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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie to the church about our godparents?

368 replies

bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 15:25

We're having our child christened, mostly at the insistence of our parents, but also because it's a nice day and (I suspect) it means more to DH than he is letting on.

I got the paperwork to fill in today and 'godparents' have to be christened with at least one being confirmed.

Even though I'm not sure what I believe, choosing godparents is still important to me as people who will be there for our children should anything happen to us... But out of our two best couple friends (one being my sibling and his wife, and the other being best friends of ours for 20 years) only one is christened. (and confirmed)

I don't want to have to choose other people just because they are christened. I want to choose the very best people for my child in the future. (plus I know that they all really want to do it and would be amazing.)

So AIBU to just tick 'christened' even though they aren't? And what are the chances of being caught out?

OP posts:
momb · 03/05/2013 15:56

YABVU. I think it would be wrong and unfair of you to take the p**s out of a community of people because you don't share their faith, which you would be doing if you had your child christened and lied on the forms. It might be for show for you and your OH, but for your in-laws, the congregation and particularly the priest it isn't actually just a joke. If you want a party just have one.

That said, the friend I asked to be YD's godmother wasn't christened so the vicar christened her the week before YD. An adult baptism is the same as a confirmation (you don't need to confirm something you've already promised as an adult). So if your chosen Godparents want to be christened, they could be.

TobyLerone · 03/05/2013 15:56

YABU

If you don't really want your child christened, and you want to pick "special people" who are not themselves Christians, then it seems rather silly to have a christening.

This.

IsItMeOr · 03/05/2013 15:57

Snowflakepie wow, nice judgement there.

There's nothing faux about a non-religious naming ceremony, except in your head.

The religiously active members of our families, who know about our atheist viewsm were also the most vocal in saying how much more personal DS's ceremony was than a church baptism.

K8Middleton · 03/05/2013 15:57

My idea of a nice day is lots of delicious food and drink and some good friends to share it with. Pledging allegiance for me and my child to a deity and organisation I don't believe in, telling a few lies and pretending to talk to a god I don't believe in... well it's not really up there on my Nice Things To Do list.

If you're going to do it, just do it. You think it's bollocks, I agree it's bollocks and you're ok with being a hypocrite so don't sweat it any more.

zzzzz · 03/05/2013 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cloverer · 03/05/2013 15:58

It's not against the law, you're unlikely to get caught, and you don't believe in god - so why worry about it?

JugglingFromHereToThere · 03/05/2013 16:00

I reckon they're just trying to get more of the adults to sign up for a christening with the carrot of becoming godparents. Cynical, yes I know Hmm

hiddenhome · 03/05/2013 16:00

What you are planning is totally hypocritical Sad

You should just have a naming ceremony. You have absolutely no intention of raising your child as a Christian. People who do things like this make me sick.

Soupa · 03/05/2013 16:00

My dad lives and breathes church. I am atheist. I don't like to rub it in, it will be a source of great sadness that I don't practice faith.

In an absence of belief I can't take a baptism seriously but I do take seriously the hurt choosing not to baptism would cause my dad. Thus we baptism, we have 'fake' godparents and no intention of bring our children up in faith.

Most priests, and I know plenty, would be happy to have started your child out on a faith journey that they may choose to complete later.

Wishiwasanheiress · 03/05/2013 16:01

Isn't this a humanist type service? Not Christian?

Neither of u appears to have much belief. Your prepared to lie to ur guests, dcs, vicar as to the religious background of your prospective gps. Your asking ur GPS to lie to, keep quiet.

The point of a christening is to be brought up in that faith. If there's bugger all chance of that, save ur pennies!

Seriously. You wouldn't hear a Jewish, Muslim or other faith ask such questions. Why do u feel its ok to ask this of Christians?

SacreBlue · 03/05/2013 16:02

I am not a follower of religion and took the (whatever line it is about) point of looking after their religious welfare seriously in so much as I would encourage them to think for themselves when I was made godmother

As for looking after them in the event of something awful happening, I would do that because they are family.

For my own DS I have made clear my expectations - with agreement of those involved - as to his upbringing should anything happen to me.

OutragedFromLeeds · 03/05/2013 16:02

'People who do things like this make me sick.'

You must be ill a lot of the time!

thepig · 03/05/2013 16:04

Why not do what's best for your child, rather than what's best for your parents/inlaws?

Starting your child's life with a lie and a sham ceremony seems a little bizarre imo.

OutragedFromLeeds · 03/05/2013 16:06

' You wouldn't hear a Jewish, Muslim or other faith ask such questions. Why do u feel its ok to ask this of Christians?'

I don't think that's true. I have Muslim, Hindu and Sikh friends who although not religious themeselves had their wedding/are bringing up their children etc a certain way to please their parents/grandparents.

MrsBungle · 03/05/2013 16:07

My SIL lied to her vicar that I was christened when I was godmother to my DN. I was uncomfortable and was worried in case anyone asked me as I was not going to lie.

It was very important to SIL that DN was christened although she has only set foot in church in the last 5 years to get married and get her boys christened

Szeli · 03/05/2013 16:07

Why oh why would you do this. It takes the mick really.

By the by... Forms? Is this just a Catholic thing? All my vicar asked for was my godparents names but I'm c of e...

Maxium12 · 03/05/2013 16:07

YABU to have your child christened if you are not religious. If you are prepared to do that why worry about lying on a form?

If you suspect it means a lot to your DH then that's fine, but don't do it just because it's a 'nice day'.

As suggested as naming day could be the way to go.

FairPhyllis · 03/05/2013 16:08

Do you know what a godparent promises in the ceremony, OP? They make the baptismal promises on behalf of the child. That's why it's inappropriate for them not to be baptised. They will have to say that they reject the devil and evil, and that they turn, come and submit to Christ. They will also have to promise to pray for the children and help them play a part in the life of the Church. They are meant to be able to commit to giving them spiritual guidance that is specifically Christian.

You could have a service of Thanksgiving instead - perhaps that would placate the GPs?

JugglingFromHereToThere · 03/05/2013 16:08

It's just a form.
How many forms do you ever get through without lying at some point ... for example "I have read the terms and conditions" Oh yeh ?

The GPs will probably be lying more during the service too ...

"promising to fight manfully against sin, the world, and the devil"
Do you believe in the devil ?
I expect over half of godparents don't in the 21st century.

And I'd be more interested in integrity at this point rather than on the form regarding whether they were christened as babies.

Original poster
bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 16:12

Szeli - it's c of e. They emailed me forms when they booked the date.

OP posts:
TheToysAreALIVEITellThee · 03/05/2013 16:12

Yanbu. I'm not religious but will have to get both dc christened because of school and will have this issue, ill also be telling a little white lie about the gps

Original poster
bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 16:14

Toys - are you worried they'll ask for proof?

OP posts:
Wishiwasanheiress · 03/05/2013 16:16

The christening is usually part of the main church service as you are joining the church. You are welcomed into the arms of the congregation.

This is wider than your own prospective group. So, I'm not bu to ask why the op feels its ok to lie to people who do take this faith seriously. People treat other faiths with more respect but treat Christianity as if its of no relevance. That's just rude.

hiddenhome · 03/05/2013 16:16

Disgusting attitudes some of you have Hmm

I bet you're the sort of people who pour scorn on people who do take their faith seriously.

Wishiwasanheiress · 03/05/2013 16:16

Go to a different school?