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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For not wanting to be judged by my MIL for leaving my baby to cry?

417 replies

roses2 · 04/05/2013 15:51

Me and DH are living with his parents at the moment and we have a 4 month old DS.

I have my DS on a feeding schedule which works well. He is gaining weight steadily and seems happy in between feeds.

I like to have DS sit in his push chair with us at the dinner table while we eat so he can socialise with us. He cries quite often wanting to be picked up, more so when MIL is there because he knows she will pick him up. He doesn't cry when it's just me and DH because he knows we won't pick him up.

Me and DH know the difference between when he is hungry, wanting attention, tired etc.

Last week, DS was crying at the table. MIL got upset and told me if I was going to leave him to cry then put him in the other room. So now I put him in front of the tv while we eat. He cries for a few minutes then stops.

Last night he was crying a lot in front of the tv. Then MIL went into a rant by telling he is crying because he is in pain or hungry because babies don't cry for no reason and I should top him up with a bottle because I don't have enough milk (not true at all, I can still squirt milk out my boob when he takes himself off). As soon as I went to pick him up, he stopped crying which I think proves my point he just wanted attention.

I'm really upset with her as no matter what I do, I just can't seem to win. I try to eat with him at the table but he cries and she doesn't like it. I put him in the other room, he cries and she doesn't like it.

I was so upset last night I spent the whole night crying. DH supports me fully and told her off. All I want is to eat my dinner without having to shove it down my throat to attend to DS because she gets upset when he cries.

Not really sure what I'm looking for here but just wanted to have a rant.

It's our first row, normally we get on better than me and my own mum.

OP posts:
Geckoandthemonkey · 04/05/2013 16:06

I ate a full English bfast this morning while bfing my 1 year old! I understand you are living with your MIL but baby comes first.

Maryz · 04/05/2013 16:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

teenagetantrums · 04/05/2013 16:06

why don't you let your MIL pick him and hold him while you eat? I would hate to eat with a baby crying, I understand you want a break but if someone else want to hold him why would you say no?

freddiemisagreatshag · 04/05/2013 16:07

I'm with everyone else.

notnowbernard · 04/05/2013 16:07

Id want someone to pick him up as well

Me, DP, MIL.... Wouldn't care who just not nice to have a baby crying as the soundtrack to the evening meal

How can he be 'socialising' with you at the table if he's screaming at you?! Confused

HollyBerryBush · 04/05/2013 16:07

So many people seriously don't leave their baby to cry? Unless you all have maids, I can't see how you would be able to shower, cook food, do the laundry

When they are asleep.

Cloverer · 04/05/2013 16:08

Most people don't leave their baby to cry unless they really can't help it.

Shower - when the baby is napping, or take the baby into the bathroom in a chair so they can at least see you.
Cooking - again, when the baby is napping/when someone else is around to hold the baby/in a sling on your back/in a chair in the kitchen so you can at least talk to and reassure it
Laundry - ditto

Very few people would choose to listen to their baby crying for them when they didn't have to.

Mnetter111 · 04/05/2013 16:08

have you tried putting him in a baby arrived while you eat or eating when he's napping? Also, if MIL isn't supportive,you need to bring forward the plans to move out. Fwiw everyone has different opinions on baby things, I agree with people saying he needs attention but I know it's hard when you can't even finish a meal in peace, I'd think about eating while he's napping.

oinkment · 04/05/2013 16:09

When you were so upset that you cried all night did everyone just ignore you and leave you to get on with it?

CrowsLanding · 04/05/2013 16:09

I agree with everyone else and your mil.
Why can you not feed him whilst you are eating?

Mnetter111 · 04/05/2013 16:09

Sorry baby carrier don't know how iPad got baby arrived!

Cloverer · 04/05/2013 16:10

Do you feel anything when he cries - like a desire to comfort him? Or does the crying just irritate/frustrate you?

Just wondering if maybe there is something else going on here like depression?

teenagetantrums · 04/05/2013 16:10

there is a difference between leaving the baby to cry because you have to go to the toilet, finish cooking something ect than sitting at a table listening to him cry

drinkyourmilk · 04/05/2013 16:10

Another that would cuddle.
However I am not you. Only you know what works for you and your family. Do you object to your mil holding your lo? If so then is it possible for baby to rest in his bed at suppertime?

Patchouli · 04/05/2013 16:11

Oh. I really thought this was a funny thread - it's got everything: MIL, leave to cry, TV
I guess it's real then.

roses, you're lucky in your house-there's you, DH and MIL: your baby doesn't need to be left alone, crying, very often while you eat/shower/cook etc.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 04/05/2013 16:11

YABU. My mind is boggling at the thought of a 4 month old baby crying in his pram pushed to the table while the adults try to eat! It's madness. And then you put him in another room to cry while you eat? Come on. Someone pick the baby up! Your baby needs attention. They don't only cry because they are hungry or tired, babies have more needs than physical. I would be very uncomfortable trying to eat a meal with a crying baby in the vicinity that nobody was attending to.

apachepony · 04/05/2013 16:12

Yep, shower, cook and laundry generally when baby happy on playmat or bouncer, or when dh at home. When baby was younger and not happy to be left down, laundry with baby in sling, shower when dh at home, cooking - dh did it! Occasionally of course baby left to cry for a moment when something has to be done first but cannot imagine trying to enjoy a meal with my baby crying!

noblegiraffe · 04/05/2013 16:12

I've got a 3.5 month old, I shower when she's asleep. If she's crying I pick her up, if we're having dinner and she cries I will cuddle her while my DH eats, then we swap.

If she is crying and I want to do laundry, I put her in a sling, or I wait till she's asleep.

She's quite happy under her baby gym in the mornings so I do some tidying up while she plays. But if she started crying, I'd stop and go to her.

HollyBerryBush · 04/05/2013 16:12

I sincerely hope your DH is going to apologise to his mother for 'telling her off' seeing as you now have a majority opinion MIL was correct with her comments. Not to mention you are accepting her hospitality.

catgirl1976 · 04/05/2013 16:12

I'm sorry but I also think you are being U

We did CC which gets a flaming on here, but that was at 10 months and just at bedtime and lasted 3 nights

We did (and still do) cuddle him whenever else he cried

4 months in tiny - too young to be left

DH and I took it in turns to eat. I grabbed a quick shower when DH had him or when he was asleep. Same with laundry etc

seeker · 04/05/2013 16:12

If you don't want to be judged by your MIL, I'll do it instead if you like.......

Geckoandthemonkey · 04/05/2013 16:13

FYI Your baby might be hungry as there is a major developmental growth spurt at 4 months. Agree with your MIL 100%

kellymom.com/bf/normal/growth-spurts/

WheresMrMonkey · 04/05/2013 16:13

He just wants a cuddle in no way at all is he manipulating you, please think what he is feeling when he cries out

poocatcherchampion · 04/05/2013 16:13

yabvu.

Geckoandthemonkey · 04/05/2013 16:14

kellymom.com/bf/normal/growth-spurts/