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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie to the church about our godparents?

368 replies

bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 15:25

We're having our child christened, mostly at the insistence of our parents, but also because it's a nice day and (I suspect) it means more to DH than he is letting on.

I got the paperwork to fill in today and 'godparents' have to be christened with at least one being confirmed.

Even though I'm not sure what I believe, choosing godparents is still important to me as people who will be there for our children should anything happen to us... But out of our two best couple friends (one being my sibling and his wife, and the other being best friends of ours for 20 years) only one is christened. (and confirmed)

I don't want to have to choose other people just because they are christened. I want to choose the very best people for my child in the future. (plus I know that they all really want to do it and would be amazing.)

So AIBU to just tick 'christened' even though they aren't? And what are the chances of being caught out?

OP posts:
DeskPlanner · 03/05/2013 22:40

Your last post op, is fucking unbelievable. Have a lovely day. I hope your happy about telling lies to the church. Really don't get why you have wasted your and everyone else's time. You ask AIBU, most people say, you are and you don't give a fuck.

Maxium12 · 03/05/2013 22:44

Bumble,

Posters who have disagreed with you are self righteous, why ask AIBU?

It tends to elicit a reply with an opinion.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii · 03/05/2013 23:00

I am not self righteous, I am not religeous but I still wouldn't lie in this situation.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 03/05/2013 23:07

Same here. I dont do religion. had it forced down my throat as a child But I wouldnt belittle other persons beliefs, which is basically what you are doing. There more than one religion in my family. DCs were not christened, but can decide for themselves when they are old enough. I wouldnt have gone through a ceremony just to please people and I wouldnt lie. Its disrespectful.

cumfy · 03/05/2013 23:17

Wouldn't it just be easier to lie and say they'd been Christened when they hadn't ?

Same result and a lot cheaper.Wink

cumfy · 03/05/2013 23:22

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Groucho Marx

MeSoFunny · 03/05/2013 23:38

OP YANBU.

MeSoFunny · 03/05/2013 23:41

Speaking as an atheist christened godparent.... :-D believe me, I will be guiding my charge's religious education.

Littlehousesomewhere · 03/05/2013 23:55

Yabu

Why have a christening? Sounds like you just want a ceremony to welcome your baby formally. Why don't you arrange a secular one yourselves and have a secular ceremony followed by a party

Yab very disrespectful of actual Christians and their ceremonies and traditions by having one and lying about it.

You are also being deceptive and using the church's building, facilities and staff members for free (or very cheap) for your own interests.

I don't understand this at all and I don't understand why others don't think it is unreasonable as well.

Littlehousesomewhere · 04/05/2013 00:09

Just read the rest of the thread and can see that you will go ahead with lying and disrespecting a religious belief.

Have come to the conclusion that you just must be very lazy as well as rude if you won't bother arranging your own secular naming ceremony. I have been to a couple and they have been lovely occasions and I really respect the fact that the parents took so much care and time in arranging them.

I really think that with this attitude churches do need to make it standard to ask for proof and also for proof that all parties (at least one parent and all godparents) are practicing Christians as well.

ShadowStorm · 04/05/2013 00:21

YABU to lie about it. IMO it makes a mockery of the whole christening.

The whole point of a godparent is having someone who will encourage and support your child to develop their faith.

It's not about having someone who will be there for your children should anything happen to you. That role is for whoever you nominate as legal guardians in your will.

If you're confident that the people you want as godparents are the best people to encourage and support your child in developing their religious faith, then I'd suggest that you talk to the vicar, explain the situation, and see if there's a way to work around this. Perhaps the potential godparents could be christened as part of your child's christening ceremony?

But whether you get caught out in your lie will probably depend on the church and vicar involved. Some will be more diligent than others about asking for proof.

SacreBlue · 04/05/2013 01:37

It depends how fundamentalist you are, if you aren't, as the OPost would suggest, I don't think it matters. If the vicar is a bit full on maybe he/she will care but all bar one of the ministers I know (ok i only know 4 but..) wouldn't care one whit and would be happy that you picked someone who loved you and your DC

I wouldn't want to derail or be flamed but in the great scheme of things picking someone who cares about your DC trumps 'lying' about something as subjective as a religion

SacreBlue · 04/05/2013 01:39

wrt to religion, not lying about it, I meant

moreyear · 04/05/2013 02:07

We had to provide details of the godparents baptism - but the priest was fine with one of the godparents not being a Catholic. Indeed as he was fine with father not being Catholic.

I think you are being very unreasonable - at the very least you need to discuss this with your Priest. If your godparents are not religious, and hoping they are not completely tone deaf to the occasion, do you not think they are going to get a bit of a shock when they are asked to renounce satan, or if they need to compose the Prayers of the Faithful?

SacreBlue the ministers you know might have no objections at all if a person is upfront about having nonfaith godparents but do you really think they would be fine with having been lied to about it?

SacreBlue · 04/05/2013 02:22

I don't know more tbh lying about my beliefs never occurred to me esp when others have no problem shoving their beliefs down my throat

And I am sorry if that crossed out bit offends some but am leaving it in because it is true, I live in NI which has an enormous amount of evangelicals who can't abide a different opinion and use that bloody mindedness to batter other people into submission

I do think it's best to talk to the priest/vicar/minister though, lying rarely does anyone any good

Illustrationaddict · 04/05/2013 02:36

It seems a shame that your first choice cannot be considered due to a splash of water and a blessing or two. Makes you wonder if the whole christening business is worth doing at all if those are the required credentials.

SacreBlue · 04/05/2013 02:47

That's an interesting point addict and Blush that I didn't think of it as I never had my DS christened! I don't subscribe to religion so it didn't even occur to me to get it done although DP and family are v religious

That didn't stop me from making arrangements for my DS should something happen to me. I know lots of people who are not v religious at all tho who get it done as a tradition rather than for religious reasons.

Best option so far, to me, is for a chat with the person doing the christening. If they were totally against a non religious person, even if that person was a good moral influence, I would reconsider the whole thing.

Don't most religions promote love and tolerance? even if the practitioners don't follow that

saladcreamwitheverything · 04/05/2013 02:58

Lie, if that's what you want! Church are that desperate to recruit folk these days I doubt they'll look into the crudentials......

mathanxiety · 04/05/2013 03:02

I know a couple who have no interest in religious participation who had their DC baptised RC for various reasons, none of them solidly religious. They chose a large number of godparents and for the purposes of the parish one of this group was baptised and confirmed and that person was one of the two who signed the register to make the whole thing ok for official purposes.

Neither of the parents is a practicing Catholic. One is an atheist. The other is spiritual but not religious iykwim, and not spiritual in a Christian tradition either. I think the attitude of the priest was that an interest in and recognition of the spiritual life of the child was enough, and we are all on a separate, individual journey of faith anyway, with faith not always needing a label, plus where we all are on a particular Saturday morning, church-wise, might not be where we are in ten years -- he was inclined to think that God works in mysterious ways and welcomed everyone warmly, maybe in hopes that the sacrament would have a positive effect on all gathered for the occasion.

Could you choose a large crowd of godparents, making sure one of the people who signs the register fits the criteria?

mathanxiety · 04/05/2013 03:09

I don't understand how you could be contemplating christening if you and DH haven't really talked about something you suspect means more to him than he is letting on, and I also think doing it because of grandparent pressure is iffy. The whole lot of you need to sit down and start doing a bit of listening to each other, with respect.

This entire thing sounds like a scenario that is the opposite of what any self respecting church would want as a foundation for baptism.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen · 04/05/2013 03:33

I can't imagine your DH and in laws faith is that strong if they're comfortable lying to the church? Confused

I think you are being massively unreasonable, but IMO it's your husband who is the hypocrite and who I have serious issues with. To have such a deep faith and mock the church is just... Well, hypocritical.

So I guess I should say I don't think you are being unreasonable as you don't believe, but the rest of your family are the sort of people who make me deeply uncomfortable, and they are BU.

sashh · 04/05/2013 03:59

choosing godparents is still important to me as people who will be there for our children should anything happen to us

Which is completely ridiculous, god parents are supposed to look after the spiritual upbringing of the child, not take them on if you die.

Soloution

Get friend who is not christened and a glass of water.

I baptise thee in the name of the father (pour a bit of water over their head) and of the son (pour a bit more) and of the holy spirit (pour a bit more)

friend is then baptised, no problem

aurynne · 04/05/2013 04:00

I am not religious and couldn't care less about godparents... However, if you believe in God... shouldn't you be much more worried about lying to God in order to have "a nice day", instead of lying to a priest and not get caught? Talk about hypocrisy!

Kafri · 04/05/2013 06:11

I cant understand why people get their child christened if they have no intention of raising their child in the church community. after all, that's what the baptismal vows are saying you'll do.

anyway, you're gonna be lying in church when you make those vows if you have no intention of taking child to church so why worry about lying on the forms??

you go ahead and book your 'nice day' albeit based on loes and who know - maybe further down the line you could use that lie to get dc into a school of your choice!!

if you dont believe in the religious aspects of a christening, then why bother? (of yeah, I forgot, its a nice day).

Samnella · 04/05/2013 06:30

School.

Is that the motive?

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