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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie to the church about our godparents?

368 replies

bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 15:25

We're having our child christened, mostly at the insistence of our parents, but also because it's a nice day and (I suspect) it means more to DH than he is letting on.

I got the paperwork to fill in today and 'godparents' have to be christened with at least one being confirmed.

Even though I'm not sure what I believe, choosing godparents is still important to me as people who will be there for our children should anything happen to us... But out of our two best couple friends (one being my sibling and his wife, and the other being best friends of ours for 20 years) only one is christened. (and confirmed)

I don't want to have to choose other people just because they are christened. I want to choose the very best people for my child in the future. (plus I know that they all really want to do it and would be amazing.)

So AIBU to just tick 'christened' even though they aren't? And what are the chances of being caught out?

OP posts:
Original poster
bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 16:17

Wishiwasanheiress - it's got nothing to do with school. At all.

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 03/05/2013 16:17

You would not dare to go into a mosque or a synagogue and do this. You'd have more respect for those organisations.

CSIJanner · 03/05/2013 16:18

YABU to lie.

A long as at least one is christened and confirmed then there should be no problem with any of your Godparents. Tell the truth - the vicar/priest won't care as long as one fulfills the criteria and will trust your judgement on the characters of the others.

However, you are making a mockery of faith by just treating as a nice day. Did the priest/vicar warn you that you will need to attend baptismal classes? It's just the one so that you can reflect on the meaning of being christened as the day is a blur. If you don't believe and just want a day of celebration, then have one. If its important to your DH and it has meaning for him, send him to the classes. But don't have your child christened to keep face and appearances. If it has no meaning for you, have you looked at the humanist society? I went to a fab celebration and naming ceremony where it was clearly stated that the child could make their own mind later in life with their godparents equivalent guidence.

Original poster
bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 16:18

It's actually not a question of the christening at all by the way, just of the godparents being able to be who I choose rather than who I'm forced to have.

OP posts:
TheToysAreALIVEITellThee · 03/05/2013 16:19

Op, not really. I wasn't asked to provide proof and I've been a gp many times. How would one prove it anyway? I think I'm the only person I know who actually still has my christening certificate.

Original poster
bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 16:20

Hiddenhome - why wouldn't I?? If she was being welcomed into one of those religions instead I'd be asking the same question but with slightly different words. How is it different??

OP posts:
thepig · 03/05/2013 16:20

hidden...there are lots of attitudes in this thread. Which people are you making your big generalisation about?

OutragedFromLeeds · 03/05/2013 16:21

hidden there are Muslims and Jews who go along with religious ceremonies to please their parents. It's not just a Christian thing.

ChocsAwayInMyGob · 03/05/2013 16:21

it's about making people happy, which I'm more than willing to do, I'd just like to have the godparents I want as well.

The church is not there to give you and your mates a nice day and nice photos. The Christening is about promising to raise your child as a Christian with Christian Godparents who also pledge to do the same.

If you're not Christian, you don't want to raise your child as a Christian, you don't want the Godparents to be Christians, and have little intention of ever setting foot in the church again, then why on earth are you doing it?

You just want to choose your favourite mates! It's not like choosing bridesmaids you know!

JugglingFromHereToThere · 03/05/2013 16:22

Well maybe the church could be a bit more generous and less demanding too hey hiddenhome? I think the parents should be able to choose whichever godparents they like

hiddenhome · 03/05/2013 16:23

Don't try to dress this up as anything other that what it is - a pathetic, hypocritical stunt and an excuse to have a party and placate some grandparents Hmm

I expect you'll all be wearing your best frocks and some silly headgear just to complete the picture. I've seen it all before.

LittleDirewolfBitJoffrey · 03/05/2013 16:23

I think having a Christening to please other people is ridiculous. What if your child grows up and eshews religion or that religion and resents you for making the choice for them? (as has happened with people I know).

YABU to do this and not do it properly, too.

Have a naming or thanksgiving ceremony where you can be honest and be done with it. But don't lie to have something done to appease other people.

Maxium12 · 03/05/2013 16:23

Really what the OP wants to know is:

'what are the chances of me being found out if I lie to the vicar'?

Leafmould · 03/05/2013 16:23

Hello.

I think that this ceremony is not for you. It is other members of the family who Want and need it. Therefore they are the ones who should be making these decisions, not you.

What do your family members think about lying about the religious status of your proposed godparents?

Have you discussed this aspect with them?

hiddenhome · 03/05/2013 16:24

Less demanding?

Do you even realise that a godparent is supposed to be a baptised Christian?

Laughable.

Original poster
bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 16:24

Chocsaway - it is to me.

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 03/05/2013 16:25

Oh, yes, and don't forget the awful silver plated picture frames and little boxes Wink

WWJD? Knock your bloody heads together I would think.

StuntGirl · 03/05/2013 16:25

You're mixing up godparents with guardians.

Godparents are their to see to the spiritual and religious upbringing of your child in the Christian faith which you are having your child baptised into.

Have a naming ceremony, pick whoever you like, and don't make a mockery of anyone else's faith.

ChocsAwayInMyGob · 03/05/2013 16:26

Sorry OP, are you saying that choosing Godparents IS like choosing bridesmaids?

Original poster
bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 16:27

Hidden home - I imagine I'll probably wear a hat, yes.

And as to your question 'Do you even realise that a godparent is supposed to be a baptised Christian?' did you even read my OP?? Of course I do! That's what my whole question is based on. resists urge to say 'duh!'

OP posts:
WildlingPrincess · 03/05/2013 16:27

I blagged it. They didn't check! My daughters Godfather is an unbaptised Homosexual Grin

Floggingmolly · 03/05/2013 16:27

The church could be less demanding. Why? Hmm. It's a Christening, so no, you can't "choose whatever you like". Bloody hell...

Original poster
bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 16:28

Stuntgirl - I'm not mixing them up. I just want them to be the same people for us.

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 03/05/2013 16:28

You are making a complete mockery of my (and others) faith. You are going to lie.

ChocsAwayInMyGob · 03/05/2013 16:28

I think the parents should be able to choose whichever godparents they like

I think if you're using the church for your Christening Day, then you need to understand the ceremony, not just ask your bessie mates who have no intention of even setting foot inside a church after the day is done.

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