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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is a daft suggestion

128 replies

idontbeeleaveit · 15/04/2013 21:32

Am going to be working away during the week, returning at weekends for a short period (5 weeks.) Original plan was to stay in a premier inn and work are paying for this (I am going to be going to a new workplace just to bridge a gap on a temporary basis.)

DP tells me I should, on my first day, announce in the meeting that I need somewhere to stay during the week.

I can't think of anything worse. I don't want to stay in a stranger's house, I'd feel really embarrassed at asking and after a day at work I want to chill out, watch bad TV and eat takeaways, but DP thinks I should save the money.

I can see his point but I really don't fancy it. AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsOakenshield · 15/04/2013 21:55

oh right. But you'd still surely pay whoever put you up, wouldn't you? All sounds a bit MPs expenses . . .

I'd bloody love to live in a hotel for a bit, even a premier inn!

Ask your DH if he's be happy to have a stranger live with him, without paying, for 5 weeks.

Original poster
idontbeeleaveit · 15/04/2013 21:56

Sparkle, no, I'm a bit pissed off with him really. He can be lovely but I do get fed up with his behaviour which in all honesty sometimes makes me want to cringe, and it often comes down to penny-pinching and stinginess.

Like going into town is a nightmare as he won't pay for parking so we end up walking miles often in rainy weather and with a toddler. Or sitting with a duvet wrapped around us when it snows outside as he won't have the heating on. Or things like this when he doesn't give a shit who he puts out as long as he saves some money - he once decided we were going to stay with a 'friend' of his for a free holiday. The friend needless to say is no longer a friend.

OP posts:
BruthasTortoise · 15/04/2013 21:57

If this is a stealthy way of asking if a kind Mumsnetter will put you up for 5 weeks you're going to have to give more details Grin

YADefinitelyNBU, wouldn't consider it in a million years!

aldiwhore · 15/04/2013 21:57

idontbeeleaveit sorry, just loving him more now Grin You've made me proper chuckle, I realise it's probably inappropriate in your current dilemma, and I'm sure living with him is interesting but you've really made me chortle. I have had wine. I will share!

I shall channel my late Granny now, she was married for 50plus years, and often said that lies are the best thing for all round happiness, and fair play, Grandad was a happy sod up until his untimely death. (perhaps shouldn't have added that bit)

"I'll see what I can do husband" is probably the best response you could offer him right now? (and then continue with what you're comfy with) x

AnyoneforTurps · 15/04/2013 21:57

I love hotels, preferably big anonymous ones where I could die quietly without anyone noticing or caring. Comes of growing up in a village of 200 people. Nothing puts me off a hotel or B&B more than a review saying "It was a home from home". Grin

So YANBU at all. Your DH must be a loon. Do you want to start the new job by pissing off your colleagues, marking yourself as a nutter and (arguably) defrauding the company. Sounds like your DH is Envy of your new job.

Inertia · 15/04/2013 21:57

If he's that bothered about the money then he can offer to rent out space in your house to a complete stranger 5 days a week for 6 weeks.

Even if work pay it as a relocation package, you'd still need to pay rent to the person you stayed with. I'd take a look at shared house rental costs in the area, and wouldn't be surprised if they turned out to be just a little more than the hotel costs. Then I'd show these to DH as proof that his idea is batshit.

Original poster
idontbeeleaveit · 15/04/2013 21:58

lady haha :)

Not sure why it sounds MP expenses. I have a skill which another workplace will benefit from and they want me to train up their employees. This involves me living 2 and a half hours away from my home for 6 weeks - I think it's only fair I get my expenses paid!

OP posts:
AprilFoolishness · 15/04/2013 21:58

I would definitely suggest ringing round a few places that are out of your budget and seeing if they'll do a deal, and definitely vote for a serviced apartment if you can find one. It makes such a difference to be able to sort your own food out.

One of my colleagues ended up adopting the work experience kid when he ended up staying on for longer than planned, and spent quite a lot of evenings at her flat, but that was after they'd struck up a bit of an odd-ball friendship, not from Day 1!

aldiwhore · 15/04/2013 21:59

I think you need to just ignore him in general. Let him do what he sees fit, and don't argue, just carry on doing as you will. Peace!

Fudgemallowdelight · 15/04/2013 21:59

Arrange for a paying foreign exchange student to stay with him for the 5 weeks you are away. It would be a good way for him to make some pin money and i'm sure he would enjoy hosting.

Original poster
idontbeeleaveit · 15/04/2013 21:59

Aldi - you've actually really made me see the funny side, thanks! Grin

I am sure any of DP's friends who move abroad or to a touristy area of the country stealthily change their numbers Blush

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 15/04/2013 22:01

And it's certainly NOT similar to Mp's expenses unless you've actually bought a house and are claiming for cushions and moat cleaning?

Floggingmolly · 15/04/2013 22:01

But it's not "only fair" that you pocket the money and leech off a colleague for 6 weeks, thus not actually incurring said expenses, is it?

EverybodysSootyEyed · 15/04/2013 22:01

YANBU - If that happened in my office I could just see everyone die a little inside

(I believe that if you don't spend the full amount on legitimate expenses it will be taxable BTW)

stealthsquiggle · 15/04/2013 22:02

God no. A travel lodge might be depressing, but at least it is private space, including a bathroom, to yourself. Your DH is definitely a loon, on this one at least.

Inertia · 15/04/2013 22:02

Er- the more you post about him the less appealing he sounds- sorry. He really shouldn't insist on invading the close personal space of unknown women in the middle of the night- that could be really frightening for a many women.

Why do you put up with the penny pinching? Why put yourself and a child through such discomfort if there's no need? ( Of course, I understand that for many people there's no choice- but it sounds as though he just doing it to prove a point rather than genuine poverty).

Original poster
idontbeeleaveit · 15/04/2013 22:03

Flogging - I'm not GOING to. And besides, the money is mine. I don't, but if my mum and dad were local I'd definitely stay with them and yes pocket the money - would you like to live away for 6 weeks? Wouldn't you think maybe a bit extra would be required, whether that's 6 weeks of hotels and takeaways or money for a nice holiday at the end?

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 15/04/2013 22:03

.... but definitely do ring round and see what else you could negotiate for travel lodge equivalent rates.

GeneHuntsMistress · 15/04/2013 22:04

I would bloody pay work to live in an hotel mon-fri for 5 weeks.

Come home, strip off, long bubble bath, snugly robe, room service dinner then lay on my arse in bed watching shit tv.

I'd be in heaven.

travailtotravel · 15/04/2013 22:05

Air BnB .... I luff staying away from the madness in a peaceful hotel.

McNewPants2013 · 15/04/2013 22:06

Premier inn I stayed in was very clean and comfortable, breakfast was nice to.

I would rather that than a strangers house.

Original poster
idontbeeleaveit · 15/04/2013 22:06

Inertia I do sometimes wonder that. He is personable and outgoing but his behaviour is odd, I can't dispute that, as this thread shows. The thing is, in his defence, he genuinely won't have understood why that woman was frightened. I don't excuse it - I had a go at him about it - but you get his 'look' which is incredulity at YOUR stupidity with an air of "I will be silent and let you have a say, stupid woman."

Perhaps I'm being unfair. He can certainly be very generous but he does embarrass and frustrate and upset me frequently

OP posts:
pigletpower · 15/04/2013 22:07

Sooo,you work right? With quite good money,yes? Why the fuck don't you turn on the heating in your own home? Why don't you insist on paying carpark fees? How long have you been married for? I was quite enjoying this thread until you told us about the 3am umbrella incident...your husband sounds very odd...

Original poster
idontbeeleaveit · 15/04/2013 22:07

Gene's - it sounds like bliss, it won't be. I'll be a long way from home and will really, really miss the DD.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 15/04/2013 22:08

He's nuts! Premier Inn is fine.