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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a mother to teach her child to stop being a little shit

278 replies

Loopyhasanotherbean · 19/04/2013 21:07

We go to a toddler group and there is one child who attends who persistently gives an evil stare to other children before running at them and pushing them over. This has resulted in tears from the other children almost every week for months on end. He is 2 and is doing this on purpose and the others are too nice and kind to retaliate, not that we would want them to really. He also snatches whatever toy he wants from any other child or baby, using whatever force necessary to get his own way. None of the other children do anything to provoke this, they are all gentle well behaved toddlers and getting very upset and not knowing what they have done wrong to mean they get hurt.

She never apologises on his behalf and he won't say sorry (he isn't at all sorry). Are we all being unreasonable to expect her to start disciplining him, taking responsibility for his behaviour and teaching him how to behave towards the other children?? We don't know what to do, but I am not sure I can bite my tongue much longer. She is as far as I know a nice woman, but she does not tell him off and he doesn't go to nursery do there is no one else to discipline him....

OP posts:
wannabedomesticgoddess · 19/04/2013 21:10

He is 2. What exactly would you like her to say that would get through to a 2 year old.

Perhaps shes embarrassed at his behaviour. Isnt sure how to deal with it. Who knows! Not everyone sails through being a parent.

YABU.

mrsjay · 19/04/2013 21:11

tell him off she will soon take note of him he is only 2 you know he doesnt know what on purpose means , but I think it is ok to tell him off if your child is being hurt,

CognitiveOverload · 19/04/2013 21:11

What I would do is teach my child how to respond appropriately. Good life lesson. There will always be children/people like this and you won't always be there to protect your child.

5318008 · 19/04/2013 21:12

He is 2, calling him a little shit is horrible

suebfg · 19/04/2013 21:12

YANBU - there are lots of examples of bad parenting around - this won't be the last you encounter.

EleanorFarjeon · 19/04/2013 21:12

I don't think calling a child 'a little shit' is a good start.

UnscentedStillRomantic · 19/04/2013 21:12

Yanbu to expect her to intervene, not at all.

I suspect calling him that on here though isn't going to strengthen your argument.

VinegarDrinker · 19/04/2013 21:12

YABU to call a 2 year old a little shit.

BedHanger · 19/04/2013 21:12

He's two - YANBU to expect the mother to discipline but YABVU to call a toddler a 'little shit'. :(

HollyBerryBush · 19/04/2013 21:13

Come back in 3 years when he's at school when he has been diagnosed with ADHD.

MoaningYoniWhingesAgain · 19/04/2013 21:13

He is a 2yo with an evil stare and snatches toys sometimes??

I don't know any 2yo's who are brilliant at taking turns/sharing. The evil stare sounds cool interesting.

CognitiveOverload · 19/04/2013 21:13

Yes at 2 he is not going to be able to control himself that much.

dontmeanto · 19/04/2013 21:14

How old is the mum? Next time he does something naughty, point it out to her loudly to make sure she notices and has to do something. "Sorry, but your little shit boy just hit that child/snatched away that toy/pushed that little girl over."

mrsjay · 19/04/2013 21:14

do you think he is plotting to take over the word moaning Grin

no 2 year old plays with anybody you do know that OP right

flippinada · 19/04/2013 21:14

How on earth does a 2 year old give an "evil stare"?

And why are you ascribing adult motives to a little boy who is behaving like a normal 2 year old?

Forwardscatter · 19/04/2013 21:14

Most two year olds snatch stuff, they're too small to understand ownership - everything is theirs.
Appreciate your frustration but its not nice or fair to refer to a 2yo as a 'shit'. For that, YABU.

suebfg · 19/04/2013 21:15

To be fair to OP, she is probably just expressing her frustration at the mother who is failing to discipline her child.

thornrose · 19/04/2013 21:15

That thread title makes you sound like a great big shit!

"He is 2 and doing this on purpose" and you know this for a fact!

ChairmanWow · 19/04/2013 21:16

He sounds like, well, a 2 year old. Toddlers are not renowned for being angels. My DS is 2 and is a lovely boy most of the time but I've seen him snatch toys and push other kids. I do however challenge him and ask him to apologise.

She should be setting boundaries so YANBU on that front, but the tone of your post suggests you are judging and blaming a child who is too young to fully understand the consequences of his actions.

DebsMorgan · 19/04/2013 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joanofarchitrave · 19/04/2013 21:16

could you have a session of the toddler group where you all play 'run from one end of the hall to the other screaming'?

Find an interesting/physical thing to play with (bubbles, balloon?) and a space away from the other kids, and play with him?

SherbertStraws · 19/04/2013 21:16

Do you understand children at all, the level of responsible blame you are apportioning to a 2 year old is staggering as is calling him a shit. I very much doubt the others are as well behaved as you imply. It sounds most unlikely

VinegarDrinker · 19/04/2013 21:17

How do you know he isn't sorry?

pollyblue · 19/04/2013 21:17

Have you spoken to whoever runsthe group and asked them to have a word with the mum re giving back toys he has snatched/telling him firmly 'no' if he pushes a child over?

YABU to expect a 2yo to apologise and YABU to call him a 'little shit'. If you start refering to a child in those terms you will grow to expect the worse of them, all the time.

ThoughtsPlease · 19/04/2013 21:18

The other children are 'all gentle well behaved toddlers' really?

All of them?

I have never been to a toddler group like that!

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