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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband demeaning my salary

147 replies

uhura · 28/04/2013 21:16

I feel sad - I started a new business 2 years ago after being at home with my kids for almost 10 years and I think its doing really well. I'm earning what I think is a respectable salary whilst still taking the kids to school and picking them up. That was the point of starting the business rather than going back to work as I wanted flexibility.

Unfortunately when I have spoken to my (professional) husband about how well I was doing, he laughed and said is that all you're earning? (or words to that effect - infact the word pathetic was used). I feel really demeaned and can't understand why he is not thrilled for me.

When I got upset I was accused of over-reacting.

Tell me ianbu and that he is a prat please.

OP posts:
hwjm1945 · 28/04/2013 21:17

How much are you making?

bunnymother · 28/04/2013 21:18

I don't think it matters how much £££ you are actually making - it was mean of him to laugh at your salary and to call it pathetic. Well done for starting something of your own.

Smartieaddict · 28/04/2013 21:19

Yes he is a prat! It sounds like you have worked hard and are doing well, a little encouragement is not a lot to ask!

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 28/04/2013 21:19

Could he may feel the teensiest bit threatened? After all, you built this business up yourself, you're your own boss etc. Some people can be envious because they wish they could do it too.

SkinnybitchWannabe · 28/04/2013 21:20

What a unsupportive knob.

ChasingStaplers · 28/04/2013 21:20

Sounds like jealousy to me.

You've made something happen and you're doing it alongside bringing up your children. To be making any sort of money 2 years after starting a business is pretty good going IMO.

PoppyWearer · 28/04/2013 21:21

Well done on your business, OP, it sounds like you have the perfect balance,

ChameleonCircuit · 28/04/2013 21:21

Tell him if its pathetic you'll need to devote more time to your business to be able to increase your salary. Hence HE will have to do school drop off/pick up and any other running around after the DC, because you won't have time. See how fast he backtracks then. Nob. Angry

hwjm1945 · 28/04/2013 21:21

Think how much u are making is relevant.if you are making1000 pa then it is pretty pathetic and you may be better doing something else unless there is the prospect of growth

Otheregos · 28/04/2013 21:21

He is a Pratt and unreasonable, as long as you are happy in your work and able to make ends meet..how much you earn is irrelevant!

WilsonFrickett · 28/04/2013 21:22

Is he usually such a twat? Start billing him for childcare hours. That will increase your bottom line.

Bowlersarm · 28/04/2013 21:24

Is he always so mean spirited?

YANBU and he is unnecessarily being a prat. I can't even think why he would be like that. Bad day? Doesn't want you to work at all? Jealous you don't have to work outside the home?

Original poster
uhura · 28/04/2013 21:24

I just can't work out why he was so mean.

It may be because he wanted me to earn much more doing my old job (the one from 10 years ago!) and can't understand why I feel that I am still needed at home.

He has clearly forgotten how miserable life was when we both worked full timw and had no time for the kids.

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 28/04/2013 21:26

It was not nice of him to laugh at you. However, I know a few mums who've started their own businesses and really earn such a pittance compared to the hours and the effort they put that you have to question whether it is worth it. Was this the point he was trying to make?

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 28/04/2013 21:27

I think he's a prat for how he's phrased it, but depending on what you're earning I might be able to see where he's coming from.

hwjm1945 · 28/04/2013 21:28

He might want you to earn more so he can downshift a bit and be disappointed that you are not earning much

Original poster
uhura · 28/04/2013 21:30

It's not a pittance - I am earning a good salary - I think its really good. ie well into 40% tax band - for a part time job.

I am so proud of myself but I felt kicked in the teeth by his reaction.

OP posts:
VBisme · 28/04/2013 21:32

He sounds quite mean, but I'm surprised your salary was news to him.

hwjm1945 · 28/04/2013 21:34

I think if u are earning into top tax bracket and doing all pick ups etc I say well done you.No one could call that pathetic unless they are looking to undermine you or put you down.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 28/04/2013 21:37

So you're actually earning more than 38k a year, before tax, for a part time job? And he thinks that's pathetic?

Then your DH is a prat.

AKissIsNotAContract · 28/04/2013 21:38

Sounds like you have enough money to LTB then.

Iaintdunnuffink · 28/04/2013 21:38

Is a nasty thing to say whatever you're earning.

mercibucket · 28/04/2013 21:43

Omg, I thought you meant a few thousand, and was still going to call your dh a prat. I used to make a few thousand on part time work a few hours a week, and dh was really proud and I used it to pay for extra curricular classes eg swimming
But if you earn over 40k part time, he is being even more spiteful and nasty and is trying to undermine you, sorry op :(

Gimmeecoffee · 28/04/2013 21:45

Ye he's a prat! My dp runs his own business (very early days)and doesn't earn much yet but I'd never say anything like that to him, infact i have a lot of respect for him because he's working his arse of to build it up.
He just sound envious tbh!

LittleBairn · 28/04/2013 21:46

Sounds like your DH is feeling threatened by your earnings so is belittling you to make himself feel better.