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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect a mother to teach her child to stop being a little shit

278 replies

Loopyhasanotherbean · 19/04/2013 21:07

We go to a toddler group and there is one child who attends who persistently gives an evil stare to other children before running at them and pushing them over. This has resulted in tears from the other children almost every week for months on end. He is 2 and is doing this on purpose and the others are too nice and kind to retaliate, not that we would want them to really. He also snatches whatever toy he wants from any other child or baby, using whatever force necessary to get his own way. None of the other children do anything to provoke this, they are all gentle well behaved toddlers and getting very upset and not knowing what they have done wrong to mean they get hurt.

She never apologises on his behalf and he won't say sorry (he isn't at all sorry). Are we all being unreasonable to expect her to start disciplining him, taking responsibility for his behaviour and teaching him how to behave towards the other children?? We don't know what to do, but I am not sure I can bite my tongue much longer. She is as far as I know a nice woman, but she does not tell him off and he doesn't go to nursery do there is no one else to discipline him....

OP posts:
PuffPants · 19/04/2013 21:18

YANBU to think she should tackle the issue.

It makes it very hard to teach your own child right from wrong when other parents don't bother.

Freddiemisagreatshag · 19/04/2013 21:19

He's 2.

FFS.

LadyBeagleEyes · 19/04/2013 21:20

An evil stare Hmm?
Is his name Damien?

JeremyPiven · 19/04/2013 21:20

And the others are all nice, kind, gentle and well-behaved?

They are 2 FFS, 2yr olds just do , they are impulsive. If mother isn't intervening/distracting that's not great, but you are attributing way too much meaning to the children's behaviour one way or the other

CloudsAndTrees · 19/04/2013 21:21

YANBU, although you are being too harsh about a small child. Direct your understandable anger at the mother, not the child.

She should pick him up and remove him when he does things like that. Two year olds understand the word no, and there is no excuse for her allowing her child to hurt others.

Complain to the group leader.

mrsjay · 19/04/2013 21:22

An evil stare ?
Is his name Damien?

\i was thinking stewie griffen Grin ( please say you watch family guy )

flippinada · 19/04/2013 21:22

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TimothyClaypoleLover · 19/04/2013 21:22

Loopy - I totally understand how you feel. A friend of mine has an aggressive child and refuses to discipline them. Said child attacks other children to the point no other child wants to be near them.

I get why you called him a "little shit" although please note that his behaviour is completely down to how he is being parented and not the child's fault. You need to speak to the mother and explain that her child's behaviour is not acceptable and she should at least be seen to be trying to do something about it. All parents have problems with their children but if you are seen to be trying to sort the situation other parents are more sympathetic/understanding.

I don't think 2 is too young to start discipline. Obviously every child is different in their understanding but they need to be guided to behave in a nice way.

pollyblue · 19/04/2013 21:22

mrsjays comment about no 2yo playing with anyone else is right on the nose too, at that age they are very much doing their own thing or playing alongside other dcs and if they want a different toy, for example, they'll do their level best to get it, even if it's being clutched by another child. The singlemindedness of the average toddler can be awe inspiring Grin

seeker · 19/04/2013 21:22

If I hear/see the expression "little shit" applied to a small child, is witch off instantly.

PuffPants · 19/04/2013 21:22

FGS people, it doesn't matter that he's 2. If your child shoves another child, you remove them from the situation, reprimand them sternly and make them apologise. It's as important for your own child as it is for the "victim" to see justice done.

Freddiemisagreatshag · 19/04/2013 21:22

PS. Calling a 2 year old a "little shit" is not really acceptable in my opinion.

He's not much more than a baby.

And I hate the "are we all" this that and the other - you are ALL talking about her behind her back. Seems bitchy and horrible to me.

flippinada · 19/04/2013 21:22

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pollyblue · 19/04/2013 21:23

obv pushing/shoving/rough behaviour needs to be checked, but i really doubt he's the only child there who's snatching and refusing to share

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 19/04/2013 21:24

A whole group (bar one) of lovely, kind, well behaved and gentle toddlers who never retaliate to being hit or provoke any other child? Where is this made up toddler group?

AngryGnome · 19/04/2013 21:24

An evil stare? How intriguing.

And where is this toddler group where all toddlers are well behaved, sharing, kind and never shove, push etc? I want to come, as I have never been to such a place!

AngryGnome · 19/04/2013 21:25

An evil stare? How intriguing.

And where is this toddler group where all toddlers are well behaved, sharing, kind and never shove, push etc? I want to come, as I have never been to such a place!
YABVU.

mrsjay · 19/04/2013 21:25

I do agree his behaviour needs to be checked he cant go around hurting other children in all seriousness his mum should be intervening but I do think if she isn't a gentle telling off or No dont do that from other parents or group leaders is ok

VinegarDrinker · 19/04/2013 21:26

I think most people agree the Mum should do something - even if just remove the toddler from the situation (though I would say a very firm no and expect an apology from my own 2yr old).

But it was the tone, the description of the child and the ascribing adult motives to a toddler that most people are responding to from what I can see.

DebsMorgan · 19/04/2013 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dontmeanto · 19/04/2013 21:27

I took the "little shit" as jokey exasperation...seriously doubt OP uses the term loosely on a daily basis.

I would be extremely frustrated if a toddler kept misbehaving like that without ANY parental intervention.

JeremyPiven · 19/04/2013 21:27

puffpants of course you do, the point most people are making is that you don't attribute anything to the personality of the child by this behaviour,mwhich is perfectly normal. And I don't believe the other children are so angelic. I have never met a 2yr old that doesnt snatch toys

thornrose · 19/04/2013 21:28

Vinegar - that is spot on.

mrsjay · 19/04/2013 21:28

it does sound like you are ganging up on the mum and singling her little boy out as the bully do these gentle toddler all waft about on air or something because the toddlers i work with are wild and all over the place

mrsjay · 19/04/2013 21:29

But it was the tone, the description of the child and the ascribing adult motives to a toddler that most people are responding to from what I can see.

yes the words evil stare little shit and on purpose is not on when describing a 2 yr old