To stop DP going on lads holiday???

[MummytobeDC2]

DP and I are in our twenties, and I am 13+5 pregnant, due in November. His friends have decided to book a weeks holiday end of August, start of Sept... DP asked if I would mind him going and I said yes as il be 7months gone I have DS to previous relationship so will need the help and money etc... He got upset etc and made me feel exceptionally guilty. So me being me said he should go for a long weekend and come home before his friends, stay 3nights, that way we are both happy! His mother advised us "he should go as it will be his last" and he keeps repeating that now complaining after agreeing to the long weekend he wants to go for the week!

First of all I will be 7months, I have DS I need help with and the money would benefit the baby, flights and accommodation are costing £300 and spending money, well, at least 2weeks wages! We are far from flush!

AIBUR????

Please tell me I'm not insane?

Sometimes I wonder why get married if you want to spend time apart?? What with work, looking after children and all the RL stuff, how do you actually get time to spend time together as a couple then?? Surely you BOTH focus on trying to spend time together and not apart??

Well, equally, I can't relate to that mindset either - there is nothing whatsoever wrong with wanting to do things apart from time-to-time as long as it is not the detriment of family finances.

It's all about timing and budgets isn't it? Plus maybe, the type of break involved.

We've always done things with our own friends and in more recent years, weekends away. But when the kids were small and we were on a tight budget, less so - and never to locations where large single-sex groups were out on the pull each and every night, mainly because that would have been a personal hell, not a pleasurable experience. It wouldn't even have entered either of our heads to have a holiday at the expense of the other one getting a break, or a holiday for the whole family.

I hope you get this sorted out OP. It's worrying, because if he's this selfish before the baby comes along, it doesn't augur well for those early months of babyhood. I hope you've gained something from this thread and at least there does seem to have been a consensus that you should be equally responsible for dividing up the budget and leisure time more equitably than is currently the case.

Hhhmmm early twenties or late twenties? That's a lot of time in man years :-) early twenties I would be dubious......late twenties I would say like his mum said...last chance for a lads holiday... I need more info to make a constructive comment! (if late 20s.. Any room for my DH? Could do with weekend to myself!)

I think you should let him go. It is hard because you are pregnant, and with that you have to make sacrifices, BUT on saying that, my good old Mum who's been married to my Dad for over 40 years says 'the looser the noose, the tighter the bond' and I think she's right

laqueen but in away you are being the same in stating that you believe in time apart. Everyone is different.
Me and dh work shifts and share childcare. He works most weekends.
So we grab gratefully at any time we can have together and neither of us want to take separate breaks. We see our own friends socially of course and do hobbies, but any new adventures we do together.
We have been together 7 yrs and our kids are still young so that may change on time I guess.

Another one missing the point by a country mile...

Yes everyone has opinions. That's the whole point.

Don - not going to help, but perhaps she should stop expecting him to turn into a different man once she's pregnant. A lot of the upset for the OP seems to come from the fact he wants to do this and can't see the problems.

Problems that the way they have arranged the rest of their relationship wouldn't naturally have occurred to him.

plus not things that would have automatically occurred from witnessing other couple's relationships during late pregnancy - for instance, DH did actually go away with work when I was 7 months pregnant, my only annoyance at that was we move house the following week.

But, i was physically ok, if the OP had a bad time physically around 7 months with her last DC, then as her DP wasn't her DP then, he might not have an idea about that - most woman are still working, several travelling with work at that stage, not really 'suffering'. It's not something you'd assume.

The money is a different issue, but then again, I wouldn't expect someone who's not involved in the day to day bill paying and budgeting would suddenly stop to think "the money left over from paying the bills, I better not spend it incase DP needs to save it for something else." when someone who was used to having to do the juggling would.

You do see this a lot on MN - woman who have turned a blind eye to their DP/H's faults, or even enabled them/found them endearing, then have DCs suddenly don't like them anymore, without thinking that actually, if this is how that man has always been, why would they change just because a baby's coming?

Altinkum - it's OK to be dependent on people from time to time when you're feeling vulnerable. Believe it or not, that actually Is OK. Calling the OP pathetic reflects badly on you.

She also doesn't feel one week for a lads break is too much to ask, what with having waved him off on same several times in the past.

Lastly... They. Cannot. Afford. It.

These are the points you're spectacularly missing.

HTH.

Plenty of people have agreed with the OP, me included. So hardly 'everyone' saying YABU.

My DP clearly is a selfish twat, and you lot saying its mad that I take care of the finances is rediculous he's happy to let me take care of the finances any other time, until he can't get his own way, sheer selfishness, he's not a mug he knows how much we have coming in and what we pay out he's not daft!!! I just remember to pay bills on time and prioritise correctly!!

And to say I'm pathetic and heavily dependant is a ridiculous statement!! Pathetic how? By knowing the households financial situation can't afford to fork out 1500 for a boozy trip! Heavily dependant on bloody who??? I make more money, I pay the bills I sort most things out I was a single parent for the best part of 3 years so don't tell me I'm dependant on anyone as its not the case. I just feel that pregnancy is a time when we should be together and putting all our energy in to the baby, spending last minute quality time with DS before his life changes!!! DP went on 1000000 lads holidays before so this holiday is irrelevant!

All I'm reading is the same thing over again, people not interested in the current situation at hand but bringing their own perfect life's and twisting it in somehow! Stop saying he should go when I've clearly said our finances would be deeply disturbed by this selfish trip!!!!!

If you can't afford it OP then everything else is irrelevant.

Have you spoken to him and told him this?

This is so weird.

It's as though some posters have a completely distorted view of other women as clingy, pathetic things who want to be joined at the hip 24/7 and then regardless of the OP's words or circumstances, project that image on to her.

It's like we're all reading a different thread.

When you've come out of your dark room OP, concentrate on what you're going to do in response to your DP's selfishness, because that's the issue.

You will never get a one way opinion because different people do different things in their relationships. No right or wrong really just different expectations or priorities.
I'm not sure why some posters need to be quite so aggressive when giving their opinions though

If you know you are being reasonable in not letting dp go on holiday, then why are you asking if you are being unreasonable, when you clearly dont think you are being.

As i ve said in a previous post further back yanbu in any way.