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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fiancé double booking me

116 replies

Missy44 · 04/05/2013 22:40

AIBU? I've been working really hard lately so planned to spend some quality time with my man this weekend. We decided we'd go out tonight, we didn't put firm plans as to where or what time but we'd been talking all week about it.

Yesterday, his friend (a new father) text to invite fiancé out to wet his baby's head. My fiancé asked me if I wanted to go too and I agreed, so he set about texting his friend to 'ask' if I can go out.

Said friend replied this afternoon. He said no, our new mother friend is breast feeding and couldn't join us and she's only happy with the guys going out tonight.

So, fiancé has now left me at home while he's gone out. None of my friends were available at such short notice and I'm feeling bored and pee'd off. I don't understand why fiancé has to gain permission for me to go out, I am also annoyed that I've been left without plans when I was fancying a long overdue night out and feeling let down because this isn't the first time I've been in this kind of situation. I'm quietly stewing but please share your opinions to let me know if I'm over reacting or perfectly reasonable. Thanks

OP posts:
Numberlock · 04/05/2013 22:41

Yabu.

ParsleyTheLioness · 04/05/2013 22:42

YANBU. This would naff me off too.

ChocHobNob · 04/05/2013 22:43

YANBU

It should be up to your partner if he wants to take you out with him, not his friend's partner. Hmm

MoaningMingeWhingesAgain · 04/05/2013 22:43

You didn't have a firm plan.

His friend won't be having a new baby every week.

It was a bit rude to drop you for his friend but understandable IMHO. I would be dialling for a lovely takeaway and getting comfy with the TV Grin

Xales · 04/05/2013 22:44

Why would she have an issue with a woman going?

HollyBerryBush · 04/05/2013 22:44

New father asks your P if he would like to go out with the blokes to wet babys head. P asks if you can tag along. No, it's a bloke thing. New mother isolated and can't go out but is tolerant of a blokes night out and is understandably annoyed women want to gat crash it.

If you can't see where you and your P have overstepped the mark, no hope really.

ilovesooty · 04/05/2013 22:44

I wondered that as well Xales

squoosh · 04/05/2013 22:45

I don't get it, did the new mother say she didn't want you going out with the men??

DiscoDonkey · 04/05/2013 22:46

I don't think he asked permission I think he was wimping out of telling you he wanted a lads night.

ilovesooty · 04/05/2013 22:46

I don't see that it makes any difference to the mother if a woman goes or not. Of course the friend could have said no on his own account then the fiance could have made a choice on that basis.

squoosh · 04/05/2013 22:47

Why would the new Mum be 'understandably' annoyed at a partner attending a celebratory drink for the new baby?

I don't undestand at all.

CherryMeg · 04/05/2013 22:48

YABU.

Why put "ask" in inverted commas? Because actually some people don't like it when partners rock up when it's suppose to be a friends night out.

His friend also just had a baby and wants to celebrate.

You didn't have firm plans.

ChocHobNob · 04/05/2013 22:48

"Will you come out for a drink and wet the baby's head with me?"

"Sure. I'll be bringing Missy as we already had planned to spend the night together".

Your partner needs to grow some balls.

HollyBerryBush · 04/05/2013 22:51

There are times when MN just is so insensitive.

So, you've squeezed a bowling ball down your smartie tube, spit your arse, your nipples are on fire, you're bleeding and leaking, your hair is greasy, eyes on matchsticks, and some bird wants to tag along on a blokes evening out? Yup - WTG to make the new mum feel like a million dollars

ThreeWheelsGood · 04/05/2013 22:51

I don't understand why your DP's mate isn't staying in with his breastfeeding partner and sharing the load. Why should he get to go out for a drink when she can't?

Anyway IMO yanbu.

Original poster
Missy44 · 04/05/2013 22:53

I can see that my fiancé would like a boys night out, but I'm just feeling a bit annoyed that he told me this afternoon and I haven't been able to make alternative plans.

The text message that my fiancé got said that our new mother friend was only happy to tolerate a boys night out because she's breast feeding and she wouldn't be happy with partners going along.

OP posts:
squoosh · 04/05/2013 22:54

But it isn't 'some bird' Hmm it's his friend's partner. So happy I'm not one of those women who see other women as some dangerous threat.

Softlysoftly · 04/05/2013 22:55

For once I Agree with holly, also I hate blokes wetting the babies head. Basically means leaving the mother to deal with Everything and getting pissed. Awesome Hmm

Nagoo · 04/05/2013 22:56

Agree with holly.

HollyBerryBush · 04/05/2013 22:56

So happy I'm not one of those women who see other women as some dangerous threat

I'm not either - but I see how hysterical this forum gets when it's got an arm full of hormones.

attheendoftheday · 04/05/2013 22:57

YANBU. But I'm someone who doesn't really get why people divide their friends or social activities by gender.

If I wasn't welcome on a night out I would expect dp to choose me over his friends tbh. Not because I'd kick up a fuss, but because he'd be happier knowing we were both having a good time.

Numberlock · 04/05/2013 22:57

You should have found something else to fill your time instead of having to crash this do just cos you can't cope with an unplanned evening on your own.

If I'm having a girls night out there's no way partners are tagging along.

HollyBerryBush · 04/05/2013 22:58

Bloke night out - very different social connotations to leaving a post partum woman at home whilst bloke and all his mates and their partners go and party the night away. That would be really excluding for the new mum.

DiscoDonkey · 04/05/2013 22:59

Agree with holly too. If all the partners went out then basically new mum gets left holding the baby whilst everyone else has a jolly old knees up without her. Don't think it's about feeling threatened by other women.

QuintessentialOHara · 04/05/2013 22:59

Agree with Holly, and Softly is SPOT ON!