiday:the OP did.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 05/05/2013 20:03

Yes but presumably they consulted dates beforehand.

In our family one of us (generally me) books the actual holiday, but the dates have been agreed with DH and checked on the school calendar for DS.

ilovesooty · 05/05/2013 20:48

Well, the OP made it clear that because of the school terms the dates were non negotiable.

Original poster
helsbels03 · 05/05/2013 21:43

I am a teacher, so dates are non- negotiable. And it was a long shot that his team got into the play offs when I booked the Hol almost a year ago. My question is am I being unreasonable for being upset that he would rather go to the match than holiday with us. I do have some issues with him not putting the dc first, but also over react. Now am quite looking forward to taking my sister instead- he will now probably decide not to go!!!

OP posts:
LittlePeaPod · 05/05/2013 21:49

Helsbells on this occasion personally I do think YABU. It's a big deal for him, it's a one off and I assume he doesn't do this every time you go on holiday. It's only two days.

ShellyBoobs · 05/05/2013 22:10

I have read all posts and my decision stands- he chooses before the final, comes for the dhole week or not.

I think if I was the DH, I'd be quite resentful of an ultimatum like that and would be more likely to choose the match. Especially given that you've got 13 weeks' holiday per year and he pressumably hasn't got that luxury when deciding how to spend his time off.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 05/05/2013 22:39

But shellyboobs we have no idea if there are mid week flights available to Tunisia and if there are how much they cost.

If I was the Op I'd be highly resentful that the DH assumes that it's ok for additional family money to be spent on what's probably going to be an expensive flight in school holidays , assuming of course that this mythical flight actually exists.

I would hate to try to navigate 3 DCs 2, 4 & 6 at say for example the swimming pool, in fact I'm sure there's a rule at our pool that you can only look after 2 of that age on your own. I certainly wouldn't want to chance it, oh and that's without trying to take the needs of an elderly lady who might not cope with the heat that well into account.

By bringing her sister OP has company as safety for the DCs plus they will be able to devote some attention to their mother who has also presumably paid money to go on holiday. I think it's a very elegant and thoughtful solution. DH gets to go to his oh so important football match and OP gets to go on holiday without having to look after the children by herself for at least 2 days.

The DH can just use the days he needs for the match and then work the rest.

TheSecondComing · 05/05/2013 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DadOnIce · 05/05/2013 22:54

Hmm - torn on this one! People who treat bloody football as more important than life or death really annoy me, but so do wives who think they can "let" another grown adult do something. I think my brain will explode if I think about this one for too long :)

Bowlersarm · 05/05/2013 22:56

Oh OP now your sounding controlling.

Bowlersarm · 05/05/2013 22:57

'You're' sorry, pedants

ilovesooty · 05/05/2013 23:08

I have read all posts and my decision stands- he chooses before the final, comes for the dhole week or not. It will be fine, but NOT forgotten

Whatever he decides to do, it will hardly be "fine" if you're going to hold it against him.

pregnantpause · 05/05/2013 23:20

Dad on ice-.she isn't letting him do anything, she is agreeing to look after his children whilst he does something.

Bowlersarm · 05/05/2013 23:24

pregnant but at a cost to him! She is agreeing reluctantly, "he comes for the whole week or not" "it will not be forgotten". Poor guy, he's hardly got her blessing to go to the match

2712 · 05/05/2013 23:26

So the father of your children would rather spend his time watching grown men kick a ball full of air round a field than spend precious time with them????
Nice!

Bowlersarm · 05/05/2013 23:29

No, he would rather watch grown men kick a ball around for just under two hours, and then join his children on holiday to spend precious time with them. OP is excluding him from doing that