For not wanting to be judged by my MIL for leaving my baby to cry?

[roses2]

Me and DH are living with his parents at the moment and we have a 4 month old DS.

I have my DS on a feeding schedule which works well. He is gaining weight steadily and seems happy in between feeds.

I like to have DS sit in his push chair with us at the dinner table while we eat so he can socialise with us. He cries quite often wanting to be picked up, more so when MIL is there because he knows she will pick him up. He doesn't cry when it's just me and DH because he knows we won't pick him up.

Me and DH know the difference between when he is hungry, wanting attention, tired etc.

Last week, DS was crying at the table. MIL got upset and told me if I was going to leave him to cry then put him in the other room. So now I put him in front of the tv while we eat. He cries for a few minutes then stops.

Last night he was crying a lot in front of the tv. Then MIL went into a rant by telling he is crying because he is in pain or hungry because babies don't cry for no reason and I should top him up with a bottle because I don't have enough milk (not true at all, I can still squirt milk out my boob when he takes himself off). As soon as I went to pick him up, he stopped crying which I think proves my point he just wanted attention.

I'm really upset with her as no matter what I do, I just can't seem to win. I try to eat with him at the table but he cries and she doesn't like it. I put him in the other room, he cries and she doesn't like it.

I was so upset last night I spent the whole night crying. DH supports me fully and told her off. All I want is to eat my dinner without having to shove it down my throat to attend to DS because she gets upset when he cries.

Not really sure what I'm looking for here but just wanted to have a rant.

It's our first row, normally we get on better than me and my own mum.

[Bananapickle]

Is there anyway you could eat once he's gone to bed or is asleep between feeds if you don't have a bedtime yet?

That would surely be a better solution then your MIL getting annoyed and you leaving your baby to cry.

I'm sure my DD was asleep at around 7 at that age before her feed at 1030 so you could all sit down to eat then maybe.

[Hawkmoth]

What does your baby like watching on tv?

[NoWayPedro]

Sorry OP, agree with everyone else YABU :(

8.5 mo DD here. We had a bedtime of around 6.30-7pm or thereabouts at that age so we ate dinner in peace after she went to bed. Before that we took it in turns to hold her or ate with one hand or whilst she was chilling in a bouncer. There's enough hands so give the baby a cuddle, will was way less stressful for everyone.

I do housework when baby is asleep or it doesn't get done.

[CoteDAzur]

Put your baby to sleep for the night before you sit down for dinner.

4-month-old babies don't "socialize" with adults at dinner time.

You clearly don't know that much about what is reasonable re babies. If you are not willing to listen to MIL's advice, find yourself some friends with babies of similar age.

[ImNotCute]

Hi OP, I agree your baby needs to be picked up and cuddled, but you don't need yet another person to tell you that!

It can't be easy for you learning to be a mum while living with your PILs, I wouldn't have liked it. But I think this time your mil is right actually. I hope it's not too upsetting to be told this so unanimously by mumsnet. I'm sure you're a good mum, but maybe you should accept eating in shifts is the reality for many with a young baby. You'll all be more relaxed without crying in the background and it won't be like this much longer.

[VodkaJelly]

My DD is 4 months old, when it is dinner time she is put on her play mat and we eat our meals, if she cries I put my dinner down and cuddle her until either DP or one of my other DC's have finished when they can take over and I can finish my cold meal.

My meal is not more important than my DD's happiness. I would never leave her to cry, if she wants attention then she gets it.

If the house is a shit tip, laundry needs doing then it waits until either DP or my DC's get home (they are teenagers) to watch her or I wait till she is asleep.

She likes to sleep in till about 8.30 in the morning so I grab a shower before then. My routine fits round hers, not the other way round.

I actually feel sorry for your baby.

[BabbleBitch]

Last night when you spent the whole night crying did your DH ignore you and put you in another room and not give you the attention you wanted? You seem to think that it is ok to do that to your DS!

[Thumbtack]

Agree with everyone really hope you read the thread and not run away upset. Please pick your baby up with crying

[aufaniae]

There is no way I could leave my baby to cry while eating! If he's crying for a cuddle then he needs a cuddle. Please, cuddle him!

"So many people seriously don't leave their baby to cry? Unless you all have maids, I can't see how you would be able to shower, cook food, do the laundry etc."

Shower: When Ds was litt;e I put the baby in the bouncy chair, in the bathroom so I can keep watch while I wash (quickly!).

Cook: DP does main meals. If I have to cook it's easy, quick stuff (3 minute pasta parcels & ready made sauce) which I try to do while the baby sleeps.

Eating: I eat, quickly while holding the baby more often than not. I often eat cold dinner. I don't mind, it's not forever!

Tea: I don't make myself tea if no one else about. When DS was small, I never managed to drink a tea while anything more than lukewarm, for about 5 months! Again, I didn't mind, it's only a short time in the scheme of things. I've managed a few already with DD (2 weeks old) so I must be getting better at multitasking!

Laundry: Do it while DD sleeps. Also have machine with timer, can put it on late at night, timed to start in the morning.

FWIW I don't think you're a terrible mother! But you do need to rethink this Why do you think that your baby asking for a cuddle should be ignored? Haven't you ever felt like you need a cuddle?

[BuntyCollocks]

YABU. My dd is 4 months and no way could I leave her to cry. So what if he wants a cuddle? I never left DS to cry either, and at 2, he's a happy, well adjusted, independent little boy.

[KentuckyFriedChildren]

I really hope you are listening to us OP. Not one person has said that yaNbu, and with good reason. If there is another issue here and you feel disconnected from your baby or something then please get help. Otherwise, please just take the advice you have been given. Yes we may all find it hard not to judge, but we really are trying to help and so is your MIL.

[thegreylady]

Agree exactly with LookingForward-your baby will soon learn that no one will respond when he cries-what a bitter lesson at only four months old :(
I have eaten meals with a baby on my lap and done housework with a grandchild in a sling.I don't think I went to the loo alone for years unless the dc/dgc were sleeping.Your poor poor mil her heart must be breaking to see the baby treated like that.

[pickledginger]

If this is genuine, the OP has probably gotten the message now.

[quoteunquote]

FFS pick up your baby.

Do not leave a baby to cry, it is wrong, bad and very very sad.

Fucking hate these threads, who the fuck started the leave your baby to cry thing, fucked up in every sense.

[Meringue33]

There is something seriously wrong with you if you can listen to your baby cry and not be affected? My little boy is also four months, it breaks my heart to hear him cry. Obviously there are times it can't be avoided, eg when I am driving. Having my dinner or doing the laundry does not take priority over comforting my crying child!! I do those things when he is either asleep, or awake and happy playing/ interacting.

[EasilyBored]

Soppy moment - when he is a toddler and just wants to run around on his own, you will look back and relish every single cuddle and snuggle, even though at the time you just wanted half an hour to yourself.

[BuntyCollocks]

So many people seriously don't leave their baby to cry? Unless you all have maids, I can't see how you would be able to shower, cook food, do the laundry etc.

I shower either at night when DH is there, when she's sleeping, or with her in her bouncer or bumbo as she likes to watch and listen to me sing badly

I cook at night. Lunches are something quick and easy that can be whipped in a microwave, or a sandwich. Slow cookers are your friend. Baby's naps are your friend.

Laundry - when she's sleeping. At the weekend. At night.

Think you're trying to make this out to be harder than it is.