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AIBU?

Fiancé double booking me

116 replies

Missy44 · 04/05/2013 22:40

AIBU? I've been working really hard lately so planned to spend some quality time with my man this weekend. We decided we'd go out tonight, we didn't put firm plans as to where or what time but we'd been talking all week about it.

Yesterday, his friend (a new father) text to invite fiancé out to wet his baby's head. My fiancé asked me if I wanted to go too and I agreed, so he set about texting his friend to 'ask' if I can go out.

Said friend replied this afternoon. He said no, our new mother friend is breast feeding and couldn't join us and she's only happy with the guys going out tonight.

So, fiancé has now left me at home while he's gone out. None of my friends were available at such short notice and I'm feeling bored and pee'd off. I don't understand why fiancé has to gain permission for me to go out, I am also annoyed that I've been left without plans when I was fancying a long overdue night out and feeling let down because this isn't the first time I've been in this kind of situation. I'm quietly stewing but please share your opinions to let me know if I'm over reacting or perfectly reasonable. Thanks

OP posts:

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Numberlock · 04/05/2013 23:27

So the new dad has to make his plans around his mate's girlfriend because she can't cope with a night on her own?

ilovesooty · 04/05/2013 23:30

There's no suggestion sne "can't cope with a night on her own". I just don't see why the night out was arranged with so little notice when she and her fiance had been discussing during the week what they might be doing together. I bet if the OP had a couple of young children the answers might be a bit different.

BackforGood · 04/05/2013 23:32

What happened to your Mam ?

LadyBeagleEyes · 04/05/2013 23:33

I'ts traditional isn't it, a night out to wet the baby's head.
One night out with the proud dad and his mates, a one off, and he'll be around for the rest off your life if you're engaged.
YABU.

ilovesooty · 04/05/2013 23:35

Her mum's never been mentioned.

pinkyredrose · 04/05/2013 23:45

numberlock what?

BackforGood · 04/05/2013 23:47

Ilove -- in the OP, she said she was going out with her mum tonight :

planned to spend some quality time with my man this weekend. We decided we'd go out tonight, we didn't put firm plans as to where or what time but we'd been talking all week about it.

Xales · 04/05/2013 23:48

Man not mam have you had a few

BackforGood · 04/05/2013 23:52

Oh Lord !
I've not touched a drop , but in my defence I have had an operation on my eye and it's obviously more blurry than I thought! Just read what it sounded like it should say... I'll get my coat

Missy44 · 04/05/2013 23:55

Haha, you sound like me without my contact lenses. I do call my mother mam though. This could have been a very different conversation!!

OP posts:

ENormaSnob · 05/05/2013 00:16

Wetting the baby's head is otherwise known as lads night out where I live.

I'm surprised your dp even asked if you could tag along tbh.

In fact, if I were you I would be very pissed off he asked because it really doesn't paint you in a good light.

apostropheuse · 05/05/2013 01:03

YABU to want to go.

I think the new dad didn't want you to go because he wanted to go out with his friend to wet the baby's head. He made the story up about the new mum not wanting you to go because he didn't want to admit it was him that didn't want you there.

It's just a traditional thing to do - men go out and wet babies heads. It does no harm and is a rare occasion.

I could be wrong of course and Hollyberry has given a perfectly feasible alternative reason for what happened.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 05/05/2013 01:28

Your fiancé IBU.

MidniteScribbler · 05/05/2013 01:51

Good grief you sound like an absolute nightmare. Not being able to cope with changes in plans, expecting to tag along on boys nights, not knowing what to do with yourself on your own for a night, demanding to see text messages because you don't believe your fiance. Poor man.

scottishmummy · 05/05/2013 02:07

good grief op.you should be able to socialise independent of your dp
why do you need his availability prior to arranging your social life?
I'd not want my dp on girls night out,why you want To go on a lads night?

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 05/05/2013 02:31

BackForGood the OP said 'my man', not 'my Mam'.

So yes, she was available to tag along.

MiniMonty · 05/05/2013 02:51

OP - I'm really jealous that this is the biggest problem in your life.

JassyRadlett · 05/05/2013 03:02

FFS, the only thing relevant to the new mother is whether she's happy for her husband to go out and leave her home alone or not.

For her to get to dictate the gender of attendees, but apparently not care the identity of any of the men allowed to attend, of frankly pretty Neolithic. And ally he people saying its understandable of her are perpetuating the idiotic gender segregation of our culture where there's something 'wrong' with men and women socialising and being friends on a strictly platonic basis.

For the record, I pushed out a 9 pounder with a 99th centile head. And when I was ready for my husband to go out for the evening with his mates, I didn't care whether it was his mate John or his mate Jane. (Or his mate John's partner, for that matter.) That's because I'm a grown up and I trust him, and it's his business who he likes to socialise with.

OP, you'd made plans even if they weren't set it stone - you'd left the time free. You're entitled to be annoyed.

Thumbwitch · 05/05/2013 03:09

God. I went out with my BIL to wet the baby's head, my sis had just given birth, she didn't give a toss!

lunar1 · 05/05/2013 04:08

I'm surprised at all the replies here tbh. I have no problems with dh going out without me. But if we had planned to go out together even if we hadn't decided exactly where I'd be pretty pissed off if he dropped me last minute as he got a better offer.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 05/05/2013 08:20

Exactly lunar1.

BruthasTortoise · 05/05/2013 08:28

YANBU. Your fiancé was incredibly rude for ditching you when a better offer came alone, your DPs friend's partner sounds unhinged and incredibly controlling and it wasn't like the friend didn't know that the baby had been born and could've planned rather than leaving it last minute. I would be mightily pissed off.

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grobagsforever · 05/05/2013 08:43

You lot really are acting like a bunch of vipers! She had plans with her DP and he ditched her. Which is just rude. Her DP should have turned the friend down As if 'wetting the baby's head' is some kind of sacred tradition, its just a bloody pint. Of course OP can cope with a night alone but does this mean her DP can just drop her? OP ignore the faux chilled 'I'm so relaxed I don't care if my DP cancels our wedding at two hours notice to go to a strip club' brigade and give your DP a metaphorical kick.in the balls.

As for the new mum, cut her some slack or have you forgotten how irrational having fuck all sleep can make you?

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/05/2013 09:12

YANBU.

"fiancé has now left me at home while he's gone out ... and feeling let down because this isn't the first time I've been in this kind of situation."
So your fiancé has form for dropping you/changing plans on you at the last minute. That would piss me off too. Personally I'd be inclined to tell him that I was not happy to be so low in his priorities, or that he thought I would be willing to be so low in his priorities. And that if he didn't buck up his ideas, he'd need A&E treatment to recover the engagement ring.

CombineBananaFister · 05/05/2013 09:41

Can't stand the 'head-wetting' male only malarky. Think it's fine for anyone, regardless of gender, to celebrate a new life in the world and it shouldn't necessarily have to be a piss-up either fgs. My BIL just used it as an excuse to get arseholed for most of his paternity time leaving a struggling SIL.

Personally think if anyone should be allowed to celebrate and have a rest it should be the new mum whilst everyone goes to hers for baby duties . loved the bowling ball/smartie tube analogy!

So don't think YABU or new mum IBU but think the rest of them are planks.

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