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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To stop DP going on lads holiday???

368 replies

MummytobeDC2 · 01/05/2013 12:49

DP and I are in our twenties, and I am 13+5 pregnant, due in November. His friends have decided to book a weeks holiday end of August, start of Sept... DP asked if I would mind him going and I said yes as il be 7months gone I have DS to previous relationship so will need the help and money etc... He got upset etc and made me feel exceptionally guilty. So me being me said he should go for a long weekend and come home before his friends, stay 3nights, that way we are both happy! His mother advised us "he should go as it will be his last" and he keeps repeating that now complaining after agreeing to the long weekend he wants to go for the week!

First of all I will be 7months, I have DS I need help with and the money would benefit the baby, flights and accommodation are costing £300 and spending money, well, at least 2weeks wages! We are far from flush!

AIBUR????

Please tell me I'm not insane? Shock

OP posts:
Oblomov · 01/05/2013 17:26

Op, OTT?
Err, I was backing you UP !!!
But I said I think he should be allowed to go.

How was my poost OTT?
I was posting to those who hasd bought up the issue of cheating. I was BACKING YOU UP. saying that I thought that cheating had nothing to do with it.

Coor, blimey. I wish I hadn't bothered.

GoingUpInTheWorld · 01/05/2013 17:27

Op and after your last post about you wouldnt have the opportunity to spend that money on a holiday then i dont think he should have that oportunity either.

It sounds like hes going to get a big shock when he settles into family life.

Tell him he isnt going and that final, if he doesnt like it and takes the huff, well its tough, you cant go swanning off when you feel like it when you have a pregnant partner.

GoingUpInTheWorld · 01/05/2013 17:31

Oblo

This is alot of money here, not just a couple of quid.

£1500 on a holiday when you have a baby on the way is a huge amount of money.

Its not as if they are disagreeing over a few quid, you can do so much more with that money, its an awful lot to spend on yourself when you have a family to support and you arent exactly flush.

seriouscakeeater · 01/05/2013 17:32

Hmm there is a lads holiday every year lol ahhh the poor DP needs to get out as much as he can before the baby comes and ruins his life..noooooooo!

Op isn't 7 months YET! read the firiggin thread!!

shrieking at the thought that woman don't need their men till they are actually giving birth (probably whilst they are squatting in the fields whist digging for spuds,like some of the other hard core MNers)

Hmm my DH could have gotten away with not doing a million foot/back rubs/cuddles/ going down stairs for my gaviscon in the night Helping me to physio, helping me do my physio, scans, worrying when ive not felt baby move all day, getting me from work when I had a trapped nerve and couldn't get up ect hell I've run that man ragged!

Op I think you have got the gist of peoples opinions, id leave this now and go over to the pregnancy forum as you will get random morons still piping up with their infinite wisdom.....

Original poster
MummytobeDC2 · 01/05/2013 17:36

Oblo you missed all my points, you advised I should let him go and that I'm ONLY 7months, hardly backing me? Anyway I don't mean to offend people, some have came on without reading properly and of the mark expect that I'm controlling, unreasonable and untrusting! I do not have any of the above issues and I do know this is for people to pass opinions but if anyone would like to pass them I would appreciate it was well informed and people read ALL the post properly.

I am very reasonable and feel relationships should be equal.

Sad
OP posts:
StuntGirl · 01/05/2013 17:37

Do you have joint accounts?

seriouscakeeater · 01/05/2013 17:41

oblo you have completely missed the point, they haven't got a lot of money...maybe that money would be better off spent on...baby things as a baby is on the way....

Its wonderful you are so liberal and cool but op could do with money right about now....as there is a baby on the way...

going I'm there with shoes/socks and car. DH call me the crane when im getting out of car..I think I look more like a spider, legs and arms come out first. Dh really pinches my feet when putting socks on..Angry

TheCraicDealer · 01/05/2013 17:43

Aside from the fact that you'll be heavily pregnant (which I personally do feel is a good point against going) and the money issue, what's going to happen this time next year when they start talking about booking their 2014 trip? You still won't have been able to go away as a family, due in part to him spunking £1,500 on a holiday for himself a year before, and he won't understand why he can't do it again.

It would be different if finances allowed both parties to go on as many jollies as they want. But they don't.

Original poster
MummytobeDC2 · 01/05/2013 17:46

Stuntgirl - no we do not, although due to me being better with money I hold both cards to ensure payment of bills on time and I do all food shops etc I also earn more than my DP, which I do not at all hold against the holiday, if baby wasn't coming it would be a completely diff story

OP posts:
seriouscakeeater · 01/05/2013 17:46

Cheer up mummy pregnancy hormones are hideous at the best of time don't let people who don't even know you make you feel worse. IABU is a tough crowd, not every one is like that.

Tell DP he isn't going you need that money for, pram, car seat, cot, moses basket ect.. not this time sunshine, next year!

Flowers right I'm of for a bath as I'm having some serious BH and gonna get on ball and bounce this baby out! 39 w and 3 days! good luck

Original poster
MummytobeDC2 · 01/05/2013 17:49

Thank you for your kindness and backing up seriouscakeeater! It's a doggy dog world on here Grin

Oh wow so your ready to go! I had very bad BH with DS ConfusedI feel your pain Envy

All the best and congratulations ThanksThanks

OP posts:
Oblomov · 01/05/2013 17:59

Accomodation costs £300.
Total price is £1500.

I am sure, if he wanted to go, for the compromised 3 nights, he can cut down on the amount of clothes he buys (my dh and i have plenty of summer clothes from last summer (don't you?) - er yes, that summer that lasted about 3 days- and so he could agree not to spend anything.
Insurance. can be cheap, privately, if only for a few days. And you can log online and get the form, the old E11 thingy, for free, for all EU states.
How much spending money doe he need for 3 days. Not that much, if he makes the effort. I bet Op could get him to agree to take less, if that is all budget will allow.
I am sure this can be done.
It could cost alot less than £1500.

Original poster
MummytobeDC2 · 01/05/2013 18:05

Oblo, ok, PLEASE READ OTHER COMMENTS. Once again missing the points and not reading the facts

he for one, is not willing to go for just 3days he is disagreeing with my compromise. As said in OP.

Wink
OP posts:
10storeylovesong · 01/05/2013 18:34

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

Oblomov · 01/05/2013 18:44

Have read every post. But my posts are being met with such .......that my input is clearly not welcome.

Chewmebush · 01/05/2013 18:47

Don't want to put a dampner on things but my DH went on a works trip when I was only 11 weeks pregnant. Not only did he not ring me once whilst there I had hyperemesis and 3 other dc's to look after. I then had a mmc. That would have been DH first child. I will never forgive or forget. You are definitely not being unreasonable.

Original poster
MummytobeDC2 · 01/05/2013 18:51

Chewmebush - I am so sorry this happened to you SadEnvy

This just is another point that it isn't very much acceptable.

He i bet can never forgive himself? And no wonder, you must have been very hurt.

EnvyEnvyThanksThanksThanks

OP posts:
sukysue · 01/05/2013 19:04

I would bloody kill mine if he wanted to go with his mates and I was heavily preggas ! How old is he ffs? He's like a boo boo babbling tsk tsk.
yadnbu op.

TheOrchardKeeper · 01/05/2013 19:08

Everyone's comments about you being pregnant not being an issue here are not taking into consideration that something may happen at this stage (good or bad) & that he, as a dad to be, should be there in case.

Have you asked him what he'd do in that case? Will he always be contactable if he goes etc? if he's not prepared to be responsible then I'd be worried about the next few months in general...

Have an imaginary Wine & a back up from me Smile

TheOrchardKeeper · 01/05/2013 19:10

(and yes, this may be fantabulous for others but it's an issue for you, it's not unreasonable & he should stop being so stubborn for the sake of it. You suggested a compromise & you are not policing the man FGS. Wasn't going to post but you've been harshly flamed so felt it needed balancing out)!

Chewmebush · 01/05/2013 19:13

Thanks mummy. People seem to think being pregnant is a breeze. Even if it is and your pregnancy is stress and problem free your OH should want to love and care for you and be making life as easy as possible for you. Back and foot rubs and 2am pizza cravings. You are creating a life, growing a little person inside your amazing body. It should not be taken for granted and the blaise attitude of some people fucks me right off.Smile

TheOrchardKeeper · 01/05/2013 19:17

^ I find it hard to believe that people who had easy pregnancies understand just how shit it is towards the end, if it's been a rough ride or if you're just not coping that well.

yes, you can pull your socks up & get on with it alone, but only if you have to.

Why be a martyr when you don't have to be?

Each to their own I guess but it's making you feel pretty peeved & that should count in the decision IMO...

Original poster
MummytobeDC2 · 01/05/2013 19:28

Theorchardkeeper - I agree with you completely why should I cope alone when I don't have to? Pregnancy for me is a massive thing and should not be done on my own when it doesn't have to be, financially, emotionally and physically I would need him here. End of. I reckon some of these women are immortal the way they go on lol.

As I said we are twenties and I think his priorities may be all wrong with this situation, when he was in Ibiza an Tenerife last year he was only available when he wanted to be, ie take his phone out with him or back in hotel room, so if an emergency was to come up how the hell will I get him? And how will he get home? Fact is he won't, will he.... Oh what a drama, last thing I want.

Thanks for your comments and defence I very much appreciate it! I felt almost bullied on my own post earlier due to miss informed wonder women lol ThanksThanksThanks

OP posts:
Chunderella · 01/05/2013 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chewmebush · 01/05/2013 19:36

Mummy - you need to be perfectly happy with the outcome of this dilemma because things like this can eat away at a relationship. If you feel that you have had concede unfairly at such an important time in your life things may never get back onto an even keel. I would hate for you to always resent your DP for this and it destroy your relationship in the future.