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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

HELP! Police at my door - apparently I have committed an offence.........

650 replies

TheAccused · 20/04/2013 16:20

Police just came as they have received a complaint against me.

Yesterday afternoon I nip to Tesco after school pick up. No P&C spaces so I park further down in a row of which is almost all empty spaces. I have a large 7 seater (4 DC) and get fed up of people parking so close that I can't get the toddler into his car seat without a struggle, so I park a quarter way over the next space hoping no one will park in that space as there are plenty more empty spaces next to it. I rush round, get a call from DD as she has forgotten her keys and is waiting outside the front door at home, so go quicker, get outside and find some BUFFOON has parked in the space I have parked over, so close that I can only just about get the door open on the toddler's side. The next space was empty!

As a see this, I hold my hands up and say to the DC, 'For gods sake, why did this idiot have to park so close' not seeing that there is a teenage boy sat in the car. I was not actually talking TO him at that point.

Conversation then goes something like this:
Boy shouts out 'my dad parked it not me'. I say something like, 'well you should tell him that I parked like this so I could get my child in car, now I can't, he could have parked further along'. He says' you should'nt have parked over the line'. I tell him I can park where I like, there's no law against it. He says 'well we can park where we like as well'. I tell him it would be common decency for his father to make sure the next car can open their doors. As I am in a rush, I try to squeeze DS through the door, hitting his head in the process. He starts crying. The boy in the next car laughs. I take the trolley back muttering 'tosser' to myself and give him an evil stare as I drive off furious at myself for not parking in the middle of 2 spaces and for even having a dialogue with the boy.

So police just came and said I had committed a public disorder offence as I was 'shouting, screaming and swearing' at the boy which has left him very shaken as he suffers from anxiety. The boy wants a written apology from me and if I do that, it will not go any further. Otherwise I will have be interviewed and give a written statement.

I have said that I am not apologising as I have not committed any offence and the boy was mouthing back to me very confidently and did definitely not look anxious to me! I do actually suffer from anxiety and depression and this has completely knocked me for 6.

The police will call me to arrange an interview next week. I can't believe it. I am pretty sure I did not even raise my voice. There was no one else about except my DCs and they are adamant I did not shout or swear (I have even started doubting myself). I am going back to the store on Monday to request the CCTV footage but they are not sure if anything will show up in the car park and it probably won't have picked up my voice anyway to prove I was not shouting.

I cannot understand how the police can tell me that if I write an apology, they will drop it, when they have no proof that I did anything. They were making out I was guilty Angry. Does this constitute a public disorder offence? I was just about to go out with the DCs to park before the police came. I am frozen with fear now.

OP posts:
ouryve · 20/04/2013 18:22

I lost track of that halfway through, but are the police under-worked where you live?

thebeastandbeauty · 20/04/2013 18:23

"I am not an asshole who deliberately parks so close people can't open the door"

Nope. You're just an asshole who takes up two spaces when you only need one.

complexnumber · 20/04/2013 18:26

"I was ... at the boy which has left him very shaken as he suffers from anxiety."

"I do actually suffer from anxiety and depression"

So you expect us to dismiss his claims, but accept yours... because you said the word 'actually' implying he must have been making things up.

fascicle · 20/04/2013 18:28

I don't understand how the police can decide you have committed a public order offence, 'shouting screaming and swearing' etc, if they haven't yet taken a statement from you. How can they reach conclusions based on (presumably) just the boy's account? I would go ahead with the interview and statement and not panic. If it's just the boy's word against yours, it's hard to imagine there's anything for them to pursue.

Salmotrutta · 20/04/2013 18:31

The police are not taking it any further

LadyBeagleEyes · 20/04/2013 18:32

I think my teenage son would have been a bit upset and embarrassed if I'd left him in the car and some rude women had a go at him.
It wasn't him that actually parked the car, he was just a helpless passenger.
What was he supposed to say or do?
You should have been brave enough for his parent to come back and argue the odds with them. You both parked thoughtlessly, but it was no more the teenager's fault than your childrens.

Fenton · 20/04/2013 18:33

This is nothing, my nephew has a VW van, which he loves btw, and he parks it horizontally across two spaces, admittedly in the far far corner of a car park which is always empty. Seems to me that's an obvious message, 'don't park next to me a dent my car, you tossers ok?'

I used to find it a bit cheeky but if seems to work for him.

IntheFrame · 20/04/2013 18:37

Sorry but it's a sad world when parking incorrectly when there was plenty of spaces is considered offensive. There are always threads about "herd" mentality" when people sit next to you on trains or at the beach or park next to you despite being loads of room elsewhere.

Hope all you indignant lot park properly when you are in a deserted car late at night. Surely common sense is still available in some parts of this country.

VinegarDrinker · 20/04/2013 18:53

Calling a teenager a tosser (under your breath or not) is seriously classy behaviour. Way to go OP. Great example to your own DC.

Jinsei · 20/04/2013 19:03

If the car park was really as empty as you say it was, why didn't you park on the end of a row somewhere. Can't believe that the middle of each row was empty and all of the ends were full! Hmm Or why didn't you just wait until one of the P&C spaces was available? If the shop wasn't busy, you wouldn't have had to wait long?

Or was the car park not actually so empty after all? Thing is, I can't imagine why someone would deliberately park in a space that had been hijacked by someone else unless the car park was really busy, or unless they wanted to be nearer to the shop. Perhaps the empty space on the other side of this driver wasn't empty when he pulled in.

I saw it happen in tesco today. Busy car park, arsehole with a big car taking up more than one space and forcing little old ladies to park over at the other end of the car park. I just think it's really selfish.

Fleecyslippers · 20/04/2013 19:04

Why didn't you put your son in on the other side of the car ?

landofsoapandglory · 20/04/2013 19:07

I think that you were ruder than you are admitting TBH.

I am disabled and have an MPV. I did have a 7 seater and when there are no disabled spaces, or P&C spaces, I still park between the lines and can manage to open the door wide enough to get out with my sticks. It has never occurred to me to take up 2 spaces. I think it is really rude and very inconsiderate.

TheEmptyChild · 20/04/2013 19:12

YABVU This has nothing to do with parking and everything to do with your attitude when, as an adult, you got into an argument in a public place with a teenager about something that was outwith his control.

For future notice (since you do seem genuinely confused about the law)

  • Causing someone alarm in a public place can be deemed a public order offence (like breach of the peace). You don't have to shout. The volume isn't the decider on whether it's a public order offence or not.I know because a friend of mine was distressed because of an incident in a carpark that only involved speaking. The perpetrator didn't scream and shout but they did cause alarm. You did the same.

  • Our local police would have responded immediately (as they did in the instance above). Response time was not influenced by being friends with a police officer or related to one Hmm . It's actually something that a lot of forces prioritise.

  • If you park over the lines in our area (not a private supermarket carpark but actually in the street) then you will receive a fine or your car will be towed. Bearing in mind that can be the outcome, perhaps you should practise parking between the lines wherever you are so you don't get confused and try supermarket parking on the main street and find your car has disappeared.

MmeThenardier · 20/04/2013 19:16

A 15 year old spoke to the OP, she replied. A short dialogue followed in which it sounds like no one was lost for words.

How has this become "having a go at a child"?

FFS this has become one of those ludicrous threads on so many levels.

Anyway glad to hear the police aren't wasting any more time or money on this. power hungry bullies

skaen · 20/04/2013 19:17

You were in a private carpark so you were not committing a criminal offence by your parking. It was inconsiderate and the supermarket may attempt to fine you if they have their act together (which they probably don't). Parking on the street is enforceable by the council usually which is a completely different issue. Private carparks cannot tow, clamp and have to make the arrangements for fines very clear before they are allowed to enforce.

Anyway, it's MN and a parking thread so you're bound to be wrong. As the boy has already dropped it, have some wine or chocolate and don't worry. If he hadn't dropped it (and for future reference) don't write any letters without getting some legal advice.

Mawgatron · 20/04/2013 19:18

calling someone a tosser is swearing op, it is the same as wanker.

cornydash · 20/04/2013 19:20

I am Hmm at the OP questioning the boy's anxiety and suggesting that he was 'mouthing back' to her.

cornydash · 20/04/2013 19:21

...and perhaps he was sat in the car because of his anxiety

LadyBeagleEyes · 20/04/2013 19:23

My ds is very respectful of adults.
At 15 I think he'd have been a bit alarmed at Op's rage.
It wasn't his fault how his dad parked.

thebeastandbeauty · 20/04/2013 19:23

"Boy shouts out 'my dad parked it not me'. I say something like, 'well you should tell him that I parked like this so I could get my child in car, now I can't, he could have parked further along' "

The kids is 15, he didn't park the car. You know that, you know it isn't fault. Why 'should' he tell his Dad where to park????

You should have kept your mouth shut. It was quite clear from his approach that he wasn't defending the parking, merely explaining that he wasn't responsible.

If anyone is playing mumsnet bingo, then here you go - you sound like an entitled bully, OP.

mercibucket · 20/04/2013 19:25

I would imagine he is related to a police officer and on that basis I would complain to the police. Do you know the details of the police officer who you spoke to?
This once happened to an elderly relative of mine over her dog. We found out it was the policeman son of one of the neighbours who called round, but as if it was official.

doyouwantfrieswiththat · 20/04/2013 19:26

...but the boy laughed when her ds banged his head and started crying....he deserves the wrath of mumsnet.

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/04/2013 19:27

"I can park where ever I like"

"Yes in future I shall park right in the middle of 2 bays don't worry."

Entitled much.

You are second only to those that block people's drives on the school run.

ZZZenagain · 20/04/2013 19:30

I wouldn't worry about it, nothing will come of it. It is your word against the boy's word. I certainly would not write an apology.

cleoowen · 20/04/2013 19:32

very unreasonable of you yes. You can't expect people to not park next to you and how are they meant to know you need to get a toddler in and out? Very unreasonable to take up two spaces too.

It is annoying when people park so close you can't get car seat in and out but not the next cars problem. I have this problem and try and park where lots of spaces are, on the end or close to the other car on the other side. Or in the parents and child spaces,(which is rare if any are free)