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AIBU?

Fiancé double booking me

116 replies

Missy44 · 04/05/2013 22:40

AIBU? I've been working really hard lately so planned to spend some quality time with my man this weekend. We decided we'd go out tonight, we didn't put firm plans as to where or what time but we'd been talking all week about it.

Yesterday, his friend (a new father) text to invite fiancé out to wet his baby's head. My fiancé asked me if I wanted to go too and I agreed, so he set about texting his friend to 'ask' if I can go out.

Said friend replied this afternoon. He said no, our new mother friend is breast feeding and couldn't join us and she's only happy with the guys going out tonight.

So, fiancé has now left me at home while he's gone out. None of my friends were available at such short notice and I'm feeling bored and pee'd off. I don't understand why fiancé has to gain permission for me to go out, I am also annoyed that I've been left without plans when I was fancying a long overdue night out and feeling let down because this isn't the first time I've been in this kind of situation. I'm quietly stewing but please share your opinions to let me know if I'm over reacting or perfectly reasonable. Thanks

OP posts:

Report

whatamardarse · 06/05/2013 01:15

Don't like some thing ---- sorry fat swollen fingers!

whatamardarse · 06/05/2013 01:14

YANBU . Your bloke should have said I have made plans with missy.

New mums fella was taking piss leaving her holding baby while he went out on piss!! Why the hell is this misses fault ? She didn't know new mum wasn't going .

Don't be a quiet seether, honestly , if your fucked off or font like done thing get in the habit of saying so. Me and DH were brutally honest with each other in beginning and it worked wonders! Keeping your mouth shut to keep him happy will only lead to you being unhappy .

cumfy · 06/05/2013 00:57

Well you chose the right solution.

2rebecca · 05/05/2013 22:21

This is bizarre. I would have refused to give him the tickets if he wasn't going to be spending time with me. If you have a small toddler and limited childcare how were you going to go out anyway?
Are you just planning to marry this bloke because you've already had a child? You don't seem to like each other much and he seems to be using pathetic excuses to avoid spending time with you.
Who were you talking to about him wetting the babies head anyway? If he gets shirty about you chatting on mumsnet anonymously it doesn't bode well.
I'd be cancelling the wedding until you can talk to each other and he shows he wants to spend some time with you.

scottishmummy · 05/05/2013 20:19

do you two get on,do you like each other?

TheSecondComing · 05/05/2013 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grobagsforever · 05/05/2013 19:11

Horrible behavior. Are you ok op? Is this typical?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 05/05/2013 18:35

The thing is, OP, your fiancé didn't ask you if you minded him going as you and he had plans, he asked you if you wanted to go (without checking first with his mate).

Now he is saying YABU for saying anything about going along? That doesn't make sense. And the football thing today sounds petty on his part.

squoosh · 05/05/2013 17:34

He's punishing you today because you were annoyed with him.

Sounds like a prize.

Numberlock · 05/05/2013 17:31

In that case, last night wasn't a one off and he's prone to sulking when challenged. Get rid.

RenterNomad · 05/05/2013 16:14

He dumped you again today? Bloody hell, ust put the wedding on hold while you sort your relationship out, as he's giving you loads of cause to resent him.

Maybe the compromise could involve moving back to the city/ town, where you will be less isolated (you're the one lacking childcare: he's got you). We moved to the 'burbs a couple of years ago, and I miss our old neighbourhood terribly.

QuintessentialOHara · 05/05/2013 15:35

Do you really want to marry this guy?

AmberSocks · 05/05/2013 13:41

wetting a babys head? what does that even mean?do people really do that?when i had mine dhs friends came to our house to say congrats to us both there was no going out for drinks,men only,what a load of old bullshit.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/05/2013 13:37

So not only did he stand you up last night, he has repeated his behaviour today - plus with the extra salt-in-the-wound that you are paying for it? Unbefuckinglievable! OP, your fiancé is a prince amongst men (not).

Why do you stand for this?

Missy44 · 05/05/2013 13:13

Thanks for all of your comments. We moved out from the city to a more rural area to bring up our family. My fiance drove into the city but ended up drinking and had to get a taxi home. As for today, I had arranged special tickets for him to meet his favourite football team today but dp is annoyed at me because he feels that I shouldn't have said anything about him going out to wet his friends baby's head so is taking his father instead.

For those who find socialising easy when you have a small toddler, a full time job and not a great deal of available childcare that's great, but its not my situation.

OP posts:

Sickofthesnow · 05/05/2013 12:23

You COULD have gone to spend time with the new mother since you are friends?
Bit of friendly female company whilst the men are out "wetting the baby's head" could have been just what she needed, and would also have stopped you feeling left out.

BruthasTortoise · 05/05/2013 12:15

Really? If on one of our very rare nights out my DH decided to ditch me in favour of his mates at the last minute, I would probably be hard pushed to find anyone else available at such short notice. People have to organise babysitters etc. I would be pissed off.

scottishmummy · 05/05/2013 12:12

I'm astonished an adult woman is at such loose end without a man
plans changed,so what.should be able to fill evening without stewing as she put it

badguider · 05/05/2013 11:48

It's hard to say if OP is being unreasonable, depends on the fiance and how normal this is.
If his other offer had been watching footie or a normal pint with a friend that would be out of order, but some of us have mentioned that the 'wetting the babies head' drink, if it's a very good friend, is something we'd be happy to be trumped by because it's a unique moment. I would dump vague plans with my DH in a hearbeat if a very good friend gave birth and asked me over for the first visit and he'd totally understand.

BruthasTortoise · 05/05/2013 11:47

scottishmummy the OP did have plans, she had planned to go out with her DP, he ditched are at the last minute. How can you think that's acceptable?

Chandelierforagirl · 05/05/2013 11:47

I think this is about communication. There are some assumptions on your part and on his that don't match up, so you approached that evening with different expectations. Can be easily rectified OP.

notsoyoniface · 05/05/2013 11:43

I'm not sure why the op has had such a pasting. The way I see it is:

Op and fiance made loose plans, fiance got another offer, fiance ditched op under the guise that the baby's mother didn't want women there.

OP ywnbu to be pissed off. Can you and your fiance do anything today?

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Loa · 05/05/2013 11:32

I think she is complaining as she had plans to go out with her Fiancé. Where they were going and when was still vague but the actually going out together part was firm and decided.

Then Fiancé got a better offer and went.

This has happened before. Usually OP sucks it up and make alternative plans but can't because she was dropped so late.

I don't see that as curtail or setting restrictions.

I put up with my DH doing this for years as I didn't want to stop him having fun. I ended up feeling my company is second best - not good way to feel about yourself.

scottishmummy · 05/05/2013 11:24

quite simply I don't seek permission to go out,nor do I give it
adults in a relationship should discuss activities,not curtail or set restrictions
if op at loose end with no plans up to her to sort it.not complain because her dp going out

badguider · 05/05/2013 11:16

My DH went out with his best mate to 'wet the baby's head' - it wasn't a piss-up, it was a pretty sedate chance for a few blokes (4-5) to talk through what being a new father meant to them and their hopes and fears for their new role (all first babies). Even though I have lots of male friends and often go out with men due to the sport I do, I can see that a woman in that environment would really have curtailed the freedom of the guys to chat, just like a man changes the post-partum conversations of new mothers.
A couple of the partners of the blokes who know the mother well went to visit the mother and baby that same night which was nice for us too.

I imagine my DH will do the same, sometime during his two week paternity leave with our first (due soon), when we are both comfortable with it, but it certainly doesn't mean he'll be coming home drunk and it's not a 'party' for everybody and their new girlfriend, it's a quite night with his very best friends.

I don't often do single-sex gatherings but I think that sometimes they can have a role to play.

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