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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is a daft suggestion

128 replies

idontbeeleaveit · 15/04/2013 21:32

Am going to be working away during the week, returning at weekends for a short period (5 weeks.) Original plan was to stay in a premier inn and work are paying for this (I am going to be going to a new workplace just to bridge a gap on a temporary basis.)

DP tells me I should, on my first day, announce in the meeting that I need somewhere to stay during the week.

I can't think of anything worse. I don't want to stay in a stranger's house, I'd feel really embarrassed at asking and after a day at work I want to chill out, watch bad TV and eat takeaways, but DP thinks I should save the money.

I can see his point but I really don't fancy it. AIBU?

OP posts:
LadyBeagleEyes · 15/04/2013 22:48

Actually reading all your posts Op, I think this time in a hotel will give you time to take stock about this relationship, he sounds like the cheapest of cheapskates.
Isn't it your money too?
Why would you sit and freeze under a duvet rather blast on the heating if you're cold?
And if some bloke wanted to share my umbrella in the middle of the night I'd find it a bit scary.
I

stealthsquiggle · 15/04/2013 22:53

I get you OP - I don't think there would be anything ethically wrong with saving the money if you had someone you wanted to stay with (although there might, as someone said, be tax implications)

However, since you don't, you should make the most of peaceful evenings. If it were me, I would take my sewing machine with me.

formicaqueen · 15/04/2013 22:57

would a one bed holiday let be better?

squeakytoy · 15/04/2013 23:00

Its reasonable to expect your colleagues to invite you round for the evening, for dinner, or to go out for a drink... but nobody would really want to stay with strangers like a member of the family for 5 weeks..

AnyFucker · 15/04/2013 23:03

Your husband sounds really horrible, for several reasons

WorrySighWorrySigh · 15/04/2013 23:19

Having stayed away from home for work many, many times I would definitely opt for the Premier Inn option rather than staying with colleagues or even staying in a 'characterful' hotel. After work all I want to do is retire to somewhere anonymous for a quiet evening. Even the thought of staying with a colleague would make me tired and stressed.

One tip, if staying away from home for any length of time, I avoid counting down the days. I put the thought of how many days to go to the back of my mind. I try to 'live in the moment' thinking only about the work of the day.

Good luck with the job.

VelvetSpoon · 15/04/2013 23:42

I had to work at another office 5 hours away for 3 months. Company booked my hotel, but there's no way I would have wanted to stay with anyone up there, even if it meant I could pocket some of the budget, I like my own space too much!

I think that pennypinching on the scale your DH does (he sounds incredibly like the Ex of a friend of mine) is actually like a disease. There's nothing wrong with being frugal, but only ever parking for free (even if it involves a walk of several miles), eating out of date food, never putting the heating on, goes WAY beyond that. The guy I know - who has a decent job, mortgage free home etc - also either never buys a round, or if he does makes sure that there is enough time left before last orders for everyone in the round to buy him one back, has never bought tea/coffee/sugar/loo roll for YEARS because he takes them from hotels/work, collects rainwater for loo flushing/washing machine etc...the list goes on and on!

SquinkiesRule · 16/04/2013 05:09

After reading some of he updates, I think your Dh has pushed over the line from thrifty into down right mean.
My Dh tried to push us in that direction many years ago. I pushed back told him he was being a tightwad, and no way was her going to taint my children's memories of childhood by not ever having a day out anywhere that cost entrance money or freezing in winter (boiling in summer as we need A/C here) He pulled himself together, we ate out occasionally, went to theme parks occasionally and saved and never broke the bank.
OP your Dh needs to realize that he's going to the wrong side of the line, he'll be trying to dry out toilet paper and kitchen rolls and re use tea bags over and over next.

Trillz · 16/04/2013 08:07

I do wonder how on earth you manage to live with someone who doesn't get privacy or personal space or winding down.

hackmum · 16/04/2013 08:19

Feeling very sorry for the OP. It sounds as if he has two problems - one is that he's very mean with money, which is an awful thing to live with, the other that he has a poor understanding of what constitutes socially appropriate behaviour. Would you think of showing him this thread? Or would that make things worse?

ChippingInLovesSpring · 16/04/2013 19:04

Well, I'm glad you haven't let him push you into doing it :)

How long have you been together?

Are you happy? I couldn't be happy with him and I would wonder if a child could grow up happy with someone like him?

AnyoneforTurps · 16/04/2013 20:51

I think some of the LTB comments are a bit overblown. Some people have severe anxiety around money. I had an elderly relative like this - she'd had a very difficult childhood with no money because her alcoholic father had spent it all. Being incredibly penny-pinching was her way of protecting herself from going hungry again, but she was a lovely, caring person in all other respects.

OTOH the umbrella incident also makes me wonder whether he has mild Asperger's and the obsessiveness over spending could be part of that too.

I think the OP's DH could do with some help in recognising that he has a problem. I don't that he is necessarily a bad husband or father.

WafflyVersatile · 16/04/2013 21:06

If a work colleague of some sort was going to be staying with me I'd want paid for it anyway.

Stay in a Premier Inn. It's fine for a few days a week for a few weeks.

Ah! Just saw. Of course they're not going to give you any money you save!

StealthOfficialCrispTester · 16/04/2013 21:21

Waffle the op gets a lump sum as a relocation allowance type thing. While its presumably loosely based on living costs for the period, it's not an expenses type arrangement.

Original poster
idontbeeleaveit · 16/04/2013 21:28

Stealth - that's right, it's living costs and extra petrol costs and so on as I will be going home at weekends.

Squinkies we're already there with the tea bags. I don't know what it is. I don't think it is Aspergers really - it can't be surely, as he is personable and affable to people he meets but there are a number of niggling things that do embarrass me.

Like the umbrella but also they way he will mimic people's accents. I don't think he knows he's doing it - I'm positive he doesn't in fact. We live in an area with a distinctive local accent and when talking to someone with a strong accent he adopts it as well. I know we all do that to an extent, I certainly become less conscious of BBC English around them, but he sounds like he's taking the piss. Took the cat to the vet once and the vet was a very camp Australian - DP started mimicking his accent - was dying.

He talks endlessly about the weather to the point where I don't actually enjoy sunny days because of the near constant ejaculations of how nice a day it is. Has no qualms about sitting in the garden in a pair of underpants and socks despite us being very overlooked Blush

Petty isn't it? But I have been finding him so very irritating for so very long.

OP posts:
foreverondiet · 16/04/2013 21:28

My work give a £25 per night "friends and family allowance" to try and encourage staff to stay with friends. But HMRC have said that its now taxable so its probably going to be withdrawn and everyone just stays in a hotel - or with friends / family for no compensation.

Your DH is a loon! Would only get hotel money with receipts. And how awful to be staying in strangers house for so long!

Floggingmolly · 16/04/2013 21:36

Family and frends are acceptable, forever, paid or not.
But complete strangers putting you up for free, (or at all, really) knowing you were in fact being paid an allowance that would easily cover hotel costs is not something a normal person would expect.
There again, a man asking an unknown woman at 3am if he can get under her fucking umbrella is not the act of a sane person either.
Sorry op.

YellowDinosaur · 16/04/2013 21:38

AIBU to be getting the rage reading this thread at the shear number of people who are not reading properly that THE OP IS GETTING PAID A LUMP SUN FOR RELOCATION DO WON'T NEED RECEIPTS!!!

Sorry for that but really!

Op YANBU to prefer to stay in a hotel rather than in a strangers house. The only thing I'd do differently is look for a serviced apartment which you could probably negotiate a cheap deal on given that you'll be there for so long. This is because it would do my head in to have to eat takeaways for 6 Weeks and I'd much prefer the option of being able to cook for myself and more importantly have a fridge for the wine.

StealthOfficialCrispTester · 16/04/2013 21:39

I'm in a b and b right now. Bliss.

StealthOfficialCrispTester · 16/04/2013 21:42

I don't eat takeaways btw. I grab yummy salads or sandwiches from the aupermarkrt. Or sushi. Or waiteose do those lovely crystal spring roll type things that I had once annd have never seen again :(

AnyoneforTurps · 16/04/2013 21:43

they way he will mimic people's accents. I don't think he knows he's doing it - I'm positive he doesn't in fact.

My mother does this and - though she is barking mad - she's nothing like your DH Smile. I think some people just can't help doing it. It's an advanced form of the mirroring that we all do naturally.

LadyBeagleEyes · 16/04/2013 21:44

Sunbathing in underpants and socks while droning on about the weather?
Oh dear.Grin
How long have you been together?
I'd have killed him by now.

olivertheoctopus · 16/04/2013 21:49

Yikes. I'd take the Premier Inn any day over a colleague's house if work are paying for the hotel.

StealthOfficialCrispTester · 18/04/2013 09:00

Any update op?

Fudgemallowdelight · 18/04/2013 09:33

"Has no qualms about sitting in the garden in a pair of underpants and socks despite us being very overlooked" Shock

Are they at least boxer style pants that look like shorts, rather than "briefs" or Y fronts?