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AIBU?

to think that putting your child in pants doesn't make them potty trained?

77 replies

wreckedone · 24/04/2013 12:14

I met an acquaintance at playgroup this morning,our lads are the same age and she was at great pains to tell me that he was potty training. Which is great, I know some friends' children have potty trained at this age (they're 23mo). But she then went on to tell me that he was in pants as he's allergic to pull ups-he was just using the pants like a nappy and weeing in them-I know all children have accidents when they're just starting out, but 3 times in under 2 hours?!
She kept making a big thing of how grown up her lad is, particularly when he grabbed a toy off my lad and my lad cried ("big boys like X don't cry"). AIBU to think she's a bit of a knob?

OP posts:

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SpanishFly · 25/04/2013 11:42

imo, if he's having 3 accidents in 2 hrs, then he should either be wearing a nappy at playgroup or he shouldnt be at playgroup if she's determined to force him to potty train.
If theyre ready to be trained, then 3 accidents in under 2 hrs shouldnt really happen.
She's clearly trying to turn him into a grown-up child, but she'll regret it when he's no longer her wee baby...
And fwiw I have an acquaintance like this, and she's a bit of a knob

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mrsjay · 25/04/2013 11:46

she isnt training him she is letting him train himself imo you actually have to take them to the toilet she is being a bit of a twit but I know lots of parents who 'toilet train' like that,

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NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 25/04/2013 11:47

ItsAllGoingToBeFine I was told...and it worked for me, to wait until a child can discuss it properly.

My DD was 2 and a half before that happened...she'd tell me she was doing a wee or a poo and then she began to tell me she was ABOUT to.

Then she was toilet trained within a week. The same with DD2.

I'd ask of course.."Do you need a wee?" a lot....and then she'd say yes or no.

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mrsjay · 25/04/2013 11:49

I am of an age when potty training was done from birth an earlier age than now I didnt start till dd1 was over 2 people used to think I was being lazy she was using the toilet within a fortnight hardly any accidents

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EssexGurl · 25/04/2013 12:09

I hate this! Woman at work tried to make out her 2 yo was potty trained when it was obvious he wasn't. Having to get up 4 times a night to change the sheets is not potty trained. She let that one slip when she didn't realise I was there and was v embarrassed.

Stupid stealth boasting. Just ignore!!!

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Cutiecat · 25/04/2013 12:14

I amazes me the attitude people have to toilet training. You can teach a puppy to pee in a particular place, hell you can even house train a rabbit. Why do people think that a child is 'not ready'. And yes I do have children and when they could walk I started to sit them on a potty. It is a totally western idea they are not ready until they are 2-3.

Leave this woman alone to try to train her child. As long as she cleans up after him what is the problem.

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cinnamonsugar · 25/04/2013 12:48

cutiecat Puppies and rabbits that you can toilet train are comparable to 2 to 3 year old, or older, humans. Puppies, when they begin toilet training, are just a few months off sexual maturity and being able to have their own litters. It's a crazy comparison. A puppy that was equivalent to a young (under two) toddler, would be too young to be toilet trained properly. A child is 'not ready' when they don't have the ability to properly communicate or understand what's required - and then it takes a long time to 'train' them. It's not 'amazing' that people have worked out what works well - it's just logic and basic biology/child development.

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SpanishFly · 25/04/2013 12:51

Plus if a toddler isn't ready then they have 3 accidents in a short space of time

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cinnamonsugar · 25/04/2013 12:52

There is very little 'training' involved when a child is ready. It's pointless and a huge amount of extra work and frustration for everyone if you start long before that. Why toilet train for months and months if they are not getting it and can't get it rather than just wait until they can and then it's much easier and very little 'training' required. Each to their own, I guess. Children all get there by the same time more or less.

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davidjrmum · 25/04/2013 12:57

A friend came round a couple of years ago with their little girl who was potty training and in pants. We sat down to lunch on our covered chairs and she had an accident. They took her upstairs to get changed while I tried to dry the chair. When they came down, she sat on another chair and had another accident so they took her upstairs to get changed again. When they came back down they said that they had to go because they had run out of clothes to which I replied "and we've run out of chairs" :)

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Sirzy · 25/04/2013 12:58

Cutie what is gained by spending months training a child when they aren't ready?

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ReallyTired · 25/04/2013 13:00

Most people housebreak/ toilet train a puppy from birth. Children often find toilet training hard because they have been taught to wee in their clothes by being put in nappies. I experimented a bit with EC, but it wasn't until dd was 2 years 7 months when she was 100% out of nappies with no accidents.

There is nothing wrong with trying to toilet train a two year old. Sometimes it clicks and sometimes it doesn't. If after a week you find you are getting nowhere then go back to nappies for a few months. There are lots of approaches to toilet training and very few children go to school or even school nursery in nappies.

What is wrong is belittling a child whose parents have made different parenting decisions. Ie. making out that her son who is exactly the same age is a big boy and indirectly implying that the OP son is not a big boy.

Children vary a lot in development.

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mrsjay · 25/04/2013 13:02

learning to go to the toilet is a feeling and I really don't think little toddlers learn that feeling of needing to pee or poo until they are older it is common sense imo as i said before when I was going through it a lot of the children dds age were going through wet pants stage at 15 to 18 months It just felt a bit odd to me so that is why I went against the norm and waited until after her 2nd birthday

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mrsjay · 25/04/2013 13:03

what really tired said if it isnt working back in nappies and try again

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FunnysInLaJardin · 25/04/2013 13:04

YANBU and she sounds like a dick

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GiveMummyTheWhizzer · 25/04/2013 13:06

YANBU.

DS is now 2.7 and we potty trained 3 weeks ago with only 3 accidents total - but thats because I left it until I knew 110% that he was ready. I really couldn't have coped with 3 months + of potty training like some parents do (much respect those that have had to do this!!)

People were asking me from age 18 months onwards "when will you train" etc etc but my response was always "when I know he understands my instructions and also when he knows he wants to go".

I think its a bit mean to do it really if your child isn't ready

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SpanishFly · 25/04/2013 13:06

Hang on, I missed that she's a CHILD MINDER!! Wow, great attitude from a CM!

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Cutiecat · 25/04/2013 13:15

Sirzy, it has not taken me months to toilet train my children, just a couple of weeks and before the age of 2.

If you are interested in toilet training ages then this is a good article.

www.parentingscience.com/potty-training-age.html

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Sirzy · 25/04/2013 13:21

Thats great but some children don't train that quickly. Some quite simply aren't ready so their is no point pushing them.

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cinnamonsugar · 25/04/2013 13:25

There is nothing wrong with trying to toilet train a two year old. Sometimes it clicks and sometimes it doesn't. If after a week you find you are getting nowhere then go back to nappies for a few months.
Agreed.

cutiecat That's great that they were able to do it then. It means they were ready. Some kids aren't though and if parents persist, it can be difficult and take a long time.

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Lonecatwithkitten · 25/04/2013 13:40

Personally I believe three things need to be present for toilet training to work

Realising they need to go
Having the words to be able to say they need to go
The ability to be able to manage their clothing to go

Many research studies have shown that early toilet training is actual toilet timing. Most of us could do this as we are aware of when our DCs make their nappies wet or dirty.

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OTTMummA · 25/04/2013 13:54

One of my cousins was 'trained' very early because his GM was insistent on it, he ended up in hospital because of severe constipation because he wouldn't poo due to negative attention and pressure.

SS actually got involved because he had to go to hospital numerous times.

I believe that there is a nerve to the bladder that has to start working properly before a child can realise they need to do a wee/poo and it varies in each child when this happens.

I tried with DS at 2, 2.5, and eventually 3 where he responded very quickly, not even a week.

Maybe I am lazy, but I don't see why everyone is in such a rush to train children that are clearly not ready.
Childrearing is such a hard job already, why make it harder in such an unnecessary way.

I don't think it should be an issue unless your child is (NT) and still not fully trained by 5yrs old/reception yr.

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TheChaoGoesMu · 25/04/2013 14:08

I don't think they need to have the words or be able to manage their clothing. My son was a late talker but was still able to indicate he needed the toilet. And sometimes even now he needs help with his clothes. But he's still toilet trained.

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fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 25/04/2013 14:13

OP, why have you totally ignored the fact she said he is allergic to the pull ups?

Some kids have allergies to all sorts, my DD gets blisters if she wears polyester.

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ReallyTired · 25/04/2013 14:14

"Sirzy, it has not taken me months to toilet train my children, just a couple of weeks and before the age of 2."

Some children walk at 8 months and other children walk at 2 years old.

My daughter trained really easily. We did dabble with EC, but honestly it didn't work. I think that EC is a great way to reduce nappy rash and help the enviroment, but my daughter was not truely potty trained at an exceptionally young age. She managed to get the hang of poos at about 18 months, but too far longer to get the wees. Her bladder muscles were not strong enough.

I think that trying to catch every wee of a baby is recipe for a nervous breakdown. (The expression driving someone potty probably orginates from early potty training.) If you have older children then they need attention too. I favour putting a baby on a potty from about 6 months at each nappy change. (In our case 3 times a day)

However other parents have every right to do their own thing and have different children and families. Most children are out of nappies by three and unless there are special needs then they are usually out of nappies by four.