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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that putting your child in pants doesn't make them potty trained?

77 replies

wreckedone · 24/04/2013 12:14

I met an acquaintance at playgroup this morning,our lads are the same age and she was at great pains to tell me that he was potty training. Which is great, I know some friends' children have potty trained at this age (they're 23mo). But she then went on to tell me that he was in pants as he's allergic to pull ups-he was just using the pants like a nappy and weeing in them-I know all children have accidents when they're just starting out, but 3 times in under 2 hours?!
She kept making a big thing of how grown up her lad is, particularly when he grabbed a toy off my lad and my lad cried ("big boys like X don't cry"). AIBU to think she's a bit of a knob?

OP posts:

DangerousBeanz · 24/04/2013 12:16

IMO YANBU

Pootles2010 · 24/04/2013 12:16

Sorry don't know what you mean. She does sound a knob wrt your little boy crying though.

Do you mean she's not putting him on a potty? My ds didn't use pull ups either, I don't think most people potty training do as it confuses them?!

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 24/04/2013 12:17

She said she was potty training, not that he was potty trained, and 3 accidents in 2 hours when they are starting out sounds about right as well. She doesn't sound like a knob at all

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 24/04/2013 12:19

(apart from the last bit)

Original poster

wreckedone · 24/04/2013 12:33

She's not putting him on potty, just put him in pants and he's weeing in them like a nappy-sorry my post is a bit confusing!

OP posts:

Sirzy · 24/04/2013 12:37

What is she hoping will happen if she doesn't put him on the toilet/encourage him to go to the toilet? Why not just leave him in nappies?

TheChaoGoesMu · 24/04/2013 12:45

How would that work though. He'd be wet all the time. Perhaps she meant he is treating them like nappies, not that she wants him to treat them like nappies

fairylightsinthespring · 24/04/2013 12:52

I think YABU - 3 accidents in 2 hrs is nothing frankly, DS has been known to get through 3 pairs of pants and trousers in 20 mins. Depends what stage they are at really, and ideally you might stay close to home in the early stages but as DS has taken nearly a year to train, that's not really possible. I would hope that at a toddler group there would be more sympathy / understanding / someone handing me a wipe than standing around with judgey pants on.

MrsMangelFanciedPaulRobinson · 24/04/2013 12:58

My SIL did that when her son turned 2, just put him in pants, then he'd piss and shit everywhere. Nice

OneFingerSjupesUpTheYoni · 24/04/2013 13:00

Ds is 17 months and wears pants in the house - if he needs a wee he'll get a nappy and rub it on his pants to let us know then we put him on the potty/put the nappy on. He is in no way potty trained nor are we attempting really to train him - he is choosing to go potty/get a nappy.

he is just being a baby and likes clapping hands when he's done.

I feel for the wee boy pishing himself all the time he must get sore :(

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 24/04/2013 13:01

YABU.

Potty training will always come with accidents, especially when they don't recognise the need to wee or poo.

You may be more understanding when you start...

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 24/04/2013 13:04

YANBU this is irritatingly common. Kids in underwear peeing and pooing everywhere.

It's stupid. There are far better and more dignified ways to teach.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 24/04/2013 13:05

ItsAllGoingTOBeFine and therein lies the problem...when they don't recognise the need to poo or wee....then they should not be training.

DeWe · 24/04/2013 13:09

He may have been fine in the house.
One of mine had almost no accidents at all in the week we were training when we stayed at home. But the first time we went out she had about 3 accidents in 2 hours. Basically she was too absorbed in playing she forgot, and because she was used to, in that environment being in nappies, she forgot she had pants on.
She was my hardest to potty train during the day, but she was out of nappies by 17 months at night.
The other two basically they said they'd wear pants and that was it, hardly an accident at all.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 24/04/2013 13:09

But how do you know they know?

Dd only ever poos in toilet since she was a few months old. If she is in pants I need to take her to toilet regularly (every hour or so) or she will just wee herself.

What should I be doing?

BlackeyedSusan · 24/04/2013 13:14

3 accidents in 2 hours sounds a lot to me too. they are ready to train when nerves are developed and they know when they need to poo or wee. surely you would keep them in pull ups until they are showing signs of needing the potty?

lunar1 · 24/04/2013 13:14

I completely agree, my friend declared that her DD was out of nappies. she came round to my house which is carpeted. Her DD had 4 wees on my floor and two poos which she took her pants off for. Unfortunately I was too busy cleaning the previous mess to stop her pooing on my floor.

I saw the little open the door to my back room where DS1's little rocking eyore was so i picked it up and took it upstairs, my bloody friend had a tantrum with me as i was spoiling her DD's fun!

Funnily enough that was almost 2 years ago and I have never invited her back

Sirzy · 24/04/2013 13:14

You know because they tell you they need the toilet or they are going to do a wee. If they can't understand that then IMO its best to leave them in nappies until they have that understanding.

if you wait until they are ready they can be trained in a few days, if you rush them it can take months.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 24/04/2013 13:19

But if she is in a nappy she will just wee without thinking about it. If she has an accident in her pants she will tell me straight away - does this not help develop awareness?

If she wees/poos on toilet she is totally aware of it.

She also never tells me if she needs a poo, she just waits until on toilet then does it.

cinnamonsugar · 24/04/2013 13:34

but she was out of nappies by 17 months at night.
DeWe Sorry to rain on smug emoticon , but posting this for anyone else reading who may be worrying about this. Being dry at night is a physiological (hormonal) development and nothing can be done to speed that up or influence when it happens. Often co-incides with the timing of potty training, but often it doesn't.

YANBU, OP and agree with other posters who say that that waiting until a child is ready means it takes days/weeks.

VisualiseAHorse · 24/04/2013 13:38

You can get pants that are absorbant - like cloth nappies, but cloth pull-ups instead. Your friend should invest in some of those.

ReallyTired · 24/04/2013 13:42

OP, you can have the last laugh when her son is still pissing himself in six months time. Lots of accidents is normal for the first week, but most normal people don't take their children out at that stage. If a child is ready to be potty trained they will do it in a week.

"She kept making a big thing of how grown up her lad is, particularly when he grabbed a toy off my lad and my lad cried ("big boys like X don't cry"). AIBU to think she's a bit of a knob?"

Prehaps you should have said that big boys don't snatch toys and ask nicely if they want to play with some one else's toy.

With friends like that you really need emenies?

DeWe · 24/04/2013 13:49

cinnamon I know. That's why I though I might get away with a smug emotion, because it's nothing I did. You're right though, I probably should have said it for others.

Original poster

wreckedone · 25/04/2013 11:29

Pants are cheaper than nappies-that's why she's done it. He had no awareness that he was about to wee, and didn't seem to understand where it had come from when he was wet. I've toilet trained several SEN children, so I have an idea of toilet training, I wouldn't put a child in pants if they had no awareness that they needed to wee/poo.
ReallyTired she's more of an acquaintance than a friend. I did point out to her that her son had snatched the toy, but apparently that's okay in her house. She's a CM too

OP posts:

Mintyy · 25/04/2013 11:32

Yanbu. I had a friend like this. Her dd peed her pants constantly and she consequently had a mountain of washing to do every day. She was trying to do it too young. She was a little bit competitive like that.

But the poor little dd was still doing it long after the rest of our NCT group's children were clean and dry. She totally messed up potty training.

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