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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Football match or family holiday??

254 replies

helsbels03 · 05/05/2013 08:28

AIBU - dh's football team just got into the play offs to move into the premiership. If they get through the semi 's then the final will be the day after we go on holiday to Tunisia. He has just asked I would mind if he flew out 2 days later as he wants to see his team at wembly. I am vv annoyed and upset he would rather watch football than go on holiday with us, we are only going for a week so he would be leaving me 3 young dc and my elderly mum for almost half of the holiday. Please give me some perspective on this- am I over reacting?

OP posts:
Geezer · 05/05/2013 11:35

MeNeedShoes, wedding vs football match? No contest!

My brother in law attended the ceremony and then left after half an hour at the reception as Spurs were playing at home and he needed to get to London in time - we knew in advance and that was fine by us. We'd arranged the wedding on a day when our club weren't playing! Grin

I've no desire to go to anyone's wedding at all and don't do things I don't want to do so wouldn't be there, you'd find me in the stands watching my team. If your thing is watching dogs on the beach that's fine too. What's not fine is trying to disallow adults from doing as they please wrt their hobbies or trying to guilt trip them into not doing them.

fuzzpig · 05/05/2013 11:37

I'd take your sister instead. Total waste to have a 'vacancy' for half the holiday! :)

natwebb79 · 05/05/2013 11:47

I live with a Leicester fan and it's been obvious all season that they may well make the play offs. If he's that bothered and such a 'die hard fan' he should have bloody thought about that before booking a holiday for those dates! And if he decides to go to the game then I suggest he should be the one who has to explain to three upset children that he's prioritised a game of football over spending time with them. Can't see a 6,4 and 2 year old understanding that it's a 'once in a lifetime opportunity'.

Bertrude · 05/05/2013 11:48

Going against the grain but I'd be rearranging the holiday around it. My husband didn't come home for a significant family event on my side to save plane fare and annual leave for his trip to Wembley and they then didn't even make the play offs (thanks to Leicester in the last minute - bad night in our house last night!)

But we have no children to consider and I'm a football fanatic too and have rearranged things around important games for my team. Its a joint obsession for us despite supporting different clubs, so we fully acknowledge its importance. And they don't get to many of these type of things so its not often that I have to compromise Grin

delboysfileofax · 05/05/2013 11:49

It's Wembley people, WEMBLEY! The most important game of the season. I would pick that over a family holiday. It's not like Leicester are going to get there often. Wink If he was a fan of a big club/glory hunter I'd understand- they get their opportunity to go practically every season.

specialsubject · 05/05/2013 11:57

jesus. Spectator sport is NOT important.

I thought you meant he was actually taking part.

the hotel will have it on Sky, you can never get away from the drama-queen kickabout anywhere you go now.

ShellyBoobs · 05/05/2013 12:00

Can't see a 6,4 and 2 year old understanding that it's a 'once in a lifetime opportunity'.

They don't need to understand, do they?

Don't forget we're talking on MN here; back in the real world DCs don't always have to come before everyone else with regard to their happiness.

I'd rather my OH enjoy his life as I do mine, and DD does hers. Our individual happiness doesn't have to revolve around eachother constantly.

My OH will be away in Malaysia on business for 3 weeks solid before we go to our holiday home in France for a week in June. Only he won't be with us for the whole holiday as he's going to ride his motorbike at a track in Spain for a couple of days while we're away. That's fine with me because it's what he wants to do and I know how much he loves it. So does DD.

Life is for living, not just obeying one's partner's orders. Forcing people to do things doesn't make anyone happy.

GreenEggsAndNichts · 05/05/2013 12:02

Geezer it's not exactly the same as another hobby, because other hobbies can be done on your own time and aren't dictated by outside forces. It is also not a hobby you're taking part in, you're watching other people play a game from the sidelines.

Now you won't continue to read this Grin but I actually agree with you for the most part. If it were some thing DH desperately wanted to do, I wouldn't feel like being the person who told him he "couldn't" do it. I'd prefer that he make the choice on his own. However, I'm also the sort who wouldn't mind a holiday on my own with DS (very different from a holiday with 3 DC, I admit!)

I love rock music. On of my favourite bands, I've never seen them live before, they're getting long in the tooth so I won't have many more chances to see them, are finally coming to the UK. A friend and I had tickets, purchased as soon as they were announced last summer. However, in Feb my DF said (very very long story short) we have an opportunity to visit with him, for a very nice long weekend in +Paris, and so I'm taking DS to see him. Because life is short, DS won't be 4 forever and my DF won't be around forever.

The long weekend covers literally every UK date of the tour, btw. :(

Agree with natweb. If you're that into sport, and must keep certain dates free on the off off chance something big will happen on those dates, then do that. It'll save a lot of strife.

ShellyBoobs · 05/05/2013 12:06

...It's only a fucking game. It isn't more important than life or death, it isn't the most important thing in the world. Medical issues matter, work matters, no sport matters this much. It's a fucking game.

And a holiday is only a fucking holiday. That's not more important than life or death, either.

Your argument is shit, to be quite honest.

natwebb79 · 05/05/2013 12:09

No they don't NEED to understand. Just saying that seeing as he'a been a twonk and booked a holiday over dates where there was a decent chance they'd be in the play offs then he can be the one to see his small children upset and disappointed. That's all.

LittlePeaPod · 05/05/2013 12:15

Haven't read through all comments just responding to original note. My DF is. Massive Man U supporter and if I was in your position Op I would let him go and come out later. My reasoning been his only real passions outside his family/work are golf and Man U. And a one off important game like that doesn't come round that oftain and I would feel guilty beyond belief begrudging him the experience. It's not like holiday would be cancelled. My DF is off to The far east to watch Man U (4day trip) and he told me after it was booked. Didn't bother me one bit. In fact we had to book our holiday round it and that's when I found out. He works round me and I work round him. But I do understand everyone is different so hope you resolve it to everyone's satisfaction.

But I honestly don't understand why it's so upsetting that he wants to come out later.

wonderingsoul · 05/05/2013 12:17

fuck that for a barrel of laughs.

id say , sure sweetie, course i dont mind.. long as you you dont mind that my sister takes your place for the whole hoilday.

id be fuming just the fact he asked and thought it was a good idea.. shows where he priotys lay really dont it.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii · 05/05/2013 12:32

I would go with your sister and have a great time. I can't see why your kids would mind if you explained what he was doing. If you were pretending to be openly 'happy' for him then the kids would follow suit.

I woud let him go and I would be pleased for him. My DH is a huge huge sports fan. I don't mind, he enjoys it. It doesn't make him a selfish person. I don't quite understand how you can be that excited about watching sport but there are millions who think otherwise.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii · 05/05/2013 12:34

Of course if my DH went I would expect him to be grateful Smile

MathsCat · 05/05/2013 12:35

I'm guessing it's not possible to change the holiday dates as that week is half term. Leicester winning yesterday stopped my team getting to the playoffs! I'm generally of the opinion that something already booked, that CAN'T be easily changed takes priority... But then I've been to Wembley quite a few times, in fact the first match I ever went to was there, so may be a bit more relaxed about it. Give him the choice of coming on all the holiday or your sister comes - much nicer to have someone there the whole week (and probably cheaper to change name than try to get another flight during half term!)

natwebb79 · 05/05/2013 12:39

And the 'will never have a chance again' argument is balls. I'm a Millwall fan and even I've had a few opportunities to see them play at Wembley. One of them was an FA Cup final. If Millwall can do it (we're generally shite for those not in the know Grin) then Leicester bloody well can. Ha!

RussiansOnTheSpree · 05/05/2013 12:49

Special It's not important TO YOU. It clearly is to other people. Including the OPs husband.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 05/05/2013 12:54

I don't think you're overreacting. It's not about the football, it's about the fact that your DH would rather spend time on his hobby than enjoy a family holiday that's been planned for months. Why should your enjoyment of the holiday be hampered - the extra stress of having to organise the children and your mum - as he's changed his mind about coming? I'd also question the messages this gives out to your children - daddy would rather watch a football match than come on holiday with us?! Lovely.

I think you need to consider if your DH would be understanding enough to do the same for you. If he would, then maybe there's a compromise to be found. If not, his actions come across as being very selfish. He's taking you for granted, knowing you'd still go and care for the kids. Imagine if you'd suddenly said, oh sorry, I've got something better to do now for the first few days of the trip as well. Who'd go then? But you wouldn't do this. And he knows that.

RussiansOnTheSpree · 05/05/2013 12:57

To be honest, who wouldn't rather go to Wembley than to Tunisia with three really little kids and an elderly parent? I mean, it's not exactly surprising that someone would prefer the footy, is it?

CelticPixie · 05/05/2013 13:23

Oh for gods same Wibbly. He is not choosing a hobby over his family, he has asked his wife if she'd mind him flying out to join them two days later. He has not said he doesn't not want to go, he has not said that he wants them to cancel the holiday altogether and he would have plenty of time for family stuff when he arrives. People really do need to get a fucking grip here. Do you all expect the world to revolve around you and your kids? Because I here to say it doesn't!

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 05/05/2013 13:41

Celtic - I think you're forgetting that they're his kids too! You know, he's equally responsible for taking care of them...

And of course he'd be choosing his hobby over his family. Any decent man wouldn't contemplate planning another activity at the exact same time as a family holiday - the dates would be sacrosanct. I guess it's up to the OP to decide how she wants to proceed, given she's with someone with (IMO) such skewed priorities.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 05/05/2013 13:53

Agree with wibblypig.

Has the DH actually investigated if he can fly out a couple of days later? I'm betting a significant amount he hasn't, because it's not a priority for him. His priority is seeing the football match at whatever cost financially or to his family.

If the holiday had not already been booked then absolutely I would agree that the OP forgoes a foreign holiday with the children at that time of year so that her DH can go to the football final, fair enough, doesn't happen often etc. etc.

However the blinkin holiday has already been booked. I don't think expecting someone to go on a trip that is already booked and in the diary and has significant cost ramifications if you don't - or decide to saunter in mid way through - is a nice thing to do.

Oh and slagging off Tunisia as a holiday destination, yes mildly amusing, but cheap shot. This is the OPs real life not some imaginary scenario, I'm sure until this morning she was looking forward to her family holiday.

Geezer · 05/05/2013 13:59

GreenEggs I did continue reading! I just disappeared for a bit so I could get some stuff done ahead of watching football this afternoon. Grin (Yes, that's the truth, really).

ShelleyBoobs, I agree with you 100% - "Don't forget we're talking on MN here; back in the real world DCs don't always have to come before everyone else with regard to their happiness."

natwebb - Millwall?
Rolls on the floor laughing Grin Wink [pokes tongue out]

natwebb79 · 05/05/2013 14:05

Now now Geezer - the only joy I get from football nowadays is that by some fluke we always beat Leicester and I get to see the other half sulk. For this reason alone Leicester are NOT allowed to be promoted so this whole thread should be a non issue! Grin

RussiansOnTheSpree · 05/05/2013 14:06

It's just as valid to 'slag off' Tunisia as it is to be offensive about football. Particularly in a context where people are acting surprised that someone would rather go to a Wembley play off final than Tunisia. Of course there are people who would prefer to go to the footy. Football fans. Like the OPs husband.