HELP! Police at my door - apparently I have committed an offence.........

[TheAccused]

Police just came as they have received a complaint against me.

Yesterday afternoon I nip to Tesco after school pick up. No P&C spaces so I park further down in a row of which is almost all empty spaces. I have a large 7 seater (4 DC) and get fed up of people parking so close that I can't get the toddler into his car seat without a struggle, so I park a quarter way over the next space hoping no one will park in that space as there are plenty more empty spaces next to it. I rush round, get a call from DD as she has forgotten her keys and is waiting outside the front door at home, so go quicker, get outside and find some BUFFOON has parked in the space I have parked over, so close that I can only just about get the door open on the toddler's side. The next space was empty!

As a see this, I hold my hands up and say to the DC, 'For gods sake, why did this idiot have to park so close' not seeing that there is a teenage boy sat in the car. I was not actually talking TO him at that point.

Conversation then goes something like this:
Boy shouts out 'my dad parked it not me'. I say something like, 'well you should tell him that I parked like this so I could get my child in car, now I can't, he could have parked further along'. He says' you should'nt have parked over the line'. I tell him I can park where I like, there's no law against it. He says 'well we can park where we like as well'. I tell him it would be common decency for his father to make sure the next car can open their doors. As I am in a rush, I try to squeeze DS through the door, hitting his head in the process. He starts crying. The boy in the next car laughs. I take the trolley back muttering 'tosser' to myself and give him an evil stare as I drive off furious at myself for not parking in the middle of 2 spaces and for even having a dialogue with the boy.

So police just came and said I had committed a public disorder offence as I was 'shouting, screaming and swearing' at the boy which has left him very shaken as he suffers from anxiety. The boy wants a written apology from me and if I do that, it will not go any further. Otherwise I will have be interviewed and give a written statement.

I have said that I am not apologising as I have not committed any offence and the boy was mouthing back to me very confidently and did definitely not look anxious to me! I do actually suffer from anxiety and depression and this has completely knocked me for 6.

The police will call me to arrange an interview next week. I can't believe it. I am pretty sure I did not even raise my voice. There was no one else about except my DCs and they are adamant I did not shout or swear (I have even started doubting myself). I am going back to the store on Monday to request the CCTV footage but they are not sure if anything will show up in the car park and it probably won't have picked up my voice anyway to prove I was not shouting.

I cannot understand how the police can tell me that if I write an apology, they will drop it, when they have no proof that I did anything. They were making out I was guilty . Does this constitute a public disorder offence? I was just about to go out with the DCs to park before the police came. I am frozen with fear now.

I have a 2.5yo and a 6 month old. One toddler car seat and an isofix baby one. I have in the past, had to wiggle baby out of car sideways due to insufficient room to open the door wide enough. I have also had to leave pram outside car while I reversed to get enough room to open doors. I am always afraid of scratching other cars. So what I do is park at the end of a lane if possible, forward or reverse to let isofix seat be to open area or park on a line taking up two spots.... Never imagined I was -borderline criminal.
When the police spoke with you first op, it sounds like they had come to a conclusion before hearing your side.
I think they were BU. I think that you were NBU.
And I think that parking web site is a foul mouthed load of crap and I hate the C word. Yeuch

In my experience the police can do nothing for the reason you said. I had someone stalking and harassing me under a restraint order and each occasion i reported nothing could be done because i gave my version..he gave his. In domestic the police seem to refer to it as "he said, she said" and even under those circumstances, with many previous arrests and charges, they could not proceed with anything other than a warning without an independent witness.

Don't appologise.

Don't be suprised if they arrest you. It's not nice but it is actually a good thing in that then you can insist on a lawyer and you get legal aid.

Take at least one small child with you, they can't lock the child in a cell which they can with you.

Just in case take a good book.

The following is posted on an AV forum:

^until recently i always had a company car so a small dent or scratch didn't bother me so if i parked next to someone who'd parked badly i would make a point of getting as close to them as i could, even if that meant scooting over to the passenger seat to get out of the car.
Petty but fun^

I am a criminal lawyer. If I'd been called in to the police station for your interview -if it hadn't been dropped - and you gave me the account you have set out here, I would have been on the fence about whether to advise you to answer questions or make no comment. Your account of the exchange wouldn't amount to a S.5 POA offence. Even calling the teenager a tosser shouldn't amount to an offence.

BUT I have seen people charged with S.5 offences for telling other people to "fuck off" in public. So I wouldn't have been terribly happy for you to give an account, given that the account would include an admission of calling a 15 year-old - who wasn't aggressive or shouting - a tosser. I would be concerned about you finishing up charged or offered a caution because I don't think the police would take a particularly sympathetic view.

I would also have been advising you that it was highly unlikely that the boy was related to a police officer - just that a juvenile had made an allegation of an adult woman shouting and swearing at him because she disagreed with his father's parking - and that the police have a duty to investigate.

I think you need to have a bit of a think about how the same rules apply to you as to everyone else. If you want to park in a bit of a twatty way, you lose the moral highground when someone else parks in a twatty way. If you suffer from anxiety but are capable of conducting a robust exchange of views, someone else who suffers from anxiety deserves the courtesy of you believing that they too are capable of a robust exchange of views.

It seems a bit one-sided. "I'm justified in parking however I like but no-one else is. I suffer from anxiety, but don't believe someone else is."

It's up to you, obviously, but you're likely to get yourself into all sorts of confrontations if you carry on parking a big car across two spaces. People don't like it. People will think you're a bit twatty and responsd accordingly. I'm not saying that's right, but that's how it is.

I've driven a small car, a medium sized car and occasionally a big car. I've parked regularly in some tiny carparks. In all the years I've been driving there have been precisely two occasions when I haven't been able to get into the car. I'd just park properly and take the risk of the very rare occasion when there's a problem.

My mum got a parking ticket for using one and a half spaces in a supermarket carpark, even although the carpark was almost empty. She appealed but was told it was an offence, and did have to pay the fine.

mate she didn't double park. She parked outside the lines. Hardly unclassy.

I think the OP gave an honest account of an incident where she included her own contribution to the mess. She finished by saying she was frozen with fear. She is at home without her DP but with her small DCs. I think the police were at best heavy handed when they responded to a verbal complaint by calling to her door. (I had a similar experience many yrs ago with a traffic complaint). I think the police should have acted only with a written complaint.
The OP reached out to MN for advice and support, and there was more obsession with her parking than constructive help.

I saw a car being clamped for parking across two spaces.

kungfu Is a verbal complaint sufficient for the police to act or would it need to be written?

I think kung fu panda's advice is excellent. You can't expect to be the only one who is allowed to park in a twatty manner. If you can, so can others. And why disbelieve the teenager had anxiety issues?

I have two kids in car seats. It is very annoying when you can't get the kids in and out of the car, especially when you're on your own. I always try and get a p and c space or park on the end of a ow. I've never once parked over 2 spaces.

That said, I honestly think the police should have better things to do than go round to someone's house about this minor incident. It must be a very low crime area, surely!

Op you were bu to park the way you did. If you can't manage big car why not get a smaller one. They may have been unreasonable to make complaint but we don't know how much son was upset by what you said.

My DH parked in the way you did, at the Rugby Club. There was about 5 cars in the car park (and it remained that way). Clearly he was in the wrong as he was issued a parking ticket.

All of these parking difficulties can be easily resolved by having a car with a sliding door. Mine has changed my parking life for the better.

You were in the wrong parking over 2 space's , you were in the wrong to have a go at this boy , you are the growin up. look's like you will have to write the note. also i really hate when people park like this just becase you drive large.car and have children does not give you the right. also i think someone must have been watching so may well be witness's .

Couldn't you have wangled the toddler in from the opposite, unobstructed, side? Obviously it would have involved a bit of scrambling across the other seats, but surely better than trying to squash him in past the door on the 'proper' side and banging his head in the process.

I was just going to re-iterate (sp) pp when they say don't admit fault, Dh's ex was guilty of forging his cheques but wouldn't plead guilty and take the caution.

It went to court at which point the cps dropped it due to lack of funds. She admitted it on tape too, but said dh told her forge the chqs .

So, no criminal record etc.

I am well aware of what tosser means thanks, OP and you're doing a very nice impression of one

Surely moaning and muttering to yourself isn't a crime , fgs!
How about killer looks and sticking a finger up at someone, tutting and shaking their head?

OP did not swear or shout at the boy, she has repeated that several times, and is understandably getting frustrated with people not reading her post thoroughly.

Sorry am I being a bit dense Lisbeth? OP parked a quarter over the next space.That to me is double parking and whatever the car size, how ever quiet the car park smacks of entitlement and stupid parking.My DCs are grown up now but had 3 under 5 at one point and had a big MPV and this we pre P and C spaces existed and never would have parked like this.
Also am I missing something? presumably OP parking this way meant there was loads of room down the other side of the vehicle and climbing in and strapping your child in its seat from the other side in a 7 seater is easy - done it many times.But OP has a ' toddler side' to her vehicle and obviously expects everyone shopping to be aware of that!
Maybe,and not saying it right, the guy in the other car parked the way he did to make OP think about her own attitudes.
Can't believe Police have got involved but as OP is so convinced there's nothing wrong with her way of parking maybe she can't see/ admit there was a way of putting her child in the car without mouthing off and being confrontational - and then she could have driven away and tutted to herself and said 'tosser' in the privacy of her car for only her toddler to hear.
Re-reading the post seems to me OP was in a bad mood having to rush her shopping because her DD was hassling her for keys to the house and she took it out on the lad in the car next door.

Would say you may well hear from police again!

digerd I, and several others on this thread, consider tosser a swear word. So yes, she did swear at a child, whether she thinks she did it under her breath or not, he obviously heard.

and is understandably getting frustrated with people not reading her post thoroughly.

I think that cuts both way Digerd She has asked people to point out how she has been aggressive and provocative; they have and she has metaphorically stuck her fingers in her ears and sung lalalalala

Her dictionary defintions of 'agressive' whilst accurate are selective and non exhaustive. The last few words of each are just examples..there can be loads of others a lot of which would embrace her behaviour (as described by herself) .

And by her own quoting, number 4

boldly assertive and forward; pushy

seems to describe her posts here pretty accurately.

And like many others here, I am quite admiring of her double think: I have anxiety but he's making it up; I parked badly but no-one else may.

Someone else has said they think this may be a wind up....probably bang on the money. Doh!!!!

You need to develop a kind of zen calm, so that when some idiot parks so close you have to get in via the passenger side, you can save your energy by not getting worked up, but just quietly hope a whole flock of pigeons shit on their car.

That wasn't very helpful, obviously.