to think most men would jump at the chance of NSA sex?

[Ibelieveyoubutmytommygundont]

SO I met a guy in a bar about 2 weeks ago. Seemed like a nice guy and we swapped numbers. We were both quite clear that neither of us wanted a relationship. I said I was looking more for a Friends with Benefits type situation. We are both single - so no harm done.

Went to his house last week and one thing lead to another.

The week afterwards he turned quite cold towards me. I asked him if he wanted to meet up for round 2 again soon and he avoided the question and was basically playing games.

I said I couldn't be bothered playing games. He said ok then and deleted me off Facebook.

I'm really pissed off about it tbh. I think most men would love that type of offer and I don't get why he turned so horrible.

branlouse I disagree with you, I think in threads like this, where the OP has stated somethgin about 'mist men' it is quite insightful to get men's opinions, even if they are MNers DHs and don't have accounts of their own on here.

Yes, I agree, but they have to be honest male opinions.

I am sorry you are feeling misled by this man OP but he has been honest with you and not strung things out. You can't expect someone who has had sex with you once, to always want sex with you. Imagine if the sexes were reversed and the man was pushing the woman to be always available for NSA hook-ups.

And no IME most men, not even a sizeable minority of men, would jump at the chance of NSA sex full stop - it would be context and person dependent. DH for one would be horrified

However there have been some horribly judgmental and misogynistic comments on here about women and ONSs. I hope you get what you are looking for OP but a FWB arrangement may be better sought / nurtured among your existing social network. (that sounds a very professional way of putting it but YKWIM!)

Ibelieve you said "he wanted me to stay the night." DID you stay the night, or did you go home?

It sounds to me as if HE wanted more than NSA, actually.

I agree that there are a few really awful comments on here, but I'm glad to see most are sensible and supportive.

It is a rejection, of a kind. It's not nice at a vulnerable stage, when you would probably appreciate the validation of somebody finding you attractive. This really is his issue though. I'm certain of it. You met and had a good time together, but he has something going on which means he has been frightened off. God knows what goes on in another person's head.

Try to forget about it. And I agree with maybe not trying to get into such an arrangement in the immediate future. It is frequently more complicated than fun.

Damn Binks you speak some wise words

You're either not really ready for a FWB/fuck buddy type of set up yet, or you don't really want one, or you're not cut out for one.

If you were, this wouldn't have bothered you this much. You would have accepted that you had one good night together which he didn't want to repeat, and then not given it much more thought.

He did nothing wrong.

"Yes, I agree, but they have to be honest male opinions."

You mean....there's a different test to be applied for male opinions?

I don't think either Of you was wrong.

He may have wanted a NSA type of relationship but didn't feel comfortable continuing.

Either way chalk in down as experience and move on.

Wow some vile specimens of humanity on this thread, Holly being one of them.

Op you have had some good advice amongst the stone throwers who'd fit well in with a witches ducking pond sort of scenario It does sound like you need to nurture yourself a wee bit more

Thanks, JennifersBody! That's really nice of you to say.

OP it sounds as though he wasn't happy that you were happy to continue on a FWB system. I am thinking he may have thought you would fall for him and want more whereby he could then decide the shots.

Or he liked you and was vaguely offended when you just wanted a shag. As I have heard men have feelings too

There is a big diff between FWB and ONS and I can understand why you were confused but just chalk it down to experience. Onwards and upwards!

Perhaps he was in a relationship already?

Pan
How lovely to be 'jumped on' at my comment. Thought somebody would.

Can somebody tell me how to get the funny faces up on my posts? I love them but can't get them to work.

digerd

look below your message box and see the list of smileys.

is: [ followed immediately by grin then immediately followed by ]

just substitute [ and ] for the < and > you used above.

I think women (and men) are always being told that men want NSA sex and it's their dream situation.

So when women offer it and then men don't take them up on it, women can feel slightly flummoxed and insulted and pissed off that they're not behaving like the stereotype says they should. It feels personal, like they're being rejected because there's something wrong with them, otherwise the man would adhere to the stereotype, right?

Except of course, that the stereotype is wrong. A man is no more or less likely to want NSA sex than a woman. Lots of them feel obliged to pretend they do when bantering with friends, but the ones who actually do are probably found in exactly the same numbers as women who do.

Don't take it personally. He just behaved like himself and himself has no reflection on you.

Oh and don't take the feeble-minded misogyny personally either. They're the result of people not having as much to do on a Sunday afternoon as they pretend they have. And of course, a lack of reading.

yes, Basil. I'd think to make an assumption that 'most men would want NSA sex' indicates they don't really know a lot about men?

And I can't be the only innocent who read the title as 'NASA sex'. I thought, wow, that puts the mile high club in it's place.

[smile[ 1st attempt

[embarrassed] 2nd attempt

OP, YANBU. FWBs are some 21st century urban myth.

As a longterm singleton, I would say the actual number of men 'out there' (be that in bars, in the workplace, on various OD sites, wherever) who are looking for a relationship is actually REALLY small. Tiny, in fact.

Likewise the number who want some sort of FWB/ no strings arrangement.

Most single men in their 30s and 40s (and probably above and below that agegroup, but 30s/40s is the one I have direct experience of) just want occasional sex. Generally their hand will do for this purpose, occasionally they want an actual woman. But they don't really care who, and however good or not good the sex is, they won't bother seeing her again.

When I was first single, and bemoaning my lack of a sex life, loads of people said 'Oh you need to find yourself a FWB while you're looking for Mr Right'. Trust me it is not that easy, I met one bloke who suggested that was what he wanted. We went out, got on ok, slept together (which he told me after was the best sex he could remember...which would suggest he enjoyed it) he was in contact for the next week, and then disappeared, never to be heard from again. Oh, and he's still very much single.

3rd attempt