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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Football match or family holiday??

254 replies

helsbels03 · 05/05/2013 08:28

AIBU - dh's football team just got into the play offs to move into the premiership. If they get through the semi 's then the final will be the day after we go on holiday to Tunisia. He has just asked I would mind if he flew out 2 days later as he wants to see his team at wembly. I am vv annoyed and upset he would rather watch football than go on holiday with us, we are only going for a week so he would be leaving me 3 young dc and my elderly mum for almost half of the holiday. Please give me some perspective on this- am I over reacting?

OP posts:
Geezer · 05/05/2013 09:53

theoriginalandbestrookie, you might not have anything against football. I never said you did Grin but it's abundantly clear on MN that the mere mention of the game turns some posters into nasty snobs who would be less black and white on this if the subject was tennis.

Equally you might put spending family time together above everything else all the time but not everyone does. My comments aren't personal, they're a general observation.

Where I am being personal is speaking as a football fan of course. A holiday can be taken next year, one to one with the kids or wife next week - but Leicester with a chance of going to Wembley? Trust me, it'll be a long time before it happens again!

Personally, I'm handing the business, kids, pets and everything else over very soon and am off to watch a very important match. As I said, wild horses etc etc. Grin

MummytoKatie · 05/05/2013 09:54

The problem is not the fact that it is football. It is the fact that the dh has made a commitment to do something and now wants to break it leaving the Op with a situation that she wouldn't have chosen.

waikikamookau · 05/05/2013 10:06

had a thought - can you all go, to Wembley, and delay your holiday? do you ever all go to matches,
should be a good atmosphere.

Original poster
helsbels03 · 05/05/2013 10:08

It's not the cost, or the fact that its football, and I am sure we will all be fine without him, it's the fact that he is not putting his family, and by that I mean his children first. How do I explain to do 6yrs,4yrs and2yrs why he's not coming-it will be another,Daddy has to work type excuse. If it was just the 2 of us it would be fine. Think I will phone the travel agents later-he def has to decide before the semi, and then if they don't get through then he will have missed the hol for nothing and he can decorate instead Wink

OP posts:
sarahtigh · 05/05/2013 10:14

you need to find out cost of

a) name changing if your sister goes instead
b.) DH flying out later will need a return ticket as with many airlines if you do not use the outward portion return is automatically cancelled

the later you leave it the more it will cost and the harder it will be to change

Geezer · 05/05/2013 10:16

That seems like a fair bargain, helsbels03. I'd take the chance of having to decorate if I were your husband, as much as I hate the task.

TBH, the children will probably be so excited that they're going on a plane, going on holiday, being with grandma etc that they won't fuss that their father's not with them for the first couple of days. And, as you've said, the rest of it isn't a problem, you'll be fine without him for those 2 or 3 days, it isn't a money issue so there's no need to stress, you have it sorted.

Sometimes, when it's important to you even though others just don't "get" what it means to you, and as long as the family is not going hungry/uncared for/hurt, it's ok to put something else first, as long as you don't do it all the time (and let's face it, Leicester City aren't going to give him that option, are they? Grin ). It's not personal, it's not that he doesn't love you I'm sure, it's just that once in a while it's human to want to let the prospect of harmless euphoria take over. Smile

Triumphoveradversity · 05/05/2013 10:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DowntonTrout · 05/05/2013 10:42

Why would you have to make an excuse for him though.? Surely if you explain it as it is, once in a lifetime chance, daddy's really excited, he'll join us in a couple of days, the DCs will accept it for what it is? Isn't making it into something you have to make an excuse about turning it into more of a problem? And telling them it's work surely passes on the same message you are worried about- that he's putting something else before them? They will take their cue from you.

And is he putting it before family time or has he just posed the possibility of what happens if they reach the final and he would like to go? It may not happen. Is he a great dad generally? Do you always do everything as a family unit or does he do things with them without you. How elderly is your mother? Does she need looking after or will she help with the DCs? These are all things to take into account.

nannyof3 · 05/05/2013 10:43

My 'd' p would do this too ....

Completely out of order...

I would tell him if he was doing this then he needs to pay for someone else to go on holiday with u to help out...
What if one of the children or ur mum was to end up in hospital? Ur be stuck....

Plus.. He might not be able to get a flight two days later... Also he cant possibly be guaranteed a ticket at Wembley!!!!

ShellyBoobs · 05/05/2013 10:48

If England were to get into the World Cup Finals I would understand why DH wanted to go...

But a World Cup final would be minor and insignificant compared to the Championship play-off final, for fans of the clubs involved.

You just can't compare the two.

Geezer · 05/05/2013 10:53

A season ticket holder to Leicester City has a pretty much guaranteed chance of a ticket to Wembley, nannyof3. It has a capacity of 90,000 more than all of LCFC's fanbase in total! As for the what if's - what if the sky fell in and the Uk was overtaken by martians? You can what if all day long, that's just silly.

I see that triumphoveradversity is another of those who would "let" an adult carry out a perfectly legitimate hobby. Hmm

Shakes head at the number of people who will or won't let other adults do things.

badguider · 05/05/2013 10:55

For us, the whole point of a family holiday is spending time together for a week, something which doesn't happen normally. We don't often go abroad but do sometimes, but wherever we are the point is not sunshine or swimming pools but time together.
There would be NO option for either of us to opt out of half of it.

The only option would be to cancel and move the week entirely. I guess we'd look into what that would cost and make the decision based on that. It would have to be one hell of a football match to make cancelling and rescheduling worth the cost!!

CelticPixie · 05/05/2013 10:55

I think YABU.

Unless your a diehard football fan you can't really understand how big a deal it is getting to Wembley. Unless you support one of the "big" clubs like Man United, City, Arsenal, Liverpool etc it may even be a once in a lifetime thing, so I can totally understand your husband wanting to see his team playing there. Especially when a win means promotion to the Premiership.

Personally I'd let him go,

Geezer · 05/05/2013 10:56

If England were in the World Cup Final I probably wouldn't even watch it on TV. My club are playing in a final soon - and as I said, wild horses won't stop me from being there.

waikikamookau · 05/05/2013 10:59

just change the dates of the holiday, then if they don't make it to Wembley you can blame your dh Grin for the hassle

Annunziata · 05/05/2013 11:03

YABU, let him go.

I still feel guilty about DH not getting to go to see Celtic in Seville.

lurkedtoolong · 05/05/2013 11:14

Really? It's only a fucking game. It isn't more important than life or death, it isn't the most important thing in the world. Medical issues matter, work matters, no sport matters this much. It's a fucking game.

Tell him it's his choice. He either comes on the family holiday and behaved like a father to his children or he goes to a football match. It isnt up to you to "let" him do anything. It's his choice but I'd look very unfavourably if my DH wanted to fanny around with our holiday to watch sport.

Bowlersarm · 05/05/2013 11:19

lurkedtoolong clearly you don't understand the passion involved. There will be a huge amount of people who don't see it as 'only a fucking game'.

Geezer · 05/05/2013 11:21

It's "only a fucking game" to you, lurkedtoolong. It could be argued that it's only an effing holiday. You can't expect other people to lack interest or passion in a subject just because you do.

lurkedtoolong · 05/05/2013 11:21

I can totally understand how passionate people get about their sports and their teams. There's nothing wrong with that but when they prioritise that over spending time with their children it's just unspeakably selfish.

Geezer · 05/05/2013 11:27

Bull, lurkedtoolong! You're effectively saying that no-one can do anything unless they don't have the option of having their children with them. I look forward to reading your comments on another thread where you tell a mother that she can't go to the gym and put her kid in the health club's creche because she's prioritising that over spending time with her children or the couple that they can't leave the kids with grandma and go to lunch/the cinema/a wedding/away for a weekend because they're prioritising that over spending time with their children.

Absolute and utter bull.

MeNeedShoes · 05/05/2013 11:28

I thank my lucky stars every day that I married a man with no interest in following TV sport. Seriously. 3 of my BIL are sports mad and the other 2 plus DH have no interest. The sports mad ones are always trying to sidle out of weddings / weekend plans because some men chasing a ball about on a field. I would rather go to the beach and watch some dogs chasing a ball about.

Bowlersarm · 05/05/2013 11:29

He's not prioritising it over spending time with his children, he's planning to go on the holiday just a little later.

(I started off as YANBU - it looks like I have changed my mind and think YABU! Not quite sure how that happened.)

MeNeedShoes · 05/05/2013 11:29

Oh and to answer your question YANBU but - when you marry a sports mad man these things happen. Your alternative is to go back in time and marry a man who doesn't give a bollocks about Leicester :o

Xales · 05/05/2013 11:32

This is why I would never date a passionate football/golf/whatever sports fan.

My ex neighbours H used to bugger off every Saturday and Sunday leaving her to deal with 3 kids.

I could hear them arguing when the youngest were babies that she needed help and him arguing she knew he did this when they got together.

Maybe he did but that was pre kids. Selfish.

Yes OP can wrangle 3 kids and and elderly parent around. She can do that easier at home. A holiday is for her to get a break too.

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