Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 ··· 14 15

AIBU?

To lie to the church about our godparents?

368 replies

bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 15:25

We're having our child christened, mostly at the insistence of our parents, but also because it's a nice day and (I suspect) it means more to DH than he is letting on.

I got the paperwork to fill in today and 'godparents' have to be christened with at least one being confirmed.

Even though I'm not sure what I believe, choosing godparents is still important to me as people who will be there for our children should anything happen to us... But out of our two best couple friends (one being my sibling and his wife, and the other being best friends of ours for 20 years) only one is christened. (and confirmed)

I don't want to have to choose other people just because they are christened. I want to choose the very best people for my child in the future. (plus I know that they all really want to do it and would be amazing.)

So AIBU to just tick 'christened' even though they aren't? And what are the chances of being caught out?

OP posts:

Report

SantanaLopez · 03/05/2013 16:47

Just catchment areas up here. You can make a placing request if you want to go to a certain other school, but they are really rare (in our neck of the woods anyway).

bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 16:49

Maxium12 - im sorry if this is offending you, but I legitimately wanted to ask a question. I'm getting her christened regardless, but would it make you less insulting if I told you that one of our godparents is confirmed and extremely religious?? Because that's true. Would it make you feel better that my parents and in laws also are? And that my DH wants her christened as its important to him? Just because I don't necessarily believe shouldn't ruin it for everybody else.

OP posts:

JugglingFromHereToThere · 03/05/2013 16:49

I just think the issues are quite similar to the faith school questions, but sorry to derail slightly OP.

catsrus · 03/05/2013 16:50

lol at the logic outraged!

if the faith schools were not faith schools they would just be the same as all other schools - right?

if they were the same as all other schools then there wouldn't be the pressure to get into them.

people might want to consider what are the factors which make FAITH schools more attractive? if you take the FAITH out of faith schools you lose some very good schools.

and my dcs didn't go to a faith school, nor were they baptised.

ErrorError · 03/05/2013 16:50

I know a very religious Christian family who had a blessing ceremony for each of their 2 DC. Not as formal as a baptism either. Their reasoning was that they wanted their children to make their own decisions when they were old enough. Could that be a reasonable compromise? Anyway OP says the Christening will go ahead so that's by the by.

Another friend had their DC Christened and had a very understanding vicar who even said he didn't expect parents to attend church these days, and a lot of Christenings happen because it's tradition, regardless of strength of faith. Very progressive thinking vicar IMO, and clearly knows how difficult it is to attract people to church. I think some people are being a bit harsh to say OP is making a mockery of the faith. I think now you shouldn't lie, but if vicar is not accommodating then that's another issue. I don't know many Godparents who attend church regularly. I was probably brought up more religious that most of them! As long as OP is respectful of the proceedings I see no problem, what bothers me is when some people say "I'm getting them done" and then go have a piss up.

But for those suggesting it must be a solemn occasion or OP is not taking it seriously... eh, of course it's going to be a nice day for a party afterwards. Christenings shouldn't be only about God. They are also a time for family reunions, and celebration, and welcoming a new baby into the community.

OutragedFromLeeds · 03/05/2013 16:51

Santana we just have catchment areas here unless it's a faith school, where you need to be (or pretend to be) the faith of the school.

ConferencePear · 03/05/2013 16:52

Outraged it would be the parents who told the lie not the grandparents.
As for faith school, I would abolish them all. For those who want it religion should be taught at home.

Viviennemary · 03/05/2013 16:52

Choose a different church if you don't like the rules. I can see why a Godparent has to be baptised but can't see why they must be confirmed.

TerrysAllGold · 03/05/2013 16:53

"I see the obvious ethical question... and if you're very religious then it must seem an awful question to ask..."

I'm an Athiest and even so it seems an awful question to ask.

If you want someone to care for your child should the worst befall you, make a will. If you want a party, have a party. If you want to please your parents when you're of an age to be married and have a child, grow a backbone and a bit of independence.

Sorry but those who take the rise out of others' religions and use them just when it suits really rile me. It's hypocritical, insulting and just not nice. And of all the people to tell lies to and take advantage of I'd have thought that decency suggests that a priest would be the last to try it on with.

SantanaLopez · 03/05/2013 16:53

Does it depend on the area? I've been reading a few threads on here where there are 1st and 2nd choices, siblings already at the school, distance and so on.

Sorry for derailing

Maxium12 · 03/05/2013 16:53

Bumblebee I said in my frst post that if it was because your DH wanted it that was fine.

You made a comment about hats.

bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 16:54

Terrysallgold - do you have a Christmas tree? Give presents? (now you'll say you don't and you'll be lying.)

OP posts:

Sirzy · 03/05/2013 16:56

All godparents should be Christian. I don't see why you struggle to understand why the church wants that

bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 16:57

Maxium - I made a comment about hats in answer to something that was asked to me.

OP posts:

bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 16:58

Sirzy - I don't struggle to understand - in fact, I've made it plain that I completely understand that. That's why I plan to lie about it???

OP posts:

Sirzy · 03/05/2013 16:59

So you don't understand it then or you wouldn't be considering lying

SantanaLopez · 03/05/2013 16:59

What was the point of this thread if you are going to lie anyway?

OutragedFromLeeds · 03/05/2013 16:59

catsrus for some (maybe many) people their nearest school or two schools are faith schools. The third nearest school is over subsrcibed and as they're out of catchment they don't get in. It's not really to do with a faith school being better, just nearer.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 03/05/2013 17:00

I think we all engage with the world around us as we see best Terrys

It's easy to say that people are acting hypocritically in a certain situation but I find it's often a case of take the plank out of your own eye and then you'll be able to see better to take the speck out of someone else's.

Or to put it another way, it's hard to act perfectly in an imperfect world.

bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 17:00

Sirzy - what exactly don't you get?

OP posts:

Maxium12 · 03/05/2013 17:01

Bumble, the hat comment came across as a rather sarcastic reply to someone who was talking about the party aspect of the day.

If you were not being sarcastic then apologies.

ErrorError · 03/05/2013 17:01

But not being baptized doesn't mean that someone would make a bad choice. I am baptized but not religious and no-one's godparent. If I was ever asked, should I refuse on the grounds of my beliefs even though in the church's eyes I am 'qualified' by a certificate made for me when I was too young to understand its implications?

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Sirzy · 03/05/2013 17:01

It is you that isn't getting it.

You want to lie about the godparents, therefore you don't understand the importance of godparents being Christian.

OutragedFromLeeds · 03/05/2013 17:02

'people might want to consider what are the factors which make FAITH schools more attractive? if you take the FAITH out of faith schools you lose some very good schools.'

I don't think the faith aspect makes the school any better. I think parents who are motivated enough to lie about their religious state, are also motivated enough to really support the school thus making it a good school. If you took away the faith aspect the school would be just as good (and slightly more broad minded).

thepig · 03/05/2013 17:02

lol at the logic outraged...if you take the FAITH out of faith schools you lose some very good schools.

I probably wouldn't lol at someone elses logic when yours is confused at best.

There are a whole multitude of complex reasons why many faith schools perform well. Just one of which is selection.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 ··· 14 15

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.