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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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HELP! Police at my door - apparently I have committed an offence.........

650 replies

TheAccused · 20/04/2013 16:20

Police just came as they have received a complaint against me.

Yesterday afternoon I nip to Tesco after school pick up. No P&C spaces so I park further down in a row of which is almost all empty spaces. I have a large 7 seater (4 DC) and get fed up of people parking so close that I can't get the toddler into his car seat without a struggle, so I park a quarter way over the next space hoping no one will park in that space as there are plenty more empty spaces next to it. I rush round, get a call from DD as she has forgotten her keys and is waiting outside the front door at home, so go quicker, get outside and find some BUFFOON has parked in the space I have parked over, so close that I can only just about get the door open on the toddler's side. The next space was empty!

As a see this, I hold my hands up and say to the DC, 'For gods sake, why did this idiot have to park so close' not seeing that there is a teenage boy sat in the car. I was not actually talking TO him at that point.

Conversation then goes something like this:
Boy shouts out 'my dad parked it not me'. I say something like, 'well you should tell him that I parked like this so I could get my child in car, now I can't, he could have parked further along'. He says' you should'nt have parked over the line'. I tell him I can park where I like, there's no law against it. He says 'well we can park where we like as well'. I tell him it would be common decency for his father to make sure the next car can open their doors. As I am in a rush, I try to squeeze DS through the door, hitting his head in the process. He starts crying. The boy in the next car laughs. I take the trolley back muttering 'tosser' to myself and give him an evil stare as I drive off furious at myself for not parking in the middle of 2 spaces and for even having a dialogue with the boy.

So police just came and said I had committed a public disorder offence as I was 'shouting, screaming and swearing' at the boy which has left him very shaken as he suffers from anxiety. The boy wants a written apology from me and if I do that, it will not go any further. Otherwise I will have be interviewed and give a written statement.

I have said that I am not apologising as I have not committed any offence and the boy was mouthing back to me very confidently and did definitely not look anxious to me! I do actually suffer from anxiety and depression and this has completely knocked me for 6.

The police will call me to arrange an interview next week. I can't believe it. I am pretty sure I did not even raise my voice. There was no one else about except my DCs and they are adamant I did not shout or swear (I have even started doubting myself). I am going back to the store on Monday to request the CCTV footage but they are not sure if anything will show up in the car park and it probably won't have picked up my voice anyway to prove I was not shouting.

I cannot understand how the police can tell me that if I write an apology, they will drop it, when they have no proof that I did anything. They were making out I was guilty Angry. Does this constitute a public disorder offence? I was just about to go out with the DCs to park before the police came. I am frozen with fear now.

OP posts:
lougle · 20/04/2013 21:07

Sometimes, just sometimes, people can be so used to speaking aggressively, that they don't even realise they are doing it. OP, do you think that may apply here? From where I'm sitting, your responses to people have been quite hostile...

YABU, btw. Line markers are there to mark spaces. You are allowed one space. You took 2, deliberately. You then got into a confrontation with a boy. Even if you did initially mutter to yourself and he responded, why couldn't you just say 'oops, sorry....'

Anyhow, you have a 7 seater. They have flat bottomed floors. That means you can climb in one side and strap your toddler in the other. In fact, in my Galaxy, I've even been known to climb in the boot and strap the children in. Inconvenient, yes. Impossible, no.

difficultpickle · 20/04/2013 21:12

I'm amazed you live in an area where the police actually have the time to follow up on this. I wouldn't be apologising either.

redskyatnight · 20/04/2013 21:31

I'm thinking of this from the boy's pov tbh.

"I was sitting in the car in the supermarket car park, waiting for my dad to come back with the shopping. The lady in the next car came back with her shopping and made a sarcastic remark in my direction about idiots and bad parking. It's true we had parked quite close to her, but that's because SHE had parked well across the parking lines. I didn't appreciate her having a go at me, so I told her that it wasn't my fault but my dad's. Rather than just accepting this she carried on talking to me in a patronising tone about how inconsiderate he was. I felt I had to stick up for my dad so I tried to respond to what she was saying. She obviously was getting angry because she then managed to bang her own child's head when she was trying to put him in the car. I unfortunately ended up laughing nervously - not that I thought it was funny that her kid was hurt but I didn't know how to diffuse the situation. She gave me a really dirty look and called me a tosser before driving up. I was really shaken up by the whole thing, but don't know how I should have behaved differently."

LadyBeagleEyes · 20/04/2013 21:39

Yes, redsky, I like that.Smile.
Teenagers are just kids too, and he didn't give the Op a mouthful and wasn't aggressive in any way. I bet it was nervous laughter too.
There's too many people out there who probably don't have teens that are ready to blame them for everything because, of course, they're all cocky Hmm.
Anyway Op, yours will also be teenagers one day,I bet you change your tune then.

thebeastandbeauty · 20/04/2013 21:44

It's all a moot point, anyway. He didn't park too close to your car door - you parked your car door to close to another parking space.

BigBoobiedBertha · 20/04/2013 21:52

She didn't make a sarcastic remark in the boy's direction though, did she? She didn't know he was there and she was talking to her DC not to him. He was the one who chose to speak to her and let her know he was listening. If he hadn't, if he had kept his head down and his mouth shut she wouldn't have answered him.

I wouldn't have started up a conversation with her at that age and I think he was very foolish to do so.

MadBusLady · 20/04/2013 21:57

I think lougle's hit the nail on the head. If OP's stroppy responses here are anything to go by, it's quite possible people feel a bit aggressed by her in real life. Maybe take up a martial art?

ilovesooty · 20/04/2013 22:10

I suspect that lougle is right too. I wouldn't ne surprised from her responses to find that the OP is defensive/confrontational as a default.

cornydash · 20/04/2013 22:14

the boy didn't 'strike up a conversation' with the OP - the OP was throwing insults in his direction and he defended himself.

MyDarlingClementine · 20/04/2013 22:16

I feel for you accused, esp that you thought the worst when the police came to your door, def sounds like related to a police officer....

Its been dropped, try and forget it now.

MyDarlingClementine · 20/04/2013 22:17

I disagree Redsky,

I think it was more the dad slagging off the poor parking...seemingly chose to park right next to her even with other spaces free....all a bit of a crack...shit woman driver....and boy carried that on....laughing etc...

JerseySpud · 20/04/2013 22:17

Buy a car you can actually drive and park.

Don't expect everyone else to fit in around you.

imaginethat · 20/04/2013 22:18

OP you come across as aggressive and you were very foolish to engage in conversation with the boy. But I believe that the police involvement was absurd and a waste of public resources.

I iimagine that there is a police officer in the boy's family. If you wanted to thrash it out, you could get legal advice and possibly complain about police conduct as I doubt very much they should have visited you in the basis of what you've told us.

However, probably your best way forward is to be more aware of how antagonistic you are, from your parking to your conversations with strangers to your posting in forums. You are exactly the sort of person who ends up with problems that could have v easily been avoided. Park politely, avoid confrontation and, when you do need to speak, choose your words carefully.

cornydash · 20/04/2013 22:19

if the teenager had been a 15 year old girl with anxiety, I expect the OP would have had different responses. There's a lot of prejudice here about teenage boys being 'cocky '

horrible.

Gingerodgers · 20/04/2013 22:24

Well the anxiety you suffer from will get a whole lot worse as a direct result of you refusing to back down , because if what? Pride? You are a nutter op, a little bit of humility from you and this would be over, but no, you've got to make a point, and risk getting a police record.

MrsDeVere · 20/04/2013 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyBeagleEyes · 20/04/2013 22:28

It's still a fact that the boy just responded to the aggressive Op.
And the worse he did as far as I can see is laugh. I think probably from nerves.
He was blameless as were your kids.
Maybe when his dad came back he was feeling a bit attacked and dad called the police.
Not something I'd have done TBF, but if I'd been the parent and you'd had verbalyl attacked my teen son, over something that was my fault or yours, depends how you look at it I'd have been raging.
Teens have feelings too Wink.

CelticPixie · 20/04/2013 22:44

I don't have anything to add other than I fucking hate it when people park over two parking spaces. It's very selfish and arrogant.

Chocoflump · 20/04/2013 22:44

Parking across 2 spaces is selfish! You aren't the only person with a big car! Alot of people with big cars seem to think they own the bloody roads and car parks! If you can't park it- you shouldn't be driving it!!

Fwiw I drive a Citroen C8, an 8 seater car Shock and I fit perfectly well in a standard space. If there's a P&C one free then it's great because they have more room, but if not then I make do with a normal space, and am able to get my toddler and baby into their car seats! Hmm

MidniteScribbler · 20/04/2013 22:54

I know who the tosser in this story really is.

nenevomito · 20/04/2013 22:54

I've been wondering about this thread and you know what? It's inspired me to action for tomorrow!

To indulge my evil side, I'm going to drive to the supermarket 5 mins from where I live, park my car across two lines in the car park then walk home. As I do this, I'll be cackling in the knowledge, that this is akin to kicking puppies in unreasonableness.

For maximum effect, I may take the kids seats out of the back and do it in the parent and child bays.

MmeThenardier · 20/04/2013 22:59

And for the crime of parking across two parking bays babyheave the mumsnet jury will duly sentence you to a visit from two police officers and whatever else you get cos you'll deserve it.

watches out for pendant

LadyBeagleEyes · 20/04/2013 23:02

Is that still going on Mrs DV?

VinegarDrinker · 20/04/2013 23:04

You only get the coppers if you find a random teenager to swear at while you're there.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 20/04/2013 23:06

Personall speaking I wouldn't park next to someone who went across two spaces because I'd assume they were so bad at parking that they'd bump my car.And as I'd chosen to park next to them, then it would be partly my responibilty.
I had a huge 4x4 park so close to me last week (shopping mall, loads of spaces, not anywhere near the enterances) and I was in my 'lines'.
I couldn't get my door open wider than 6" and I had to go through the passenger door.
And they had folded in my wing mirror (should be grateful, huh) but in doing so, they'd have to look at the space between the two cars. Didn't think obviously "Ooh, biy close there"