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Original poster

to think most men would jump at the chance of NSA sex?

185 replies

Ibelieveyoubutmytommygundont · 20/04/2013 23:13

SO I met a guy in a bar about 2 weeks ago. Seemed like a nice guy and we swapped numbers. We were both quite clear that neither of us wanted a relationship. I said I was looking more for a Friends with Benefits type situation. We are both single - so no harm done.

Went to his house last week and one thing lead to another.

The week afterwards he turned quite cold towards me. I asked him if he wanted to meet up for round 2 again soon and he avoided the question and was basically playing games.

I said I couldn't be bothered playing games. He said ok then and deleted me off Facebook.

I'm really pissed off about it tbh. I think most men would love that type of offer and I don't get why he turned so horrible.

OP posts:
FreudiansSlipper · 21/04/2013 11:10

Make the most of your time alone for a bit not too long. When you are in an emotional position to know what you really want you feel so much better about things when they do not turn out right :)

MooMooSkit · 21/04/2013 11:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

pickledginger · 21/04/2013 11:12

'The reason you cant get a bloke is probably your aggressive attitude.'

'Act like a bike, you'll be used like one.'

Misogynistic bullshit.

Casmama · 21/04/2013 11:12

OP I hope you ignore the judgemental BS from people like Holly who at twice your age has a different perspective.
You are perfectly within your rights to do what you did and I think those suggesting you we're a crap shag are disgusting and shouldn't have bothered o post if they couldn't be more constructive.
I don't think you have been aggressive in your response when you consider what you are responding to and hope you find an arrangement to suit your needs.

pickledginger · 21/04/2013 11:13

Yes. HollyBerryBush appears to be from the 1950s.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/04/2013 11:15

You sound nice, Ibelieve. I'm glad you're recovered from your relationship and getting your health back now. Sounds like you had a horrid time in the last year.

My advice would be to get out and about with friends and much as you can, meet as many new people as you can and keep in mind what dontyouwantmebaby says - FWB happens by mutual agreement.

I laughed a bit at Holly's post because I'm completely unconvinced that a sane man would ever confess their deepest thoughts and desires to their scrutinising and analytical partner. Wise ones feign innocent shock whilst quickly thinking of the 'right' response... There, just had a little dig back for you, Ibelieve. Grin

Mumsyblouse · 21/04/2013 11:17

This might not apply to you, but one of my friends on the dating scene really can't cope with one night stands or men just hooking up every now and again for sex. She thought she could, but she's too emotionally vulnerable, and gets fixated on them as if they are in a relationship.

If you are feeling emotionally delicate then perhaps NSA or even a FWB is not going to be the answer especially if you really do expect a longer term experience (based on sex or not).

Mumsyblouse · 21/04/2013 11:19

And, I also agree lots of men in bars are looking for relationships as well as NSA sex.

On this one, definitely time to move on.

Branleuse · 21/04/2013 11:22

i really dont think most men would jump at a chance of NSA sex.

Some men would, but most attractive men and women worth having, dont have any trouble finding willing sex partners if they want to. Doesnt mean they do.

NotDavidTennant · 21/04/2013 11:23

He seemed nice, but turns out he was a bit of a dick. Recognise that if you're going to have a NSA with someone you've more or less only just met then this is a risk you will take. Learn from it and move on. If you can't move on then maybe NSA aren't for you.

Original poster
Ibelieveyoubutmytommygundont · 21/04/2013 11:25

I think we go to the same places on a night out so I'll just have to make sure I'm looking my best, give him a big smile if I see him and then walk on by without a care in the world Grin

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 21/04/2013 11:25

Why was he a bit of a dick?

I think by avoiding the OP's questions regarding 'meeting up for round 2', he was probably trying to spare her feelings.

He just didn't want sex with her again that's all.

Branleuse · 21/04/2013 11:30

I think its a shame so many women feel that they have to pretend they want NSA, when in actual fact they only want strings attached one way, and they find it quite difficult to handle when the guy isnt particularly into them, even if hes happy to fuck them once.

Its happened to me before, and it was a hard lesson to learn

JennifersBody · 21/04/2013 11:32

Not surprised Holly hasn't come back. I love how people jump on the OP always saying - "you sound very aggressive".

And Holly it's very obvious on here that people hate it when someone say "my DH says ..." because no-one actually gives a shit what anyones DH says unless they come on here and say it for themselves.

You should also reassess how you judgmental you are towards your friends who are now single too. Otherwise with your attitude you might find yourself single and friendless too at some point.

lollilou · 21/04/2013 11:33

I think you've been hurt by this and maybe you are not ready for this type of NSA thing.
I imagine you're confidence has taken a knock from your past relationship and although you will prob deny it you do want to be wanted by this guy. I suggest moving on and perhaps taking a step back for a while.

GoblinGranny · 21/04/2013 11:49

He did jump at it, just not twice.
You could try again with a wig and a heavy accent, or you could look out for another opportunity for NSA sex with someone different.
Either way, I don't think he's a dick or a game-player, he had sex with you once, because that's what you offered and he wanted.

Branleuse · 21/04/2013 11:49

god I hate it when people decide to tell everyone what their DHs views are on a subject.

As if we give a fuck.

A MAN gave his view. Well that SETTLES the issue then.

digerd · 21/04/2013 11:50

I had only one friend with benefits - and it was only that he was in love with me but I wasn't with him. Hence my term 'friend'.

Then I met and fell head over heels in love with the man of my dreams and didn't want anyone else touching me or me touching them.

I did feel sorry for my friend, but I did not lead him on < and he did lie to me about his age as was much older than he said>.

patienceisvirtuous · 21/04/2013 11:51

Agree with those who said fwb is an organic thing that you have to play by ear - you can't really determine it upfront.

Dust yourself down OP and move on - but I can understand that it probably hurt and felt like a rejection of sorts. As others said, reassess whether you're resilient enough to handle no strings, and if you are, give it another go :-)

patienceisvirtuous · 21/04/2013 11:56

And yeah I also can't abide it when posters say 'I asked DH about this and he said blah blah'

This from Branleuse > As if we give a fuck

HollyBerryBush · 21/04/2013 11:59

I do apologise for not sitting perpetually at a PC waiting for someone to make a post. I tend to pop in and out as it suits me.

Anything specific you would like answered? Or have you all decided there is only one accepted POV?

ONS were never for me nor DH when he was young free and single. Of course we are of another generation. Christ, being 20 would be an horrible experience these days. Very unclear boundaries. Minefield to negotiate.

I was pointing out not all blokes are up for a ONS. They don't all dip their wicks when a bit of meat is put out on a plate.

Now if you'll all excuse me, I'm popping off again for a while. I do apologise for having other things to do on a beautiful sunny day Grin

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/04/2013 12:03

I hope that smugness doesn't come back to haunt you, HollyBerryBush. Your turn of phrase is horrid. It says quite a lot. Enjoy your sunshine...

patienceisvirtuous · 21/04/2013 12:08

Superiority complex much Holly?

Referring to someone as a piece of meat is vile.

JennifersBody · 21/04/2013 12:08

I think the only POV that everyone has accepted on here is that you are an extremely harsh and judgmental person.

You were not pointing out anything. You were having a dig and just being nasty for the sake of it. Really horrid attitude to have.

dontyouwantmebaby · 21/04/2013 12:15

I think whatever generation you are from, being in your twenties has always had its own minefield to navigate esp where (sexual) relationships are concerned.

No, not all blokes are up for a ONS. Similarly nor are all women. But some are. Its up to individuals what they choose to do with their bodies.

You can post from your picnic blanket in the sun these days you know...its not all about being perpetually chained to a PC waiting for someone to post. As for calling people pieces of meat. What a horrible, spiteful thing to say.

Anonymity of the internet really brings out the worst in some people.