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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Football match or family holiday??

254 replies

helsbels03 · 05/05/2013 08:28

AIBU - dh's football team just got into the play offs to move into the premiership. If they get through the semi 's then the final will be the day after we go on holiday to Tunisia. He has just asked I would mind if he flew out 2 days later as he wants to see his team at wembly. I am vv annoyed and upset he would rather watch football than go on holiday with us, we are only going for a week so he would be leaving me 3 young dc and my elderly mum for almost half of the holiday. Please give me some perspective on this- am I over reacting?

OP posts:
natwebb79 · 05/05/2013 14:11

Why did he book a holiday for the weekend of the play off finals when he knew there would be every chance of his team being in it then Russian?? If he was that bothered he would have made sure they booked a different week. It's not that tricky really!

Flobbadobs · 05/05/2013 14:17

I'd let him go, a couple of years ago our team made the play offs, it was bloody obvious they would so we didn't book anything except a weekend in London and tickets to Wembley! That was with the DC's btw so we all got to go but we're all footy fans here. (DD was only 3 and she loved it Grin)
Let him go then when he joins you take yourself off for the day to do some no pestering sightseeing on your own and let him amuse the DC's and look after your Mum.

LadyLech · 05/05/2013 14:28

Sorry, but I think it is bloody selfish of him.

  1. He has promised to go on holiday, by booking it. He now wants to renegade on that promise by missing out of 30-40% of it (depending on flight times etc) to do something else.
  1. How many holidays per year does the op get? If the mother is elderly, then I'm assuming won't be much help- that's the impression I got, so he's leaving his wife to take three young children, to fly, board the luggage, unload the luggage, all whilst coping with a two year old and on her own? That's not fair. Then, she will have to spend two days of her holiday looking after the young children alone. What kind of holiday is that for her?

I think that's a big ask, and very selfish of him. I wouldn't ask that of my husband, and would not put my hobby above the needs of my family. Personally, I think your responsibilities come first. He booked the holiday first, that's his commitment.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 05/05/2013 14:39

Oh yes because i'm sure a day wandering round Tunisia on her own (which I would imagine is not a great idea for a lone female) would make up for the missing half the holiday and the extra cost .
I'm sure the children would love that as well .Daddy doesn't turn up for half the holiday and when he does Mummy suddenly disappears . Lovely i am sure .
Look i am not a footie fan so i dont get this but If he feels he has to gowould rather my sister came than
him turning up half way through.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 05/05/2013 14:41

Oh and I was taught that once you have accepted a commitment its rude to then decline for a better offer.

joydivisionovengloves · 05/05/2013 14:43

YABU. It's the play off final. Games don't get much bigger than that. The thing with football is - for those involved, no explanation is necessary, for everyone else, no explanation is possible. Not wanting to miss such a massive game doesn't make him a bad bloke. I would do the same in his shoes.

Ashoething · 05/05/2013 14:48

Don't worry op-I am sure he can make up it up to you by booking you a weekend in a spaHmm

Andro · 05/05/2013 14:52

I'm a rugby nut, I always have been (probably always will be) so the lure of big matches is something I'm very familiar with. The key thing though when you're so into a sport is preparation, anything can happen so planning is key. The way to manage a situation such as playoffs is to not book anything on those days/that will impact those days. To make a set of firm plans and then renege on them sends a bad message, it says that a sport takes precedence over your family (unacceptable imho)...a little care could have avoided the situation completely.

For that reason OP YANBU, your DH should have ensured that nothing was booked to coincide with playoff w/e just in case.

SuperSaint · 05/05/2013 15:03

I haven't read the whole thread but I agree with natwebb79. Why did he book the holiday at that time if he wasn't prepared to miss the play off final? I am a massive football fan and my team were possibly going to be in the play offs in 2011 and 2012. I made sure I kept any potential play off match dates free just in case (luckily I didn't need it as we got automatic promotion both times Grin).

However, there'd be no way I'd be able to miss a match like that so I would understand if he wanted to go.

dreamingbohemian · 05/05/2013 15:15

Yeah I agree with natwebb too, if he's such a massive fan that he gets a pass to miss the family holiday, then he should have not booked anything for those dates.

I love football -- been sports mad my whole life actually. But I'd never want my family to think it's more important to me than they are.

And I agree that people should keep their hobbies and fun, but when said hobbies have a pretty significant impact on the family then yes, the partner is allowed to have an opinion about it.

Squitten · 05/05/2013 15:28

Times like this I'm very thankful my DH isn't a devoted sports fan!

Sometimes events in life clash. It's tough luck really if you have to miss out on something because you're pre-booked elsewhere. There is absolutely no chance that my DH would be dumping me with three young kids on a plane while he swans off for a nice footie match with his mates. Snowball's chance in hell.

MoominmammasHandbag · 05/05/2013 15:32

It's the play off final. For most serious football fans that's bigger than the FA cup final or the World Cup. And if you follow a small club it's likely to be a once in a lifetime event.
Of course if you aren't a serious football fan you won't understand the passion involved - I don't myself. But I have enough imagination to put myself in that football fan's shoes.
All the male members of my family are football mad Wigan supporters. Occasionally events have had to be rescheduled around DH and the boys' obsession. It doesn't make DH a bad father.

Facebaffle · 05/05/2013 15:37

YABU. This is a big match to a dedicated footy fan. Our team had their chance at Wembley a few years ago and DH would not have missed it for the world. He still goes on about what a great day it was.

As we got closer to the end of the season DH would not have missed any matches. He travelled home from our recent holiday (mid week match, about 90 minutes drive away) and I had fully expected it to happen...and it was my birthday Grin

Let him go.

LittlePeaPod · 05/05/2013 15:46

Facebaffle. I am with you on this one. I am surprised how angry people would get if this was their DH. I still honestly can't see the problem with it. Now if he did it every single time you went on holiday well that would be a problem.. But to get slightly historical over one occasion which is clearly so important to him..... I really don't get it... Confused

webwiz · 05/05/2013 15:47

Oh goodness Moominmammas I thought I was the only one suffering the special agony of living with Wigan fan.

MoominmammasHandbag · 05/05/2013 15:58

webwiz yes I live with three of them and we have two weeks of agony now don't we? But my lot would trade a cup final defeat for staying up.

webwiz · 05/05/2013 16:10

We moved away from Wigan for 25 years ago so I've told DH he needs to pick a new team next season as I don't think I can take any more end of season relegation battles. I've suggested Chelsea but he did this face Hmm

natwebb79 · 05/05/2013 16:12

So those people still saying 'but if you're a huge football fan you won't get it, he neeeeds to see this game!', why can't you see that it doesn't take a genius to not book a fucking holiday on the weekend of the play off final??? Aaargh! It's his own bloody fault!

webwiz · 05/05/2013 16:16

I agree with natwebb - if this was DH's (stupid) team we would have booked the holiday to start on the sun (or mon if its a sun game) to avoid a possible clash and so the situation would never have arisen.

MoominmammasHandbag · 05/05/2013 16:17

Yes but it is just so amazing when they do the great escape every season. Supporting Chelsea is probably quite dull in comparison. DH and the boys are already getting excited about next season's adventures in Europe Hmm.

StuntGirl · 05/05/2013 16:21

"So those people still saying 'but if you're a huge football fan you won't get it, he neeeeds to see this game!', why can't you see that it doesn't take a genius to not book a fucking holiday on the weekend of the play off final??? Aaargh! It's his own bloody fault!"

Quite. He's either such a huge fan or he isn't.

Watching something on tv isn't a hobby either. By that reckoning Corrie is a hobby too Grin

ilovesooty · 05/05/2013 16:22

A friend of mine did this when Bradford City last reached the League 2 playoff finals. He flew out to the family holiday the next day. His wife (not a football fan) wasn't too thrilled, but that was nothing to the grief he got from both sets of parents.

People who aren't football fans simply don't understand.

MoominmammasHandbag · 05/05/2013 16:22

But you don't have a crystal ball about these things. DH missed his team's first ever match in the Premiership because we were on holiday. He was pretty gutted after supporting them since he was a little boy and they were non league.

MoominmammasHandbag · 05/05/2013 16:25

stuntgirl real football fans don't watch it on the telly. (Unless there is no alternative).

ilovesooty · 05/05/2013 16:26

Of course they don't.