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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To stop DP going on lads holiday???

368 replies

MummytobeDC2 · 01/05/2013 12:49

DP and I are in our twenties, and I am 13+5 pregnant, due in November. His friends have decided to book a weeks holiday end of August, start of Sept... DP asked if I would mind him going and I said yes as il be 7months gone I have DS to previous relationship so will need the help and money etc... He got upset etc and made me feel exceptionally guilty. So me being me said he should go for a long weekend and come home before his friends, stay 3nights, that way we are both happy! His mother advised us "he should go as it will be his last" and he keeps repeating that now complaining after agreeing to the long weekend he wants to go for the week!

First of all I will be 7months, I have DS I need help with and the money would benefit the baby, flights and accommodation are costing £300 and spending money, well, at least 2weeks wages! We are far from flush!

AIBUR????

Please tell me I'm not insane? Shock

OP posts:
seriouscakeeater · 01/05/2013 20:46

Glad to see some support on here at last!!

oblo the fact you still are trying to work a payment plan out for op's DP is just...bizarre. So no, your comments are not being taken seriously.

thanks mummy sooo fed up now - every thing is ready, just need the bloody baby Grin

TheOrchardKeeper · 01/05/2013 20:50

(P.S congrats & good luck to SCE ) Smile Thanks

HollyBerryBush · 01/05/2013 20:59

I have DS to previous relationship so will need the help and money

Does your ex pay for his child? or is your current DP supporting the child?

I have to be brutally honest with you - life changes when you have children, at no point in our 22yr history have I stopped DH going on his golf holidays abroad. Frankly he has the opportunity to get a weeks break with his mates and comes back refreshed and took the burden from me for a while.

If I'm honest, I like MY week when he goes away, no other reason than our working hours are so juxed opposed, it's nice to know I get in from work, lock the door, do meals, and put my feet up at 6pm rather than at 8 or 9 pm.

Ledkr · 01/05/2013 21:03

That's your decision though holly do you also get your weeks away or the equivalent money for yourself.
Btw when you marry someone and they have a child already you do take in some if the responsibility for that child even if the child's other parent is still paying for them. Particularly if your partner is in need of support.

Original poster
MummytobeDC2 · 01/05/2013 21:55

Holly -

I do get maintanence from DS father, but when DP got with me he also made a commitment to my son, so I hope that answers your question, I also said I earn more money than him so it is not like I am financially incapable so please do not patronise me - but as a FAMILY who are expecting a new baby in NOVEMBER (may I point out the month before Xmas) I think 1500 can be put in better places than a "lads holiday" that he has done 100000000 times before is inappropriate.

As I know life change when you have children so best being prepared no? Financially? Like 1500 financially, and if I want to be his equal and take 1500 and eff off for a week that is 3000 better off for our young and growing family.

OP posts:
seriouscakeeater · 01/05/2013 22:04

Jesus ! Are people NOT reading the bloody thread! Its not about having frigging weekends away holly I'm really glad your DH come back refreshed!! woohooo aren't you the dutiful wife!

OP has never said he can never go away again but At this point in time its a shit idea. Money issues/Baby Issues. Its nine fucking months ffs that poor DP is expected to hold up to his responsibilities. Bully for you, you like spending time on your own BUT alas Op isn't you will be 7 months pregnant with his child another child to look after and scrimping together money to buy stuff while he is having nice time on lads holiday. Show some fucking compassion FGS!

Thank you the orchard Smile

simplesusan · 01/05/2013 22:10

I don't think yabu.

I don't suppose you can stop him but why does he need to go away on this type of holiday.

morethanpotatoprints · 01/05/2013 22:14

OP

My dh wouldn't have wanted to go on holiday and spend the families money especially when we needed it for our new baby. He is in his 20's not 18, and I don't think yabu. He needs to grow up.

QuintessentialOHara · 01/05/2013 22:18

I dont think the pregnancy is a reason why he should not go, but money is.

Why on earth does he think that he gets to spend this type of money on a holiday when as a family you cannot afford it, and there are other expenses in the pipelines that needs to be met?

Saying "last holiday before baby" is nothing but emotional blackmail, insinuating that his "life" is over. Hmm

CherylTrole · 01/05/2013 22:19

It always happens with these threads. Everyones idea of normal is poles apart. Some come on and encourage holidays for the men, ie let him go and give him loads of kisses and spending money, cant wait to get rid of him for a week????? Confused Confused Nothing equal about that. 1950s housewife anyone??
I think it is strange that your DP doesnt get that his going away would be any inconvenience at all for you OP. His thinking is not one of someone thinking of their partner at all. Feel for you OP.

MissAnnersley · 01/05/2013 22:22

YANBU at all. I would be totally pissed off with this. He's going to be spending a lot of money on himself which am quite sure you won't be able to do.

He has already had a number of holidays in the last year I think you said.

And to top it all you'll be 7 months pregnant.

Definitely, definitely not unreasonable.

Ledkr · 01/05/2013 22:23

It's Holly's usual type of post I'm afraid.
Ridiculous Grin
Life changes when you have kids yes but usually for both parents.

5madthings · 01/05/2013 22:23

I agree the pregnancy isn't a reason not to go as long as he is contactable and can get home if needed.

The money and the fact the op doesn't get the same break is an issue.

morethanpotatoprints · 01/05/2013 22:31

Holly

At no time in our 24 year relationship and 22 years of marriage has my dh ever wanted to go on holiday without me. Are you sure he plays golf?

Bowlersarm · 01/05/2013 22:32

CheryTrole Confused just to pick you up on that as you haven't read the whole thread obviously-a number of posters have said they do have holidays with their friends.

poorchurchmouse · 01/05/2013 22:40

YANBU. I had hideous SPD when I was pregnant - fortunately I didn't have another child to look after, as by 7 months I could barely walk. I also wouldn't be happy if DH thought it was OK for him to have a week away with his friends, but not for me to do the same. And that's before you even get to the money - your P is being a knob, I'm afraid.

TheSecondComing · 01/05/2013 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

susiedaisy · 01/05/2013 23:02

I've read the whole post and I'm still choking on the fact that he wants to spend £1500, good god that's a huge amount of money for most people and that alone is Incredibly selfish!!

olgaga · 01/05/2013 23:06

I agree susie, for me this would be a big red flag about his maturity and committment.

It's not as though they're rolling in it, as the OP has made clear.

CherylTrole · 01/05/2013 23:08

Bowlersarm I have indeed read the whole thread Grin and the majority of women do not go on equivalant holidays and I have also read loads of these type of threads and it is always the same sort of story. Or maybe Im wrong, maybe there are loads of threads on Dadsnet the same only from a male point of view?? Nah didnt think so.

AnyFucker · 01/05/2013 23:10

holly you must be some kind of 50's doormat if the reason you sit down 3 hours later is because your husband is at home

OP, yanbu

susiedaisy · 01/05/2013 23:15

Exactly cherry, personally I could never of gone away for a week and left my dc when they were tiny, my mind would of constantly been worrying about them and missing them , and to spend 1500 mostly just to get pissed with mates seems absurd, what a waste of money IMO

Cherriesarelovely · 01/05/2013 23:27

OP, I cannot see how you are BU in any way. I think your compromise of a long weekend was a really good one. Maybe some people and their DPs/DHs do this all the time and it's no big deal for them. I am more like you, we don't have alot of money to throw around, if we did we would more likely spend it on a family break rather than one of us going off with friends. I think £1,500 is a huge amount of money not to mention that this is just before you have a baby and it is close to Christmas.

I completely agree with your earlier comment that you are meant to be a team and that means that you support each other. It does not sound like your DP is deprived of social contact in any way!

Hope it works out. Sorry you have received a bit of a pasting here, I agree with you entirely.

CherylTrole · 01/05/2013 23:30

AnyFucker am imagining this scenario, do you have to stand to attention, in the kitchen like one of them soldiers outside Buck Palace until the clock strikes and she can clock off Confused Jeez life is tough in 2013/1950. Golf holiday? Now what in the name of golf balls is that????? Poor wimmin getting taken for mugs methinks.

AnyFucker · 01/05/2013 23:35

cheryl, indeed